A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Pretty much looking for opinions please. Would you think someone would go to the pub (till 1am), go home on their own and stay awake for a further 4 hours? This is after consuming a lot of vodka and have work at 9am. For a bit of background, I’ve been seeing this guy for a year and a half. He lived with me for about 6 months of that during lockdown. He goes back and forth about loving me etc then not wanting a relationship. There’s a girl who goes to same pub, who likes him, and lives down the street from him. I’m further away. They have kissed before I met him. Both of them logged on/off messenger at same time last night, and again this morning. I could be overthinking, but I’m not sure I can believe he was so drunk and stayed awake without company for so long after the pub. I didn’t have communication with him till he messaged kissing emojis, before he went to sleep.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2021): Read your post aloud to yourself. Twice, or three times!
Note all the negative things you've witnessed about him.
Drunkenness, and he's going to work while still intoxicated. Even if he's working remote; his work will suffer due to his intoxication and lack of sleep. He will have no focus or concentration; and would even fall asleep on the job.
You're worried the other female is going to get him. Better her than you, my dear! Shuck the fact he's a drunk; but what got your attention was he was online with her!
Overthinking?!! Are you being serious?!!
"Common sense" is not overthinking! You're "subconsciously" in survival mode; you see red-flags, but you're ignoring them. It's fight or flight!
The wise choice is "flight!!!"
Your post has clearly defined an alcoholic and potential loser.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 May 2021):
 It is odd.
However, what is more, odd is that you are still with this guy who seems to go from wanting to date you to not wanting a relationship. Either he does or he doesn't.
And if he doesn't... good riddance.
And if you don't trust him.. good riddance.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 May 2021):
 Whatever the explanation for his strange behaviour (and yes, I agree it IS odd), you obviously don't trust him so why are you still hanging onto this relationship, especially as he can't even decide if he wants to be with you or not? I suspect his changes of mind coincide with how much contact he has with the woman from the pub.
You are driving yourself crazy, checking on him (and her). Do you actually like the person you have become? Being in a relationship should make you a BETTER person, not a worse one.
You know you deserve better. Let him go with your blessing and let HER worry about what he is up to.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (24 May 2021):
 I have to wonder why you are still with him to be honest, there seem to be a lot of red flags surrounding this guy.
He must still be under the influence of alcohol when he gets up for work at 9. I do hope that he does not drive a car to work.
Has he been drinking excessively for the year and a half you have been together?. If he has then he obviously has a problem that needs to be addressed.
As for staying awake for the four hours after the pub, he could just be a night owl. Some people are early risers, and some like to stay up till the birds start singing.
I do think he comes with a lot of complications, and secrets, and red flags. I think that you need to ask yourself if this relationship is really for you.
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