A
female
age
30-35,
*winn
writes:Hey guys! So me and my bf has been together for almost 2 years now and we have an amazing relationship. Hes only a year younger than me but i feel like he has so much growing up to do and it literally drives me crazy! My biggest mistake was taking all of our classes together cuz i feel like his mom sometimes ( he never knows what the hw is, what were doing in class, when anything is due) and im sick of it. I mean im not goingto break up with someone because theres not " mature" enough but what do u think? Do you think he will eventually grow up and i should jut be more patient with him? Also is it bad that i dont picture myself marrying him? I think hes good for me, for now but as i get older i plan on being a different and better person so i would want someone whose also like that and on the same level as me. Idk what to do! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Stop acting like his mommy then.. He only comes to you to ask these questions because you keep answering them. Stop telling him what hw it is (do you mean hour?) and when things are due don't tell him. Let him find out for himself. LET him grow up. You're holding him back! If he's to grow you need to let him make his own mistakes and stop babying him.
He will grow up, but not unless you stop acting like his mommy. Believe it or not, but he will get by without you. Which only means one thing: he's perfectly capable of figuring out things on his own, and doesn't need you to mother him. But it's convenient to never have to remember anything yourself when you have a girlfriend to do it all for you.
You'd do the exact same. Imagine you had a boyfriend who was great with fixing cars. Would you EVER bother to learn how to change your tires if your boyfriend always offered to do it for you? My guess is no. And it's not because you aren't mature enough, it's just the way humans work. We like convenience.
If you want him to grow up, take a step back and stop doing everything for him...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): What makes you think he has to "grow up" OP. You think because he doesn't think of things that he really doesn't have to because you will, that he's somehow immature?
I'm in my mid-30's and my fiancée is the organized one. She likes being organized, planning things etc. whereas I'm the spontaneous one who does things as they come along. Not because I need to grow up, but because that's how the dynamic of our relationship works. I know I don't have to think of things because she'll already know and she will remind me. It's not that I'm immature, I just always have been like this and always know where I can turn to to get the information I need. If I didn't have anyone I could rely on for stuff, I'd just write it down or go to effort of remembering myself then.
OP you simply don't want to be with a guy like that, that's fine we all have different preferences but this is not a matter of maturity, it's not something that will change.
Being organized or not is not a sign of maturity in the slightest. So what if I don't know the exact date of an exam, it will come up you know because the closer it gets the more people will talk about it. Personally I think there's more important things in life than worrying about being rigid about everything and my partner values that quality in me. She doesn't need to wipe my arse for me, but she doesn't mind being the one who always knows what's going on. I'm the type of guy who will find a million things that I need to do other than the one thing I was supposed to be doing or leave things to the very last minute. Always have been and it always works for me. We compliment each other really well that way. Because I'm a guy who gets shit done, I just won't remember when exactly that it was supposed to be done. If she needs something done now, it gets done. If she needs something done next week, she'll remind me when it has to be done.
Frankly I don't know where you get this idea that being organized makes a person better. Better for you maybe, more suited to your needs perhaps but frankly two organized people in a relationship sounds boring to me. I like to have a mix.
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A
female
reader, millonbitsu  +, writes (14 April 2013):
You're his girlfriend, not his carer and it's so frustrating being with someone you feel you have to look after and nag all the time! It's clear you've outgrown one another from everything you say and you do not picture a future together. Don't string him along any further, knows the time to try and split up rather than wait for things to get really bad and boil over into bad arguments and you both feeling unhappy. It'll be crap at first but you'll both move on to bigger and better things without one another.
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