A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am obsessed with photos and not in a good way.I spend many hours of my life constantly worrying about documenting what I do so that I can have a good view of my life in the future. Subsequently I scrutinize them to the point of obsession and constantly think very badly of the way I look , how I am to view myself in the future and how people therefore view me now.I am constantly regretting how I look and letting photos make me feel bad about myself. I have had some 'different' looks over time and as I have just been travelling I have 'let myself go' in terms of appearance by not cutting my hair for nearly a year and not shaving for 2 months. Now I have returned home and I am being told how awful I look and that my hair is not just long but girlish in it's appearance. As such, now I am already embarrassed about photos from my travels, regret them and think that my memories are tainted as I won't be able to look at them without negative feelings about myself.I have contrasting beliefs as I believe everyone should be individual and not adhere to normal stereotypical appearances and in the past I have prided myself on looking different but I don't want to look 'bad' or 'gross' as people have told me. When I see photos I get this sense of shock and think how awful I look (even when I look 'normal' and repress my urge to drift from social norms too much) and especially when people make negative comments I get anxious, sad and despondent to the point of feeling depressed and absorbed with negative feelings about myself. This is very apparent to those around me.This leads me to be in very negative and self absorbed moods and subsequently I end up asking for affirmation of my positive qualities from those close to me and almost feel as though I am pushing people to make me feel better. I often repeat myself over and over about seemingly vain and inane questions to those who I care about e.g. my family and girlfriend (even though they are sometimes the instigators of the negative comments) and this leads to people getting very irritated with me, makes me look bad and adds significantly to my anxieties and sadness. I try to hold my tongue and keep the feelings to myself so as not to annoy people but it leads me to days or weeks of negative self-reflection and severe lack of confidence and eventually my desperation leads me to push my concerns on to others.It is at the point where my girlfriend is so sick of it that her way of dealing with it is to shut down and ignore me until I stop going on about it as she doesn't know how to console me and is sick of repeating herself. I even make sure I have numerous photos of the same thing as I am so unhappy with how they look and strive for better pictures to look back on feel good about myself instead of bad. I'm sick of feeling like this and annoying people and don't want to lose my girlfriend or anything over this.I am more than aware that they are somewhat petty and vain concerns but I can't help but get worked up and it gets to the point of being debilitating no matter how silly I tell myself it is - I don't know how to stop feeling this way, how to not regret the past both immediate and distant and how to stop caring about things that make me ill with worry. I tell myself to lighten up but they feelings always return.I know that these issues seem ridiculous and knowing this makes it so much worse for me when I can't control the feelings.I have become someone that I am embarrassed about, am ruining the chance to enjoy life in the moment as I should be able to and simply do not like myself.Any advice and comments would be greatly appreciated!!many thanks for your time
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2013): Hi
I would suggest Therapy to unravel these feelings.
Please don't waste your life through negative thoughts, it's too short.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): I agree entirely with k_c100 on this one. It sounds like you need some serious therapy to help you work through these feelings.You need a proper therapist however not just a counsellor. Some therapy is available on the NHS so go and see your GP for a referral. Unfortunately, in some areas the length of therapy is limited to a few months.You can also find private therapists (many of whom also work on a semi-charitable basis so you only pay what you can afford.) I think BACUP have a website listing private therapists, where they work and what kind of therapy they do. (British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists.) All good therapists should be members of BACUP - beware of ones that aren't.You are obviously a highly intelligent person and you can see that your thoughts are distorted. You can also see how this is affecting your life and personal relationships. You have already won part of the battle - many people with thought disorders never realise they have a problem and think it's everyone else's fault but you have really good insight.Use this insight and seek professional help. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 You know we ALL have had some questionable looks and pictures (at least if we LIVED a little).
If people go criticize the hair and beard in the pictures just laugh it off and tell them that was your "hippy days" or whatever you want to call them. I BET you that your travels aren't "TAINTED" because you didn't look like a snazzy dresser with perfect hair 24/7.
I did a LOT of back packing at age 17 & 18 and I look back at those pictures and think, man I could have used a brush and maybe.. a little mascara in some of those shorts, but the thing is I had FUN those months travelling.
I'm NOT photogenic at all, but I do have some great pictures of myself and I have a BOAT load of not so great. Doesn't really bother me, it's the luck of the draw and the abilities of the photographer. (aka the husband).
Let me tell you something else, it's NOT about documenting your life, it's about LIVING it.
I'm in my 40's and could have many many many albums of pictures of things I have done, people I have met, places I have been, and I do have some, but mostly I have had exceptional experiences that created memories for me and those who partook.
Sounds to me like you have a distorted image of yourself. And no one can fix that for you. So like k_c100 mentioned maybe you need to 1. step away from pictures and cameras for a while and 2 find a counselor and get some help in how to cope with this. Because if you don't you will miss life as it passes you by.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 October 2013):
 I think this is a bit beyond the remit of a bunch of strangers on the net - you are letting this affect you so seriously that I think you would be best speaking to a professional therapist/counsellor.
Please dont take that the wrong way, you are not mentally ill nor have you gone nuts, it is normal to not like the way you look in pictures sometimes and often we can look back at ourselves in a photo and wonder 'what was I thinking with that hairstyle' etc. However you just take it that one step too far, you cannot see beyond the vanity and only think negative thoughts when you see a photo rather than, for example on your travels, remembering the amazing place you were in and the wonderful people you were with.
I'm sure there will be some sort of name for this, perhaps it is a personality disorder of some kind or you simply have chronic self esteem issues - but whatever it is, a professional will be able to help and find some ways for you to cope with your feelings.
At the end of the day photos are there to remind us of a special moment, you took the picture to capture that moment in time because it was a good/happy time. You should look back on photos with fondness and happiness, and be able to laugh about the state of your hair or how bad your dress sense was. If you are incapable of laughing about it and can only see yourself in the photo rather than seeing the moment and your surroundings, then that is something that needs to be addressed with the help of a professional.
Sorry I cant be of any more help - I'm sure your friends and family have tried to console you in every way possible and if that is the case, yet no words help you, then that is a clear sign you need help and help from someone qualified.
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