A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I really need help with some family issues. (I'm sorry for bad english)A couple of months ago, my uncle (my mother's brother) said really mean things about me and my father, in front of me and my mother. He was rude, he yelled at me for no reason at all, he made me feel like shit, yelling things which I'm insecure about.And I KNOW he said that because he doesn't like me, I've been a fool until that, thinking he did like me as part of the family, but since that day I've woken up and I realized that the only reason he pretended he liked me was because my mom used to force me to give him my ipods, cellphones, computers (because he's poorer than us), and I never felt like it was fair, giving all my stuff to him, because it's my stuff, I use them.And yes, I realized that he was just using me and didn't by any chance like me. I got very offended because I really did like him, and I cry everyday and sometimes dream about it. My mom got into a fight with him because she didn't think it was right for him to yell at me since I hadn't done anything wrong.They haven't speak since that day.Now, recently my other uncle (dad's part of the family), is going to get married and he told my mother to invite my uncle (the one that yelled at me and makes me feel bad everyday) and my mother WANTS to invite himI told her to please not invite him because he's going to ruin something for me that is important, since I'm part of the family, and he's not, he's just going to ruin my day. But my mother got angry with me, she thinks she has to invite him and I have to forgive him because according to her "he just said that because he was angry", but well, I KNOW for a fact that it's not true, he would at least come to apologize if he didn't really mean it, but all he has ever done was to speak mean things about me to my grandmother (his mother also)I don't want to forgive him because I don't think it's fair! He didn't do anything to make me want to apologize, I just want to forget him forever since I don't really think he's good to me, he makes me feel insecure and depressed I don't want him making part of my family anymore!!My mother is taking his side, it's not fair since she's the only person I thought I could trust, I'm so sad and don't know what to do, I wish I could just disappear from this world, I'm feeling worthless and alone.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Your mother has been ASKED by the groom- to- be to invite this guy, and so she must do it; she cannot do as she pleases with other people's weddings. Plus, it's her nrother, she took your side , she defended you , as she was supposed to do, when he yelled at you, actually she took it so much at heart that she has not talked to him since, but I think it's normal that she would not want to break their relationship forever over one single accident, no matter how unplesant, and she hopes in time things will go back to normal.
I think that for you to demand that your mother wages officially war to him is a bit too much.
You are an adult, you don't have to forgive him if you aren't ready , you don't have to be nice to him, or be friendly with him, or lend him your stuff anymore , if you don't want .
You can ignore him, you can be just barely civil if ever you find yourself in the same place with him . You can forget about his existence. Or, in fact, you can tell him that you think apologies are in order , and that you can start having a normal uncle/niece relationship again only after his apologies.
As you see , you have many options, just leave your mother out of this - and please ditch the drama. Nobody can MAKE you feel insecure and depressed , nobody can MAKE you feel anything if you don't let them. Obviously the things he said touched some raw nerve in you, I get that - but still ,you have the choice on what to focus your attention on, on what it is important to you or not.
If you make what a wacko moocher of an uncle says, in a moment of anger too, the reason to feel worthless , pardon me, but... only yourself to blame.
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