A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:how do you know when you love someone, when you need to throw in the towl, and how u know you love someone else instead?i used to be very madly in love with a man.then things got boring and routine and we'd argue over stupid things all the time. i got quite unhappy in the relationship and i started to fall in love with someone else. i felt i cudnt leave this someone else and he loved me too. i left my old boyfriend and am with my new man but i cant let go of the past relationship. i feel the arguments and everything was so stupid and i know i loved him more than anything. my old boyfriend still wants me back but i dont no what to do. i dont think i love my new boyfriend as much as my old one yet but i cant stop thinking of my new boyfriend either and miss him very much. although ive only started going out with him properly for a week or so. i want to give him a chance but i cant help feeling like ive lost something so special and im throwing it away. my old boyfriend was my first love of 2 years. what should i do? help? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Atleast you did something... you left your bf and gave the new guy a chance! I should have done that! I envy you so much..
A
male
reader, treehugger  +, writes (19 March 2009):
My old boyfriend just emailed me and told me he still has feelings for me. We broke up six months ago and it was the most difficult time in my life. somedays I felt dead inside for missing him so much. I broke things off because he wasn't paying any attention to me and he let his friends come between us. Since then I have met a great guy, and we love each other very much. We just celebrated our 3 month anniversary and he is nothing like the old boyfriend. Still, I sometimes miss my old boyfriend even though he didn't treat me very well. I guess the best way to tell if it's time to "throw in the towel" is when the bad times start outweighing the good time and if you are unhappy more than you are happy. Many times your friends will say something about how either you or your boyfriend have changed for the worst. I thought I would never meet anyone to replace the old boyfriend but within three months, there he was. Don't be afraid to go solo for a while. There may be someone out there waiting for you to be free but they may want to wait to see if you will stay broken up. A lot of couples get back together and the new person ends up bitter and confused. Good luck and remember you deserve the best. Don't be afrair to either demand it or go look for it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): its really hard to understand when u should or shouldnt leave someone. its as hard as knowing if u truly love someone. But its true that the first love u ever know will be in ur heart forever. i have been going out with my current girlfriend for about 4 months. and i know shes the one. im only 14 but im smart enough to know that this isnt just a little puppy love or infatuation. this is the real deal. if u truly care about someone, youll stay with them. nothing ever changes how u feel about someone but you or yourself. im not saying you have to do this, but id go back to ur original boyfriend. u just have to tell ur current boyfriend that u cant leave the one you loved. If we all left those who we love for reasons like fighting, half this world would be alone without someone to call their love
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 Unfortunately, there is nothing 'rational' about love at all. So you can't think yourself out of a situation, or use logic to figure out the best solution.
You have only one option: listen to your heart and follow it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 It is the end of the road when you don't find any 'zing'in your relationship .It is like stale bread. You don't want to eat it anymore and what do you do with it?
Life is like a journey,you hop from one stone to another to cross a wide river.The stones you hopped on will be the past and you will look forward to the next stone until you like that one and hop no more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): I can very much relate to your situation. With my first love things were magic for the first year, year and a half. After that we were forced to keep a long distance relationship going for about a year, and since then nothing felt right. I was a bit bored of him, I would find things he did or said annoying, and I wasn't so happy with the sex anymore... allthewhile I felt he could be the guy for me, that we would make a great father and a good husband for the future. But I couldn't shake off the doubts. I would miss him when we were apart, but as soon as we were back together I was willing to break it all of. Same old fights, same old causes of unhappiness.
This on and off thing we kept going for about another year. I don't regret it, because it taught me a lot, and if it happens again later in life I know how to act. I now know it was a sign that the relationship was wrong for me. We were never able to recreate the magic of the early days, even though we wanted to and even though the feelings we had for each other were still feelings of love.
My advise to you is to look to the future, not the past. Yes, you may not be able to shake away the thought of "what could have been", but that's typical for girls. We like to keep all our options open, but that makes it very difficult to move on when you should. I guarantee you will get alot more out of your relationships and learn more about yourself if you focus on the new guy in your life. Give it time, and if that doesn't work out, maybe the next man will sweep you off your feet. But I do not think there is any going back. While it is very romantic to reconnect with your ex after having been apart for a while, you will fall right back into the same load of problems and arguments as you had in the past. There is no going forward in a relationship that proved to be wrong once; at least the odds are very much against it. Go with your gut feeling; i think you may already know what you need to do deep inside.
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