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I have some problems with a housemate!

Tagged as: Friends, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 December 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 22 December 2009)
A female United States age 51-59, *ana1225 writes:

Dear Cupid,

I did a favor to my cousin and helped a woman he knows when she was in the town where I live. Until she gets situated, or her so boyfriend that she is madley in love with returns from overseas. she is living in my Apt, paying symbolic fee. Whenever my friends came over she would be around, and whenever I went out I took her with me.

Recently, she met a guy friend of mine of 10 years, he expressed interest in her, but she told me and him no. So she goes off to another state for 2 weeks, during that time, my friend of 10 years had sex for the first time, even though we always flirted and kissed. When she returned, I shared that with her, then 3 days later I found out that she went out with him, and did not even tell that, until I found out on my own. Since then, she says they are going out to dinner and spend the night and returns in the morning, and does not say a thing. But she is interested always in what I am doing, or how I am going out with. It's driving me crazy. I don't love the guy, but I felt both of them did not respect me at all by what they did.

View related questions: cousin, flirt

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A female reader, jana1225 United States +, writes (22 December 2009):

jana1225 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your answer, I have been thinking to tell her nicely to move out as you stated. I shared this with my cousin, and he told me to be honest with her and share my disappointments with her, however, he said do it classy and gracefuly. He totaly understands the mistake she has done, and that yes I am entitled to my privacy, as she goes out spends night and does not inform me of her departures and arrivals,so I can have my plans as I wish in the comfort of my own home, and walks in like nothing ever happened and expects a conversation with me.

Thanks again.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (19 December 2009):

Aunty BimBim agony auntI have been in a similar situation, its time the friend moved on out, give her a date, two weeks should be sufficient, practice your speech something along the lines of "I have been happy to help you out but I am finding myself getting resentful because I like my own space. I would appreciate it if you could find somewhere else to live by January 4th and would like you to return my key on that day"

By putting an actual date removes any grey areas where misunderstandings could occur. If your cousin who you are doing the favour for has a problem with it, she can go live in his house!

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