A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 55 and look after 2 disabled parents and sister. I always feel like i am not doing enough. Brothers do help but everything is organised and does not always work. Like Monday to Friday i do whatever i need too for my parents. Have no family of my own, brothers agreed weekends, I am involve with weekends because i love family meals. Love eating out, but i have to organise everything from meals out to meals in. Sunday day, we have all been out during the day which is great, love it. Sunday night feels like i am losing it. weekends are suppose to be my time but end up preparing snacks and sometimes meals for everybody. When going out for a meal we think and invite people but my brothers never invite my parents or myself when going for a meal. Yes weekends are best because i also work. Feel like i am losing trust in my family. Can you help me solve this
View related questions:
disabled Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2021): If your brothers do not help get a paid caregiver and send the bill to your brothers.Take a week off and recoup.Look caregiver burn out is real and you must take care of yourself first of you will be no help to those you care for.A lot of time the caregiver dies first because of heart attack stroke or stress.What would happen then?Better to get a plan on place now so they get used to paying.They also should be paying you for your time.If they do not pay a court may see it differently.You are not alone.You have options.Be smarter about this.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 May 2021):
 Have you actually discussed this situation with your brothers, or do you just let it all fester and keep quiet? Sadly I have seen this similar situation in families before, where there is one person who does a lot more giving than the others. As with your family, it is usually the sibling who does not have a family of his/her own. The other siblings just assume that this person has nothing else to do and don't think it is any of their responsibility to help out.
You need to sit your brothers down and tell them that you are slowing burning out because you never get a break. Also I think it would be a good idea to start sticking up for yourself a little. For instance, stop preparing meals and snacks for everyone if they are capable of preparing their own. Or prepare them in advance, freeze them and let them warm them up themselves over the week-end so you get a bit of a break.
If your parents and sister require constant care, you need to look into what help is available so that you are not having to do all the work yourself all the time. Much as you love them, and are obviously a very caring son and brother, you cannot look after them if you make yourself ill. As the saying goes, you cannot pour from an empty cup. You need time off to recharge your batteries.
Wishing you all the best. You are a lovely human being. Please show some of that kindness to yourself as well as others.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 May 2021):
 Maybe you need to look into a paid caregiver? To give you some "me time" so you don't burn out taking care of everyone all the time.
It's very common for caregivers to get burned out doing it 24/7. You also need to talk to your brother. If he can't be relyed upon to help out so you can get some time to yourself then he needs to pitch in for the payment to have a professional caregiver there.
...............................
|
