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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: OK here goes, please bear with me on this...Last night my girlfriend was showing me her pictures she's had developed. She was putting them in her photo album. Amongst these pics were 3 that we'd taken on holiday, one with her in and two with me in.Anyway, she put about 10 pics in the album and space was running out in the album, so she put the 3 holiday pics to one side. She then filtered through the others, picking out a couple of pics of her male friends and a couple of others. In the end, our 3 pics ended up with the others that weren't destined to go in the album!She then came out with something sarcastic like I'll put the rest of these pics in the envelope to gather dust in the cupboard drawer.Earlier in the night, I walked in the kitchen and her radiators were covered in knickers etc and she said, I didn't do this when you first came over here. I said, that's a bad sign then, meaning it as a joke. She then repeated, "that is a bad sign" in a monotone voice.Now I think she is probably just joking, but when someone says enough things you start to wonder. I got a bit annoyed by this and a couple of other things she'd said and I said "Do you want me to dump you? because if you do, I will. Just say the word". She said that she didn't want me to finish with her and after a while she got quite teary and said that she was worried that I'd take her sarcasm seriously, which i don't normally do I might add.There's been other stuff that she's done too, it isn't just an isolated incident. When she goes out, she'll flirt or swoon over my mates and stuff which gets to me, but I wonder if it's cos she's been single too long. She's 38 and never had a relationship longer than 8 months!She was sick on Sunday all day after drinking and I kept checking up on her and looked after her. She was like a loved up teenager with me after that. Then she backs off again.She is sarcastic a lot of the time, so I kind of feel like it's a front she puts up, but it probably makes me put up a bit of a front too. Deep down, she is a baby really, I've seen that a couple of times now.Any help or advice would be much appreciated because It's doing my head in all this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is, we don't seem to have sex as much either. I approached this very gently and she said that she didn't trust me, thought I might tell future girlfriends about what we'd been up to. I did tell her about some things I'd done in the past and I think she feels that I'll be talking about stuff we've done, but I wouldn't and I told her this. I said that I'd respect her wishes and felt quite bad about it after. I guess I did it in a stupid attempt to impress, very immature I know.I could put up with her flirting if I felt she had feelings for me but I feel she doesn't and I'm getting insecure as a result.The only thing I can say is that I can't handle her flirting at the moment and if she's willing to tone it down then I'll feel more secure and able to be more relaxed about the whole thing. The thing is, I don't think she can help herself. If you don't love someone then you're going to be more likely to be looking! That's the bit I can't handle. I feel like I might be waiting to be ditched :(One thing above all that worries me is that if the respect has gone then she may not be as worried about hurting me. I mean, people treat people they respect better and more sensitively and don't like to hurt or upset. Some people, when they lose respect for someone think that it's OK to be a bastard/bitch.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): I agree with Jendorset, talk talk talk, although, with her past failure of relationships you may have to concede that this one is going to fail too.
Also bare in mind that if she has had a lifetime of rejections and breakups, she is likely to be expecting the same from you. By you saying "Do you want me to dump you?" you are threatening to do the very thing she most expects yet fears will happen. That is why she is acting the way she is - to prove to herself what she thinks is the inevitable; that the relationship will fail.
If you feel this women is special you need to have some insight in to why her other relationships failed and work out a way to make sure this relationship doesn't go down the same road.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (15 March 2007):
All i can say is...talk to her. There is no other way around this. Just talk to her and tell her what annoys you, and try to figure out if the scarcasim is just in her nature, because if it is you will have to live with it if you want to be with her.
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A
female
reader, Farris +, writes (15 March 2007):
 How long have you two been together? It sounds maybe like the honeymoon period is over and bitter realities of the real world have hit you both and sometimes when you've been together for a while it's easy to get a little "too" comfortable around each other.
To be honest, this sounds like just a bit of paranoia to me, but of course, this always stems from *somewhere*. In the first instance, you should ask yourself whether you have valid reasons to question her; from your question, I think that you do.
It's good that you've already started to approach the topic with her, but you really need to sit her down and have a proper serious conversation with her. That's the only way she'll be able to reassure you, and she'll see that you're not just being sarcastic or joking around.
Good luck!
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