A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We've been together two years...Tonight, I did not orgasm like he likes me to – it apparently wasn’t strong enough so he told me that I didn’t orgasm nicely – I told him that he was wrong. He wanted to know why I didn’t come nicely – again, I told him he was wrong. Twenty minutes later, he asks again, I told him that I had already answered him and that I was sorry if I did not come nicely enough for him. He checks my phone because he thinks I’m hiding something from him, he finds a number that was a wrong call and calls it, tells me it’s a guy – so I call it too. It was some man named Don and I said I had received a call from that number and apologized for calling so late in the night. Then the accusations started... '****, tell me if you cheated on me during the week that I was gone' (let me add: he went to his home country for one week, if I was not available on skype for ever minute that he was in his country and I was at home, it meant that “some guy” was at our apartment – my heart perpetually broke and I freaked out, had an anxiety attack.). I absolutely freaked out with the question about whether or not I had cheated - I have dealt with his accusations for two years, I have lost all sense of self and do not know what to do, as I have reassured him each and every time he's accused me and it's killed me inside to be told those things about me as a woman and a lover. I turned up the television and would not answer the disrespect that the question represented. He then told me to just tell him and I stood up and threw the remote control to the television towards the table where I study and shouted that he needs to stop disrespecting me and find a woman who can orgasm like he likes her to. I walked into the kitchen to take some aspirin and he comes behind me and hits me in the back of the head making me dizzy. I then urinated in my underwear because I lost all control of my body. I turn around and can’t stop shouting that he hits me all of the time because it is normal for him and he is used to doing that, that I am sure he has hit his other women who he has told me ‘f*** him better and more passionately’ than I do and for him to go be with them. I kicked him to make him let me go because he wasn’t letting go and he came around the table and kicked me in the legs, punched me in the arms and the face, I started to bleed in the mouth and now have a fat lip and an ill stomach from swallowing the blood that did not go onto my face. I went to the laundry machine area where he was and told him over and over to find a woman who f**** him like he likes to be f***ed and will let him f**k them in the a** like it doesn’t hurt and will let him have sex with her only for the sake of sex and won’t care about any way that he treats her and he then told me to stop breaking things (I slammed the door) and started to break my sweater dress from another country and I told him that he’s the one who breaks things over and over – multiple dishes because of some sink disposal tool that the maintenance people left here because I was “trying to be cool with the uneducated niggers who were fixing the sink”, my computer – twice, multiple articles of clothing, my camera which was the only gift he’s given me other than a note that says “I’m yours”, my nose, multiple bruises all over my body, the Christmas-Grandma box from my mother, multiple books, my tooth, etc. I then continued to go crazy because I have absolutely lost all value for my Life. He continued to ask why I checked my voicemail after we confirmed that it had been a wrong number calling me that we called back, to ask why I brought my phone with me into the bathroom. I do not know where to go. Please, help.
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cheated on me, christmas, orgasm, swallow, underwear, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): Now now let's all keep in mind that the little lady said that she threw the remote control first, for all we know her boyfriend was defending himself.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 STOP
Violent boyfriend.
Story ends there. You don't examine the rest of what happened, only the facts he hit you multiple times and very hard count.
So, GET out.
You can't reason with wife-beaters. There is no magic fix to cure their anger, they WANT to be angry at you because it allows them to vent all their frustations with their life on someone else. And they will ALWAYS have more frustrations to vent.
You can't cook his meal perfectly or be the best fuck ever. You are NOT a partner/wife but a punching bag for his anger and his anger is because these guys are typically very weak in real life. They kick down and suck up and each time they suck up to say their boss, they come home and kick their wife.
don't try to fix him, you can't. Neither can you change yourself so he won't be angry anymore.
You are in a cage with a rabid dog, there are two options:
Kill the dog or get out of the cage.
Murder is not the answer so you have to get out.
And not tomorrow, or next week or he said it will never happen again. NOW!
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A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 You poor, poor girl. You deserve much better than this sad excuse for a human being! Please ring one of the numbers that the previous poster recommended, and if possible confide in a close friend, family member or local police station as you will have a 'witness' to what has happened to you! Especially a policeman as they would make a formal charge and will be able to help you get into a womens refuge where you will be safe. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti +, writes (15 November 2009):
When I read the title of this question "My violent boyfriend" I'm thinking, why did you waste two years of your life with someone who obviously views you as a possession and not a lover/friend/soul mate?! If you don't have any friends or family nearby who you can confide in, call one of the numbers that the previous poster suggests. If you do have someone who can help, please, please confide in them! Tell the police, ring up a womans' helpline (for abused woman and children), leave this guy who sounds awful!! Please do not let this continue, you deserve something so much better than this horrible existance! Wish you good luck in the future.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 Where you go is to the phone to call one of these numbers, and then you take their advise and get the hell out of that destructive, violent relationship!Stop Woman Abuse National Toll-free Hotline 0800 150150Life Line: Johannesburg (011) 728 1347Durban (031) 23 2323; Port Elizabeth (041) 55 5581; Cape Town (021) 461 1111Adapt: (011) 885 3309Advice Desk for Abused Women: (031) 204 4111Black Sash: (011) 834 8361Domestic Violence Assistance Programme: (031) 260 1588Family and Marriage Centre of South Africa: Johannesburg (011) 833 2057/788 4784; Port Elizabeth (041) 585 9393; Durban (031) 304 8991; Cape Town (021) 461 7360; Pretoria (021) 322 7136Masimanyane Womens Support Centre:(0431) 43 9169Nisaa Institute for Women’s Development:(011) 854 5804/5People Opposing Women Abuse:(011) 642 4345People Against Human Abuse:(012) 805 7416Trauma Clinic: (011) 403 5102/3United Sanctuary for Battered Women:(021) 572 5256Wits Mental Health Society: (011) 484 1503Women Against Women Abuse: (011) 642 4345
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