A
female
age
36-40,
*sUnhappy
writes:Okay so where to start..I am unhappy. I gave birth to my first child on October 2nd and even though my son makes me happy, my boyfriend does not.My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. When I first started dating him, he was a rebound. After time, I really started loving him. The problem is that we fight all the time. Literally. When he was growing up, his mother was an enabler. While he did a good job of paying his own bills and living in his own apartment with no roommates, he absolutely DOES NOT clean. He doesn't know how. As a child, his mother did everything for him, from never giving him chores other than the yard and cleaning his room even after she would tell him to do it himself.So while we lived in our old apartment, he lost his job. So not only was I working and paying all the bills, but I was cleaning and cooking, and providing money for all the fun stuff (going out, drinks, xbox games, etc.) and he did nothing but sit on his butt playing games all day and not attempting anything constructive.So I mostly do everything in the house with him occasionally doing the dishes, taking out the dog and the trash, and sometimes helping to take care of the baby. While I appreciate that he does the dishes, I feel like his mother because I have to check behind him to make sure that the dishes are actually clean because he does a terrible job.With our son, he tries to play video games while holding him, instead of interacting with him and helping him learn. I don't ever ask him to get up with the baby at night because he works, but only 4 days a week and sometimes not even 6 hours a day. He then proceeds to sit on his ass on his days off without offering any help to me whatsoever when I am barely getting 4 hours of sleep a day while watching our son, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and taking care of our dog. I am exhausted and want more help.He says that I complain to much and that I should let him take initiative, but he doesn't. Even if I zip my mouth for a few days, the dishes will sit in the sink and the house will continue being untidy and disorganized. I don't want to be his mother (what he refers to me as) but I just don't see how I can try to compromise about any of this when he doesn't even want me asking him to take care of anything or lend a helping hand.I am beyond exhausted and start school in a few weeks along with work. I seriously cannot handle getting 4 hours of sleep while maintaining all these duties, taking care of my son and dog, going to school, and working all by myself. HELP!
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Your boyfriend sounds absolutely useless, but, there is no reason to state the obvious without making a point. The point here is that you have no need of him. He does not make you happy, he does not help around the house, right, now, he is merely a parasite to your world. So you can do one of two things, either you leave him (which would be the same as being with him except, you will be cooking for just you and your baby, you will have less clothes to wash and fold and put away, you will have less of a headache because no one will be sitting around playing video games all day long and you will have reasonably more time with your son out of both freedom and necessity), OR you can make it a point to make him grow up. He wants to be treated like a child? Then treat him like a child. Take away his video games and tell him that if he does not start pulling his weight, you will leave him because you have absolutely no use for him at all.
I hope that helps.
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