A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I'm new to this site but I need get some help with this before it slowly drives me insane and this seems to be the only place where i can do it.About a year ago my GF and I decided to take a break, I was having some personal issues and at one point got a little scared of them, and I made the mistake of trying to run rather than standing up to them.After I realised how much of an idiot I was, I went back to her and we immediately reconciled and were happily dating once again.Well, a few months later I started getting a little suspicious, ust so everyone knows, I have been diagnosed with a slight case od paranoid delusion, so I don't trust a lot of what I think and I trust what other people say even less. I do my best to believe what everyone says...Anyways, I got suspicious, and, when I had some alone time with her computer, I found her Instant Messenger logs and found a ton of things where she had been talking to other guys and setting up meetings, talking about sex and things to do. It destroyed me and I almost walked out right then except that she came back and I confronted her face to face.She explained they were from those two weeks we were broken up and that she was lost and confused and angry at me. I found out that in that two week period she'd slept with one guy and "Fooled around" with another. I was pissed, but it was my own fault for suggesting the break in the first place.Well, it's almost a year after the break and I have that sinking feeling again...She currently goes to college away from me, meaning that I only see her for a few days every other weekend. She used to get excited when I'd found ways to come see her sooner, but lately, this last time in particular, she's been getting mad at me if I show early.Her reasoning is because I don't just come see her, I pick her up an being her back to my sister and I's apartment and she spends Friday and Saturday night here and goes back Sunday. Normally I don't pick her up till after I get off work on friday after midnight, but this past friday I managed to get lucky and got to go into work later, so I figured I'd go pick her up early. Well, she got mad, really mad, her reasoning being she didn't want to spend the seven hours of me at work alone here with my sister and neice.I can understand that, they get annoying, but it used to never bother her, now all of a sudden she's defensive about it.I pretty much forced the subject, however, and, in my suspicion, showed up early like I said I would. She was just napping, nothing there to be suspicious about.The second part of my suspicions come from an IM conversations she had on my computer while I was at work that night.I use Trillian, the windows don't just pop up unless the notifications are selected and it backlogs the conversations in the window.Well, I got home, kissed her, and sat at my computer only to see a notification on my computer. I clicked it and saw it was for her, at first i just brushed it off as a friend but then I saw the previous lines, and that's what set off the immediate warning claxon. I'll post it here so that you guys can tell me if I'm being paranoid, or if I have a right to be suspicious.Session Start (Her:Guy): Fri Apr 06 19:59:22 2007[19:59] Guy: alo???[20:04] Her: hey, for some reason your IM's are not coming thru to me...[20:04] Guy: really?[20:04] Her: the screen doesnt pop up for some odd reason[20:05] Guy: hm[20:05] Guy: what r u up to tonight?[20:05] Her: im at my bf;s hours[20:05] Her: *house[20:05] Guy: cool[20:06] Her: yeah im jsut kinda stuck here till he comes back from work later[20:06] Her: im just reading to kill time[20:08] Guy: where is his house? thought you might be avail this weekend[20:08] Her: somewhere in roselle[20:09] Her: i wont be available since im here[20:09] Guy: i figured that[20:09] Guy: how old is he?.[20:09] Her: 21[20:09] Guy: k[20:10] *** "Guy" signed off at Fri Apr 06 20:10:09 2007.Session Close (Guy): Fri Apr 06 20:13:40 2007As soon as I saw this I asked her who he was immediately and she told me it was some guy who found her SN and has been trying to set up a date with her. At first I bought it, but then I started to think, "If she doesn't want to talk to him, why does she even respond?"Not only that, but the instant I questioned her about it, she sat down at my computer and removed her AIM from it. She doesn't know how Trillian works though and didn't know about the automatic backlogging.After that she sat down with me and told me how much she loved me and that she was so excited that, in two weeks, we'd be getting our own place together. This is the main reason reason I want this figured out. The last thing I want is to move into a place with someone who can willingly cheat on me and then lie about it to my face.Please, help me guys, I'm desperate!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlright folks, I know I justp osted this, but I sat down with her today after she got off class, (We talked through IMs) and I told her how I felt about the whole situation. At first she was mad, but then she started to get understanding and then even glad that I just come strait out and asked. So, if I learned anything from this experience, it's just come right out and ask them, because if they really care for you, they'll be honest...if they don't, that's another story.
Oh yeah, she wasn't, it was jsut the paranoia acting against me, but after talking to a efw friends of mine, guys and girls, they all agree that what she was doing was kind of shady.
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (9 April 2007):
 I think these 4 lines tell the story:
[20:08] Guy: where is his house? thought you might be avail this weekend
[20:08] Her: somewhere in roselle
[20:09] Her: i wont be available since im here
[20:09] Guy: i figured that
It's my guess that something is going on. The first line tells me that this guy knows her better than you think.
I don't think it's a good idea to read other's mail, but since you opened Pandora's box, you get what you get. I wouldn't be in a hurry to move in with someone you don't trust. I think you should get some help for your medical problems and move on . . . .
Good luck.
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