A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello thanks for your comments and advice in advance!So me and my bf have been together 3 years. At the beginning he was so sweet, caring, loving and thoughtful. This last year has been like a nightmare. Thankfully I didn't accept his proposal. He gets mad quickly. He has cheated once that I'm aware of. He wasn't even apologetic. Which totally made me rethink things. All he said was it was a mistake. I loved the old him but this guy who he has become or hid very well is an abusive person. He will yell at the most petty things. Tell me to shut up. That it isn't my place in the relationship to speak of hes mad. He blames his problems on me and I dislike it very much. I do stand up for myself but I feel like this person is up to no good. Hes usually broke but getting high all day. If he doesnt have his weed hes absolutely horrible to deal with. He will ask me for money which I refuse, it's not up to me to support his addiction. He tries to be manipulative saying he hasn't eaten. Then posts pics on social media of him smoking his weed. I have ended it a couple of times and he runs back and asks for forgiveness. His explanation is a broke man is a angry man. I'm tired of his outbursts. His childish outbursts and how he views women. Not to mention he puts down my race which I find very rude and racist. Any suggestions? I know I have to leave just trying to gain the emotional strength to do so. We do not live together
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2021): Dump him, once and for all. You've become complacent within a relationship; and fearful of being alone. He's been there so long, and he's a bird in the hand. You've begun a cycle of making-up and breaking-up. Making you also "addicted" to his personality. Feeling you can fix him; or he'll self-destruct without you. That makes him difficult to give-up as you see yourself getting older.
You've listed all the reasons people should break-up. How bad does it have to get before you do it for good? Let him plead, he never keeps his promises. He's decided you're a sucker for his crocodile-tears, puppy-eyes, and snot running down his nose. Keep at it long enough; and you'll just take him back under enough pressure. Easy-peasy! Why bother to change? "She loves the old me; but she's stuck with who I've become!" He knows the clocks ticking, and calendar is adding more years to your age. That makes it even harder to give him up. The thought of dating unfamiliar men is terrifying...if you will ever find another one!
You'll surely find another man. Let's hope you're not a hot mess when he's finished with you.
He leaves you scarred and emotionally-damaged the longer he stays. That damage becomes baggage you'll haul into any future relationship. You'll have difficulty trusting, and you'll always be tense. You'll punish every guy in any future relationships with your insecurity. All because you'll never feel secure that he won't end-up just like he did. You'll become pessimistic, sour, and cynical; because you're letting him suck all the light out of your soul.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2021): I will be very frank with you.I never cheated in any way, but, I turned into a very angry man after my marriage. I was denied intimacy, love, respect for me as a man and as a human, and I was never communicated with. This reflected in my career as well and I suffered at the hands of exploitative people.Please leave your boyfriend since that is good for you. But before leaving, please carefully consider if there was something you did or did not do that led to a sweet person going sour. Just saying this so that you do not repeat these mistakes if any, and that you live happily with a new person.As for your boyfriend, I know very well, that for people like him, as like for me, there is no hope. Maybe for him there is hope. He probably proposed to you hoping that would buy him your love and loyalty, but he was wrong, and he is probably getting torn apart due to that. But the fix isn't that you marry him - rather it's over. You finished it the moment you said no. You should walk away. He will not forget the initial hesitation and will take it out on you. So you really must leave him asap for your own safety, happiness and security.Hopefully you both find compatible people in future. I would wish him also well.All the best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2021): i had a boyfriend like this he was exactly the same horrible without weed, always broke, asking me for money because hes hungry with no food, weed came first, he was abusive verbally and physically, threw me out the house so many times and i stayed and stayed then one day he flipped broke my phone and threatened me again i packed and left in tears trying to get home miles away from family i was so distorted i dont know how i made it home
Dont waste 25 years like i have done. Life is too short. i went through so much torture my self esteem has dropped and i barely know who i am anymore. I am slowly starting to rebuild my life at 47 and its so hard but i feel free i am starting to feel happiness again away from the abuse.
once a man shows you who he really is believe it because the abuse gets worse and worse over the years.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2021): i had a boyfriend like this he was exactly the same horrible without weed, always broke, asking me for money because hes hungry with no food, weed came first, he was abusive verbally and physically, threw me out the house so many times and i stayed and stayed then one day he flipped broke my phone and threatened me again i packed and left in tears trying to get home miles away from family i was so distorted i dont know how i made it home Dont waste 25 years like i have done. Life is too short. i went through so much torture my self esteem has dropped and i barely know who i am anymore. I am slowly starting to rebuild my life at 47 and its so hard but i feel free i am starting to feel happiness again away from the abuse.once a man shows you who he really is believe it because the abuse gets worse and worse over the years.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 May 2021):
 You are finding it difficult to end the relationship because you are still under the illusion that, underneath that cheating, abusive and manipulative character is the old sweet, kind, caring boyfriend you fell for. You need to understand the character he showed at the beginning of the relationship was an illusion, a mask. You are now seeing the REAL him. This is why is is important not to rush into commitment with someone before you know them properly. Thank goodness you had the common sense to turn down his marriage proposal.
You have summed up the relationship very neatly and already know what you need to do. Now ask yourself how much longer you want to waste on this cheating abuser. You deserve so much better. Dump his sorry ass and move on with your life. Let him become some other poor woman's problem.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 May 2021):
 You are LUCKY that you don't live together, it will make it easier to end it and cut him off.
You know this isn't a healthy relationship. You know he isn't a good guy anymore.
You know what needs to be done, now DO it. For you.
Ge will be fine without you and you will be MORE than fine without him.
He smokes weed, he has cheated on you and he treats you like crap... WHAT exactly do you get out of this relationship?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (24 May 2021):
 He has turned into a very unpleasant person, and by the sounds of things not someone that you want in your life.
The right time to have walked away would have been when he was unfaithful. Because he comes back with his tail between his legs and you take him back, he takes this as an excuse to treat you like crap. I mean, come on OP he was not even apologetic, you should of washed your hands of him there and then.
He sounds like a down and out loser, asking you for money, smoking weed all day, and treating you like dirt.
OP you need to get rid of this guy as soon as possible. The longer you leave it the harder it will get.
You deserve so much better than this guy. He will never change, if you don't get rid of him he will just keep abusing you.
Confide in family, friends, don't go through this alone.
But you need to step up, and oust this guy, then delete him off of everything.
If he keeps knocking at your house, call the police.
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