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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of six months sometimes seems a bit distant. When I confronted him and asked him if he wanted to end the relationship he was adamant he did not, but yet he won't introduce me to his parents.I am getting a lot of mixed messages here. He has said he loves me and I believe him because he took a while to say it. He does take me out and we generally have a good time together, though as I said, sometimes he comes across as cold and laddish.Should I devote any more time to this or is it a waste of time. We are both in our mid 20's.ThanksAngela, C'Philly
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): Going through exactly the same thing at the moment.So Ive decided to end it. Follow your head and not your heart.A relationship should be fun, not cause heartache.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): I feel sorry how hurt you are that your bf shuts you out of parts of his life. There could be a good reason 'why' he doesn't want you to meet his family totally unrelated to you. Maybe you need to clear the air with him and have a good chat. If you're certain that's not the case, perhaps you then need to stand up for yourself and set some boundries here. From my standpoint, it seems that you have given him all the power in this relationship. In the end it is your feelings which will be your best guide as to what to do if you listen to them.
A good, healthy love means that you are equal partners with an equal say in what you do. It mean that you feel completely accepted and welcomed into each other's lives. It means that you both value your relationship and you both are proud to be seen with each other. So go with your gut instincts-they are your best guide. You can tell far more about what's going on in a relationship by looking at what's happening and how you feel about it, rather than going by what your partner says. (Actions speak way louder than words) Never allow your bf to cause you hurt by exclusion-it only gives you a sense of being devalued and sidelined. You really deserve so much more. Only when you decide that your feelings really do matter as much as his do- will you have a clear way forward. If you have to break up as a result-parting with him may be painful but ask yourself, what are you losing? You are losing a guy who isn't loving you nor appreciating you, hun. Aren't you losing the feeling of playing second fiddle too? He's not the only man in the universe. There are other wonderful men out there, who want closeness and intimacy just as much as you do. But while you're hanging onto this guy, you aren't giving yourself the opportunity to find a wonderful love where some good man is proud to be seen with you. Give all this some thought. Take care, dear and I wish you the best of luck and trust in your feelings!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): Maybe he has some bad experiences introducing past girlfriends to his parents, he could even be embaressed of them, a lot of kids are embaressed by their parents. As for devoting more time to him, you're only in the baby stages of your relationship-don't give up just yet. Do some fun stuff together, but give him his space if he needs it. Often guys need that.
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