A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if what I'm feeling is normal...I got married almost 4 months ago. I'm not one who particularly enjoys weddings and hated the entire process of organising my own. I wanted an intimate party but as my husband has a big family we ended up having a huge wedding - I was very reluctant and even on the morning of my wedding was dreading it...... However - I had the best day of my life, perfect- everything went so well and everybody told me how fantastic everything was and now I'm so upset it's all over. I mean I'm so depressed-I keep looking at my photos and watching my wedding video and just cry as I wish I could relive that day. I thought that once we went on honeymoon id be ok but even the 3 amazing weeks we had in America, I was still feeling low.My husband has noticed how sad I am and I did explain why but he says its normal and I'll be fine..... When will I start feeling normal again- it's been almost 4 months.... I also went to my friends wedding last week and I was so envious that she got to do it that I kept crying- I told guests it was tears of happiness but deep down I cried because I will never again have such a perfect day like that....I am very much in love with my husband so that's not an issue.
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female
reader, Justthefacts  +, writes (9 July 2015):
Sounds like the anti climax of the wonderful day being over has just hit you extra strong. Maybe organising something to plan for and look forward to will help ease the pain , perhaps a holiday or special event? It could also hormonal as other suggest so a drs visit is a good idea
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 July 2015):
 I agree with the anon who suggested that you should see your doctor after you take a pregnancy test. Unless you've been very emotional all your life and this is just another new phase of feeling things strongly, then you should get checked out to make sure there isn't a hormonal imbalance or hormonal reason (such as pregnancy) for your crying jags and depression.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): Could you possibly be pregnant?The reason I say that is sometimes when you are pg the hormones take over and you really can get depressed.It could have happened on your honeymoon.That would explain why you felt that way right away.I know women who had there period all 9 months they were pg so that is not a good way to tell.Go to the store and get a test just to rule it out.If it is negative go to the doctor and tell him so he can run some tests to see if things are ok physicaly.Maybe all you need is a anti-depressant med.But you know I just have a feeling get that pg test..Let us know what happens and let us know if you are ok.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 July 2015):
 Sounds to me, in my unprofessional opinion, that you're shit scared. You say so in your post too: I will never again have such a perfect day in my life.
You're shit scared the best part is over, you're convinced it is over, you think everything from here on out is just a downward spiral and that you're bond to be miserable.
I think such a high degree of self delusion calls for drastic measures. I advise you to go to therapy. Not for life, I think two-three sessions ought to do it. Something like this is easily fixed. Your problems and fears came almost overnight, they will vanish again just as quick.
You will never have such a perfect day in your life? Says who? Says your magic crystal ball? Or the fortune teller down the street? Who told you this? My guess is, no one but yourself. You're telling yourself such things because you're scared. You just got married, and instead of trying your best, enjoying it and being happy, you're shit scared, so you take the grieving in advance.
Who are you to know you will never again have a great day? Invite friends and family over for a party again, if that is what you like. Have children, if that is what you like. Travel, if that is what you like. Marry again, to the same man, if that is what you want. Sure you can, and will, have perfect days in your life. You also need to realize, at some point, that not every day needs to be like your wedding day in order to be a perfect day. But in order to realize this, I think you should see a therapist and talk about it and work through it.
It will get better soon. But deal with the problem at hand, take active steps to help yourself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 July 2015):
 I absolute agree with celtic_tiger
TIME to stop being the bride and be the wife.
A wedding is a SYMBOL of the union between two people. NOTHING more. A marriage is the REALITY of two people deciding to be together, and it takes work.
I'm glad you had a great wedding and honeymoon. Those are memories you will carry with you for the rest of your life. But it doesn't HAVE to be the "highlight" of your life OR your marriage. I don't really understand your obsession with your wedding. Now if it had sucked or been ruined I get that you feel cheated, but YOU actually had a LOVELY wedding. It's a GREAT start to your new life as husband and wife.
Put the videos away, FOCUS on your HUSBAND, the man you JUST married. Focus on the life you two want to build TOGETHER.
Time to make MORE great memories with your husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): You expected to hate it? But loved it so much?
I say I've had this feeling not about a wedding, but when travelling. I expected to luv Paris. I hated it.
I didn't have big expectations of Lisbon. I loved it and dream of going back (not feasible).
You dream of re-living that day. Not feasible.
I say concentrate on trying to make it the perfect marriage. Concentrating so much on what's now in the past (your wedding) does not let you enjoy your present (your marriage).
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 July 2015):
 As someone who is not married, I watch my friends and family all getting hitched and the processes which they go through.
99% of the time, it appears that everything is focused on the "big day". It is all about the Wedding. Spending huge amounts of money, they cant afford, in order to create this perfect image for the outside world. Its never about the marriage.
It appears, they forget what the wedding is actually for - and get so wrapped up in the froth, the glitz and the glamour, all the presents, and guests etc. They miss the point.
A wedding is to celebrate the joining of two people in a relationship - one that hopefully will last a lifetime. The wedding is the START of things. It shouldn't matter about the wedding party itself, the point is you are committing to your partner. The marriage vows are the single most important part of the event.
When you look back at your wedding, what is it you are missing most? The party, the extravagance, being the center of attention?
From my experience, those friends who have had the most low-key weddings tend to be the most stable and happy within their married relationships. Those who go all out trying to out do everyone else, struggle far more dealing with the post-wedding life.
There are many women, who do not care for the practicalities of marriage - all they want is to be a bride. Hence they divorce and remarry, many times, in order to get that feeling again, and again. The relationship, the actual marriage is a by-product of the wedding. Is this how you feel?
You state you love your husband, but you seem to have forgotten him in your unhealthy obsessing. Put the videos and photos away, it is time to move on from being a bride, and begin to be a wife.
A marriage is a life time commitment. It will never be like your wedding every day. You need to focus on the point of the wedding - your marriage. That day you chose to stand by your partner, and pledge to build a relationship. By looking back and obsessing you are actually neglecting your relationship, rather than building upon the strong foundations.
Your wedding was ONE day out of a life time. It is up to you, and your partner to create more happy days and memories that will out do that. But it takes work, and effort. Are you willing to do that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): Your life was consumed with the planning and the 'dream' day (that was a reality too!) and now there is a big gap. You are literally 'mourning' the loss of it and probably coming to terms with the fact that you may never go through that process again or cannot re-live it. It is important that you flip this whole spiral of sadness on its head. All the good feelings you had about getting married can apply to organising other really exciting and happy things starting now - a charity day, a family event, your first anniversary? In fact on that last point if you are hugely sentimental (I know I am) then maybe you might want to see this is a starting point rather than a finishing point which is actually what it is - and start thinking of your future celebrations. The sadness will pass but you need to work on it proactively. x
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (8 July 2015):
I think the problem is that you hated the build up so much, as many people do. I’ve seen people organise weddings. Items like cutlery, table cloths, who’ll sit with who, cakes, over-priced menus, all become a source of immense stress. Often, though, like you, they say it was worth it on the day. You are upset, I think, because you feel that so much was wasted. You hated the build up so much that in the end your enjoyment was brief. The thing is, though, that’s how it is for a lot of people. It is why they say that weddings are far from fairytales. It is why expectation and reality can be so different. I suggest putting the photos away and not looking at them for a while. It’s not healthy to obsess over one day, however special. It’s clear they are causing you distress. If you don’t keep allowing yourself to be taken back to that day, it will be easier for that process of acceptance to happen. You may always wish you could relive it again, people often do with a really special event in their lives, some because they loved it, some because they wish they’d done things differently. But in time that wish doesn’t cause upset and distress, it’s just a faint sense of nostalgia.
So, time to put away the pictures and move on. Concentrate on making a good marriage together and in 10 years, there’ll be every excuse for a special day to renew your vows.
I wish you all the very best.
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