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male
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anonymous
writes: My 16 year old son has told me he wants to get married to his 52-year-old girlfriend now. what do I do?Please help me, I need your advice.Martyn in Watford, Hertfordshire Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): because he has no faith in younger ones
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): I am one of those so called evil older women that fell in love with a much younger man and had the hide to want to be happy and i married him! I am now 62 and he is 37 and we have been happily married for the last 8 years. My husband was married before and has children from his previous marriage and therefore not having children with me was not an issue for us.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): This woman is a pedophile and needs to be behind bars, If you don't take the initative to have charges pressed against her and have her name put on the sex abuseres list you are not being a responsible mother.
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female
reader, Stewart Terrace +, writes (22 November 2005):
I am 18 year old girl and i did the same until my mum staoped nagging me i decided to forget it. He just wants to be a adult to soon and what the hell is she up to she is a grown woman playing with a young man's feeling's if i were you i would have a word with her then tell him he's on his own before you know it he will forget it.
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female
reader, angelicdivauk  +, writes (22 November 2005):
 Is his mother present in this whole situation? If not, you may find he is only using this woman as a mother-type figure and getting confused about his sexual feelings towards her. ask him how he feels about this and Good Luck, Hugs and Kisses xxx
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male
reader, Tim +, writes (22 November 2005):
 i can't believe it he thinks he plays in shekespares movies, he is a legend, the whole world is full of pretty 16 years old for him who will live for him till end of his life who will help him when he needs her who will be there for him all his life. isn't she his teacher at his school a divorced woman has crossed the borderlines to fall in love for her grand child. it is not funny at all she has to fall in love for a somone at her late 50s at least and leave ur innocent son alone. she can't bring any happness to his life plus she will not be there for him all his life wot a shame ;( sorry
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): Martyn, your son is a just 2 years older than my son-and I could never, ever begin to 'imagine' my kid coming home in two years and announcing he wants to marry a 52 year old woman! Your son sounds like a mature young fellow with a good life ahead of him. But let's not forget, he's also a young, impressionable teen boy who needs to find his own way in the world, first. The chances that he is in a similar place with her, in life slim to none. Just look real hard, at the big picture. He is of college age (16)and still in school. She’s been out of college/high school for almost 4 decades. A lot of maturing, growing, and learning about life, happens in just one decade and specifically, a lot happens in the decade right after college graduation. Careers are built, dreams are followed, one's adult path is being cleared and one begins to see who they are when they are no longer sheltered by the safety of youth and the guidance of their parents. The learning curve of life begins to disappear, so to speak, and he's needs to really be doing things for himself for the very first time. Even a very vibrant, 'young for her years' 52 year-old woman has had life experiences that your average college/high school boy can’t begin to fathom. It is this vast difference in life experience rather than the age gap that makes this sort of relationship so questionable and whether the balance of power will be fair and even, in this union. While situations are not always cut and dry here are some signs that the differences in his life experiences make the age gap too big to navigate. She has more in common with you and your wife than with him. He lives at home, she owns or rents her own home. He gets an allowance-she draws a salary. She’s built a career-he's looking for an after school job. He daydreams about marriage and family-she’s likely been there, done that and filed for divorce.
The biggest hurdle he will cross is that the fact that he will likely never be a father, he may never have the opportunity to experience the immense joys of watching his own children grow up. If she lives until well in her 80's, he will be 50 by the time she passes and his time to have kids will have passed him by. By now you are probably starting to see the things that make a difference and they’re not as simple as an age-gap. Life experience, shared values and common beliefs are the cornerstones of a good and solid relationship and in cases of college/high school aged kids dating older,independent adults, these essential ingredients are all too often missing. As we all age, gaps of a 5, 10 and even 15 years seem to matter less because our life experiences are more similar.
When you are a teen still finding your voice in this world dating somebody who is significantly older can stifle you. While it may seem worldly, mature or sophisticated for him to have a much older gf.. in reality, he is robbing himself of some much needed personal growth time and the joys and heartaches of dating girls his own age, socializing and hhaving fun with his guy friends. Making good, wonderful memories of his youth. Sowing his wild oats, so to speak. You do not gain maturity and insightfulness by surrounding yourself with older people-you gain it by living and learning for yourself. He needs that opportunity to live and learn about life on his own, first. Perhaps suggest to him to wait until he's 18 years old to see where he sits, as far as marrying this older woman. Maybe advise him to live on his own first, before going from your house to hers. For the sake of flourishing and growing into an independent, self-sufficient, proud young man-let him have a taste of life totally on his own, first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): Should a mature, woman in her fifties be involved with an 16 year old boy. Frankly, May/Decembers rarely work out unless scads of money are involved. Then, she's basically buying his company-and we all know what that is called.
Mature, deep, loving relationships require commitment, trust, compatibility, and a future. There isn’t a future here. Young adolescent men need to commit to preparing themselves for their future and future responsibilities. He should be focusing on school, and building his personality and character at this time, not playing house with someone whom could almost, be his grandmother.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): What problems would he face if he did marry her?Martyn in Watford, Hertfordshire
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female
reader, peachlady +, writes (21 November 2005):
You need to ask him why he wants to marry someone this age, I'm sure he will answer that he's in love with her. The thing is, you know as an adult what a big deal marriage is but in this day and age a lot of young people think that it is easy to get divorced. Maybe you need to tell him the negative things about it, after all he has got his whole life ahead of him and needs to know that he will fall in love again. Has she got children? Because if she does, does he realise they could well be older than him and also if they're younger then he could end up being a father figure to them. I don't mean scare him, just make him realise he's not living in a soap opera. If he does know this, then maybe he is mature enough to deal with that. But he is just a child and cannot get married without your consent.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): My son is doing well in college; he is getting excellent results according to his tutors!I just don't understand why he wants to get married at 16 to a woman so much older than him.Martyn in Watford, Hertfordshire
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