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female
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*ara xxxxx
writes: Me and my boyfriends relationship used to be bliss. but now i have become really paranoid. In my heart i know i trust him but my paranoia is tearing us apart and he's my first love, he's my everything. Please help Reply to this Question
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reader, Ru  +, writes (2 January 2009):
I feel your pain Sara
i am with my girl about 5 months nowand have the same thing.
She is a bit older then me and has been with allot more people when we go out she is very flirty but I must say its in more of a funnie way then anything she love to show me off
but I still cant help the paranoid thoughts I get and it makes me crazily upset.
When you feel really close to some one your mind wonders
I spoke with her new years night after a good night out but she didnt want to know tonight im going to talk and put the point that I know I have bad paranoid
But she should respect that and help me get true this silly phase not make it worst.
Any way I would love to hear what your outcome was so that it may help me any advise from any one really.
Really feel as if im in a hole and I dont know how to stop digging.
Thanks for reading
Ru
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female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 Hi there, Paranoia is a killer in most relationships. You should learn to trust your boyfriend. If not you will push him away. He is probably innocent and loves you with all his heart. But if he thinks your suspecting him of things he might just think well she doesnt trust me so whats the point. Show him you care with lots of hugs and kisses, not too many, don't smother him. Let him go out with his mates alone, but give him your blessing not a lecture. You will probably find that his respect for you will grow and he will want to spend more time with you than his mates. If things still don't change in your relationship there might be something that sub conciously is making you paranoid, that is true. So then do yourself a favour and move on find someone you feel you can trust 100%. good luck
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female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 Hey Sara,
First of all, congratulations that you have recognised this paranoia in yourself and you want to do something about it. It takes quite a wise and strong person to be able to firstly recognise something like that, but then to ask for help is quite something else. So 'kudos' to you for that.
Okay. So you say you have no basis for these paranoid feelings? You can't think back to any particular event/conversation with you BF that could have triggered this paranoia and mis-trust?
Are you paranoid that he is going to cheat on you, fall out of love with you, find someone else, do dodgy things behind your back, lie to you - that kind of thing?
I think that these kind of feelings are very normal, especially since you are in your first relationship and he is your first love. You want everything to be perfect and remain how they were the first moment you met. You want his eyes to remain on you, and you only. You want to believe everything he says and does with all your heart but sometimes your mind starts thinking negative thoughts and that begins the cycle of paranoia.
BUT! It is how you deal with these paranoid feelings that will guide the course for the rest of your relationship, as you know as you say it is beginning to tear you two apart.
If you could let me know (private msg me if you like) what kind of things you are feeling paranoid about and what kind of things you are doing/saying to your boyfriend and how he is reacting, maybe I will be able to give you better advice. xxx
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