A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my husband is the greatest guy in the world until he starts drinking, he loves my son from a previous marraige, but when he drinks it seems like my son is the worst kid in the world and I am the worst mother. I was going to leave him a couple of months ago but when I told my son whom is 10 years old he cryed and said he loved his step dad and that he never wanted to leave. Im afraid my son will hate me if I drag him trough another divorce. but I walk on pens and needles every time we are all together and my husband starts drinking I cant take watching my son be punished every time my husband gets drunk. he has never touched him, it is the mental abuse that my son has to deal with. so he spends a lot of time in his room by himself, I cant take it, what should I do
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female
reader, AbiiBabes  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 For your son's sake, get rid of him!
Obviously your son is going to come first ALWAYS, and he will grow up being abusive aswell, if he's 'rolemodel' is, and then your son will be hated for bashing his woman about or something like that, and im sure you want the ebst for your son babe x so whether your son wants hi mto leave or not, deep down, you know its best if your husband goes x
take care x
all the best x
xx Abii'''Parker xx
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (30 January 2008):
 What sort of mother are you to accept this sort of behaviour from a guy who is supposed to be your son's role model? Plus you call your hubby the greatest guy in the world, even the greatest guy in the world would not treat his wife and her son like a piece of s**t. He is nothing but a drunken vile bully, who needs to reported to Social services. What your husband is doing is a form of child abuse and you just sit back and let that poor mite take it.
Which is kind of aiding and abetting to your son's misery.
Do the decent thing for your son and get help NOW!!!!.
I rest my case.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): hihun afriend of mine had a similar problem she recorded her husband a couple of times when he was drunk, then asked him to seek help when he objected she had the evidence to prove how bad he was.
He's stopped drimking now and they're all really happy.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Hi,
This is extremely hard, as your child will say whatever he thinks will make you happy. Also children often stay close to the abuser, because they will do anything out of fear and trying to please the person that's abusing them.
How do I know this!! because I put my own son through exactly the same thing as you are doing.
I wanted him to have a daddy, and at first my ex seemed like a nice guy. As my son got older, it got worse because he started to argue and fight back. My son didnt like the way my ex treated me, and started to really rebel, he got into drugs and lots of trouble with the police. I ended up taking anti-depresants, and really didnt know which way to turn. The crunch came when my son ran away from home, at 15. You can imagine how devastated I was. And yet I still stayed in the same house as the man that lost me my little boy. I will never forgive myself for that, even though my son was safe and living in his mates house, I still suffer from the guilt.
My partner started to be really nice to me, so nice, I hated him for it. Until one day, I told him I wanted to leave him and be with my little boy. He kicked me out of our back door (which was quite high up). He broke my elbow and dislocated my shoulder, and I had to go to hospital. I ended up going back to him that night. But the next day while I was on my own, I got my clothes together and left him.
I moved into a flat with my son, and now he is 20 years old and a wonderfull boy. He has his own little flat with a lovely girlfriend. And we are very close.
I am telling you all this, because it could have ended so different. I could have lost him permanantly, or he could have gone to jail. It took me a long time to realise, that your children must always come first. You can always get another partner, but my kids are my life,(luckily the older one never had to suffer my ex) and my present partner is the same as me. His kids will always come before me, and thats how it should be.
XX
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (30 January 2008):
Hi there
I came to this site a few months ago with the same type of trouble with my husband. He was a lovely guy when sober but drunk he was verbally and physically abusive towards me and verbally abusive towards my son (his step son). I called the police after he had hurt me and had him arrested - I thought my son would be relieved as he hated him when he was drunk, but he did the same thing as your son, cried and begged me to let daddy move back in (my son is six) so I took my husband back. I felt that I couldn't let another 'daddy' leave him if there was a possible alternative.
We had a rough couple of months following where he was trying to 'cut back' on drinking and trying to only drink when he was in a good mood but it wasn't successful. Then my son told his teacher what my husband was like when he was drinking and we were reported to social services.
I thought it would be my worst nightmare, but they have been really good, and it gave my husband the kick he needed to give up alcohol completely. They explained to him the effects of his drinking on himself, our children and me. He also finally admitted the domestic violence which he never had seen it as that before. He had not had a drink for a couple of weeks before we were reported, but he did that all the time and then started again, and now he has not had a drink now since Nov 12th and our relationship is getting good again, they have also arranged for my son to see a school counsellor to make sure that this has no lasting impact and they have a much better relationship now.
I am trying to reassure you that you can get things back on track, but your husband will need help to accept that he can't drink - at all - ever. My husband would never admit that he had a 'problem' with alcohol, but they have explained to him that if you know that you will hurt others but do it anyway it is a problem. He will also need help to accept that what he is doing is wrong and that there is other ways of dealing with anger or unresolved issues.
I know that his GP would be able to arrange a counselling service for him or a referral to addaction if his problem is severe, but I also know from experience that getting him to a Dr, talking about the problems (without whitwashing them) and then him to actually ring the counselling service is really hard.
But you need to take action not only for your son but your own state of mind. Walking on eggshells whenever he is drinking is tiring, stressfull and demoralising.
Please feel free to email me if you want someone to talk to.
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A
female
reader, Trinnity08 +, writes (30 January 2008):
 protect your child , you have a divin insict to protect your offspring so do it before the abuse damages him or gets worse trinnity
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Your son is only 10 years young. Not able to fully understand what abuse can do to a person over a long period of time. You're the parent, and as the parent, it's your duty to protect your child both physically and mentally. You can tell that by your coment, "he spends alot of time in his room by himself". I child needs to feel that they can move freely within their home, without fear. I'm sure you know that long time mental abuse on a "male" child has a greater affect than physical abuse.
It's not always easy to be the parent, and we don't alway like having to make decisions that may upset our children, but in their best interest we have to make choices that best affect them.
You could always talk to your husband when he's not drinking. Just let him know your leaving to protect the mental health of your child. He has a drinking problem and isn't recognizing he needs help with that, and you can't in any way allow your son to be treated that way.
Now from a legal stand point. Hypothetically, he tells a friend that he's being mentally abused. The friend tells his mom, who calls the police. Your husband goes to jail for the crime, you go to jail for accessory, or intentional infliction of mental harm, by knowingling allowing this situation to continue, and your son really gets metally harmed by going into the foster care system.
If I were you, I'd choose to protect my child.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 I am sorry about your troubles but he need help.he could join the AAA or go online.
You could go to this website and read up about alcoholics anonymous;-
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm
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