A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:how can i get over my friends with benefits who moved away?!i dated this guy for 8 months and we had a very unique relationship. when he left he said i would hold a special place in his heart, and that if he was staying in my town, we would have had a real relationship. I want to get over him because it's over and I know we were not ever meant to be, but i can't shake him! I think about him every day, i constantly check my email and phone to see if he contacts me, and sometimes he does but not like he used to. Does anyone have any tips for forgetting someone who broke your heart? Rationally I know he was a jerk and I wasted my time, but emotionally I can't let go! Help!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): I know that we can't help who we are emotionally attached to, but what we can control are our actions. As a woman who is in the same age bracket as you, I understand what type of relationship to get in.
When I'm in a FWB situation, I don't stick around long enough to get emotionally attached to the person I'm just having sex with. I don't hang out with them, have intimate conversations, "pillow talk", and none of the things that I would do if I was in an exclusive relationship. This is how so many people get hurt. I too have been hurt by doing just what I described above. When I started to eliminate that, I just hook up with them and go, I no longer had those problems. I made it very clear that this what this is and I'm not going to question what you are doing and I want that same respect. If neither party can handle that, then it's best to end this now.
For your FWB to say what he said, in my opinion, he was just letting you off easy. If he hadn't made a move in a more serious direction in 8 months, then he had no intention to have you exclusively. I'm really sorry that you are hurting and I know that it sucks. Be careful what type of situation that you get into next time. If you want a relationship, then be clear that that is what you want. Don't have sex with that person until you KNOW that you are going to be in an exclusive relationship. If it is FWB then cut off all emotion have sex, and get gone. FWB is just a nice way of saying f**k buddy. It is what it is. Best of luck to you. Hope it helps
A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 You have to ask yourself if it's really him that you miss, or the way he made you feel about yourself? Desired, happy, flattered etc? I think you'd be better off just taking care of yourself and preparing yourself for a long term special relationship that isn't just friends with benefits! You know you deserve someone who treats you right! I find it odd that he said if he was staying in town you could have had a proper relationship, what was wrong with having a relationship for the 8 months you were friends with benefits? It sounds like a line to me, designed to not hurt your feelings, so I'd say it definately wasn't love love, but just convenient. You realise that you were probably used by him, so treat yourself kindly and in time you'll meet a man who deserves you! Good luck!
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