A
male
age
41-50,
*ajray1
writes:Guys this is my problem and why even now I think she will never call and gone for good, no way back.help!Basically 6-7 weeks ago gf left out of blue, she was with me everyday for 6 years, and here Saturday seemed normal. came round on Sunday and `said can’t do this any more because of what my dad/stepmom have been saying about me, telling her, and stepmom sending txt to her I have supposed to had sent her. When she had gone tried calling no answer then txt saying, can’t do this any more and you have done something I can’t forgive. Still haven’t clue what I’ve done. Any way this is going to be a bit long guys so please stay with me and any help would be good if at all possible. I’ll try starting at beginning which is bit hard so you sort of know what’s going on if possible. Right. When 7 mum/dad split, dad got custody of us, went to live with him stepmom, never got on with her because taken place of mom, normal, fast forward to 13 as she didn’t want us or my brothers around sent us all to boarding school, never really came home not even holidays used to be sent to aunties and stuff any were but home. come 16 had to leave school and move home, she didn’t like it never, talked always having go and stuff and I didn’t help as still felt everything was her fault. Any way got fed up with it and thought I’ll try being nicer doing stuff not arguing. After few months were getting on better. One day cuddled her, first time ever and said sorry I have been so horrible to you since I came to live with you and dad. She was shocked but said that’s ok you felt like I was replacing your mom which I never was. That was it went on as normal sometimes she would or I would cuddle her. any way being at home all the time waiting for college to start and around just her started to look at her different, suppose fancy her, was 16 and hormones going mad because only women who was around. Any way, she started leaving door open to bath room when in there and saying things. Any way one day we cuddled and she started kissing me and then grabbed me down stairs did what ever, I s*** myself, went straight to bed. Next day and few weeks kept away, went out never came back all day. Then all of a sudden she said to my dad I had tried forcing myself on her and stuff and she wanted me out now. Next thing I’m thrown out, living in a bedsit, just started college, struggleing so had to stop and get a job. My dad and stepmom told all my family and brothers I had tried attacking her and what ever else. Never saw or spoke to dad for about 2 years. any way it’s now 15 years since all this and still I get loads of s*** about it. Over the years I have tried saying sorry for everything, but my stepmom, is just moody, never says hello, if ever go to dad’s house not that I do, once every 2 years if lucky. have a very on off relationship with dad, always trying to control life, job, money, girlfriends everything, so I tell him to get lost, leave me alone, sometimes few months, 6 months, year what ever. Any way sorry about all this that was rally hard to write just trying to give you lot more background.As said gf just turned round went because what ever dad/stepmom have been saying about me things I did or didn’t do when I was 16, but stepmom is saying still don’t know trying to get with her or something. Don’t know. All I know is I have tried over last year to try getting on with her, as she sent an email out of blue saying happy birthday, replied saying thanks, few months later hope you and gf had nice time away, replied again says yes and would it be possible to talk and try getting on. Few months later called dad at home, wasn’t there, she said don’t ever call here, call his cell, said did but wasn’t on. Turned round and said your not part of my family, my family is half brother and dad, your dads family you, and your brothers, put phone down. Was shocked, so sent email saying you don’t have to be so rude, why you can’t just be nice to people not just me gf as well because when we came up you just gave her a rude stare and grunted no hello, nothing that is wrong. Any way they have been saying stuff to gf that I sent rude sexual txt emails and stuff, and that why she said can’t do this any more because what they said and left. I have since sent all copies of emails to gf I ever sent and all they say is why can’t you be nice to me or who ever and not moody, etc. my brother has even called her and told her what stepmom did to his wife, sent her horrible letter saying your never going to get any money so leave, and that one day she was waiting up road for brother to go to work, when he did she knocked on door pushed way in and started having go at her, brother forgot something and saw all this but it has also affected there relationship. But she still doesn’t believe or can forgive what ever they have said about me and that is what is worrying me, she did also say to brother why she left, me not working, why couldn’t I just work for someone, even though have money, her felling drained and fed up and other little bits. Sorry this has been long but I am just worried more about what has been said about me and her saying she can’t forgive me then anything else, the rest I can sort out getting my confidence back and stuff, which I am already doing and talking to a councillor about above stuff and mum/dad split and other things which have affected me and I didn’t realize they were or if they were affecting her at all. It’s just what has been said and I don’t know and I think even though I haven’t contacted her now for 3 days and made a lot of mistakes by sending, letters, emails, flowers up until 3 days ago and no reply, but I think she will not get over what ever was said or call me, she gave car back I brought her and changed cell number 3 days after leaving. What do you guys think. Any suggestions. Want some different prospective. Help, any thing.
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male
reader, majray1 +, writes (4 January 2008):
majray1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice support guys. may be in some time gf will talk to me have to wait and see,never know. i'm seeing someone and sorting all issues out there were a few other bits like me being down and in rut,but starting to fill lot better after talking to someone.i do speak to my brothers i told one what happened few years ago and one 2 months ago and they were shock because they had always been told something completly different and had been a bit different since this happened but ok now,also have tried to sort things with so called stepmom but never happen, all she wants is the money and that is the main thing money as dad is quite well off.just forget it.just hope gf will come round and talk to me sometime.live in hope. thanks for replies.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Dear majray1I know lots of people on this site say try to get along bla bla but this woman is just pure evil! She took your dad away sent you and brothers to boarding school so she could have him all to herself and start a anew family. Then when you were 16 still a boy now you know what you did was wrong but you were a boy, they threw you out disownd you and now she's still trying to ruin your life.Don't even call this thing your step mum try to speak with your dad, not about her just keep the door open speak with your brothers do not include her in anything disown her say she's not part of your family and vever will be.I wish your g/f would understand, but it might be a big shock to her plus maybe you were having problems before this came out.I am glad you are talking to someone about all this as there is too much going on and you need to deal with one issue at a time. Six yrs is a long time to be with someone and maybe when g.f has time to sort out her owm feeling she will talk with you about it all.Keep your chin up and best of luck x
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 Okay..take a deep breath and go to your girlfriend's house and convince her to please hear your side of the story, it's horrible of her to not even trust you to say your peace. Tell her you were sexually abused (that's what that is, with that age and power disparity) by your step mom, and the whole story. i think your step mom was trying to cover her ass, telling her story first before your gf could hear it straight from you. she also may have been trying to break you up because of jealousy. your step mom sounds really screwed up so i wouldn't put it past her. anyway, please let us know if your gf accepts you, it'd be tragic to lose more than you already have over this terrible woman. good luck.
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