A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My sister 33 left her bf of 6 years in December. She didn't tell me they were having problems until after the breakup. Then she suddenly met someone else and was saying how happy she is. Her ex did so much for her so I stopped talking to her after she told me. I think she is so selfish. Now I see she's in a different country spending time with this new interest. She sent me a birthday card in April which I didn't acknowledge.i don't want to talk to her. Apart from sending a birthday card she hasn't tried to contact me, I was quite angry when she told me about the breakup and this new guy so I had some choice words for her and she hasn't tried to talk since. I feel angry with her. I only met her ex twice in 6 years but he seemed like a really nice guy and supported her financially while she studied for two years. I feel like I don't want her in my life now. I have always paid my own way and had to do everything myself and I think there's not many men who would support someone. And all relationships have issues - I have had to work hard to keep my marriage together for ten years and she just gives up when it gets slightly difficult.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2021): In case you may be still reading this:
You are angry at yourself.
You say that you did everything by yourself and that your sister just does what she wants and uses whom she wants.
You are bitter because she acts the way she does and you can't due to your own set of principles.
She will NEVER be like you. EVER. Narcissists don't change. But people like you can. You don't have to be like her, but you can stop doing things you don't want to do while still being a caring and a decent human being.
E.g. if that's the case, stop doing things to please others all the time. Do it once in a while, on special occasions but NEVER do anything that you really don't want to do, like have sex. But you can watch a ballgame with your husband once in a while if it means a lot to him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2021): This makes me so mad to read.
Who are you to judge your sister or make her life choices for her?
You think because her ex supported her financially that she owes him a relationship? Love should be unconditional without the need for control which is what that is.
You met this guy twice, you know nothing about what went on behind closed doors. He could have been making her life miserable for all you know and you will never know because your sister will no longer trust you enough to confide in you after this.
Show some loyalty as a sister and be supportive of her decisions like a good sister should! Whether you like it or not, she is happy having made steps to make herself that way. Good for her and shame on you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2021): You're on the wrong side. You only met the guy twice, and you've stopped talking to your own sister for leaving him?
How much do you love her? Not much I gather!
I've lost one sister to Hodgkin's Disease, one to lupus, and one got knee surgery; and a blood clot went to her lung and brain. Otherwise, she was perfectly healthy! Wanna trade places???
Tell me. How is her relationship any of your business? You don't live with him, you can't judge what kind of a man he is by meeting him only twice! Just because a man pays your bills, doesn't mean he gives a rat's ugly tail about you! That's one of the main reasons some men are cruel to women! He wants her to be financially-dependent and at his mercy!
You and your sister share your DNA! That guy isn't even married to your sister; but you're not talking to your sister for breaking-up with him. In what plausible dimension of reality does that make any sense?
Family-members feud over the most ridiculous nonsense! Here we are rounding the bend from a lethal pandemic; after so many people have lost loved-ones, and you're not speaking to your sister over something that's none of your business!!! People have lost, and are losing, family during natural disasters; recent acts of war, and famine. Do you watch the news? It can happen in your own town, in your own family!
If you're disappointed because you feel she used him; you can admonish her for taking advantage of someone. It's between your sister and her ex to workout their differences regarding their relationship; and up to them to deal with all the details and dynamics involved. You're probably choosing sides without knowing all the sordid-details. You're supposed to be supportive and neutral in this situation...that means you should butt-out! Your feelings about how she should treat her man is irrelevant!
What if you breakup with your husband? Do you want everyone in your family running to his side, and shutting you out? Right or wrong, you'd expect them to stand by you! You don't have to accept all her choices; but you are her sister!
If you do know the sordid-details, why didn't you mention them in your post, so your meddlesome-behavior would make a modicum of sense?
It was his choice, if he wanted to be her sugar-daddy. Very often some men think it makes him a big-man to splurge; and lavish his girlfriends with money, jewelry, and gifts. In exchange, they treat them as if they own them like property. Bought and sold! Ever-reminding them who pays the bills, and who their benefactor is. He should have the right to do whatever he pleases with or to her! If it was given from the heart, he doesn't expect anything in return. Love is not exchanged for money.
FYI, nobody just continuously gives you money without wanting something big in return. Sooner or later, the recipient realizes they're selling their body and souls; and decide they no longer want to be a part of that kind of arrangement. Even though it was all very tempting at the beginning!
Sometimes women who don't want to be treated like "gold-diggers" or "charity-cases" decide it's not the kind of relationship they really want to have with a man. We all come to our senses, sooner or later!
Even some self-admitted gold-diggers can become reformed; and begin to see the error of their ways. Sometimes women in boyfriend-funded relationships just decide they'd rather find true-love, get married, and have kids; rather than live-off the contents of some guy's wallet. Feeling more like an employee, hooker, or his servant; than a girlfriend! Some of these big-shots aren't as generous as they seem. They call themselves purchasing you on a time-payment plan. They intend to cash-in in their investment someday! If he loves her, he did it to help her; and it came strictly from his heart. It doesn't mean they can't fall out of love!
Madam, any way you slice it, you're on the outside looking-in! Yet you've arbitrarily decided to disown your own sister. You rudely refused to thank her for a birthday card. That was soooooooooo petty! It was mean too!
Who's really the bad-girl here? Thinking you should stay with a man, just because he'll pay your bills. Whether he's nice or not! If she's not nice, she did the right thing to set him free for someone who deserves him!
Would you have used him if you could?
In all your self-righteousness indignation, did you even bother to get the inside-details to give your own sister the benefit of the doubt? Going by your post, you just judged and sentenced her on the spot. He's not even your brother-in-law! If he isn't a wealthy man, it was rather dumb of him to part with his money in such a way. If he never planned to marry her; being a "kept-woman" only benefits you as long as he's feeling generous. Once he shuts-off the funds, what's the point of sticking-around?
Since we're not getting your sister's side of this, none of this really makes sense. I could see more logic in your behavior, if he was a good and decent husband; and she just up and left him for another man. Even that would be none of your business; but you'd have some right to express your disappointment. Not just shut her out and cut her off!
Maybe you just resent and feel envious of your sister; and you just need an excuse to cut-ties to ease the jealousy. Don't hide behind ridiculous reasons. At least let it be something on high moral-grounds. Not because she left her boyfriend, and got a new-one. How long before she did it is her business!
How deep is she allowed to dip into your personal-life and snoop around in your business? Is there anything you feel severe enough that she'd have a right to simply disown you as her sister? Are you the good-one, and she's the evil-one?
She's your sister! Even if she has done you wrong or dirty; you'd still have to forgive her, and love her from a distance. The silent-treatment is pretty mean for the silly reason you've given.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 May 2021):
 I don't see how it's any of your business whom your sister dates, and having met a person a couple of times hardly makes you an expert on that person.
Whatever the reason her past relationship broke down is none of your business. That you would alienate your own sister for anyone, let alone some ex boyfriend says a great deal about the type of person you are.
Very pompous, selfish of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2021): What if the ex beat her?I am serious.You really did not know him at all.What if he raped her?You are acting totally strange.You are not your sisters keeper.Only she can decide who to love.It is not your beeswax.How long have you been jealous of your sister?You need therapy.This is not normal at all!You want out of your marriage and are projecting your feeling on to her.Not cool.Get help.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 May 2021):
 Do you actually have a question for us? I can't see one in your post. All I see is that you are jealous of your younger sister and have, rather self-righteously, decided to "punish" her for not living her life as you live yours.
You met her ex a couple of times and, on that basis, decided he was a good guy who your sister should stay with, just because he supported her financially for a couple of years. Do you have any idea why the relationship broke up?
Your marriage has nothing to do with your sister, just as her relationships have nothing to do with you. She reached out to you by sending you a birthday card but you decided to cut off your nose to spite your face by refusing to acknowledge the contact. Problem here is, who is happy and who is not? I bet she is not thinking about you anywhere near as much as you are about her. She is busy enjoying her life. Why not concentrate on your own life and let her lead hers as she sees fit?
I completely understand that it can be difficult not to feel resentful when someone seems to sail through life with no responsibilities. However, this does not affect YOUR life so why not just be happy for her that she leads a relatively "easy" life? (I am sure she has her fair share of worries and issues, most of which you are probably not even aware of.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2021): What's the actual question here? You've basically outlined you think that somehow her relationship was your business and now you don't want to talk to her, a bit weird considering you only met him a couple of times in six years.Is the question behind this weird post should she care what you think? Absolutely notSo basically this is about you, so you have a miserable marriage in which you dont get the "perks" you thought she had and you don't think she should have given it up because you envied what she had.Your sisters choices in life is none of your beeswax so long as she isn't hurting anyone and while the ex might be upset as Honeypie stated they aren't married so she is free to move on.My advice is mind your own business and focus on your own relationship, she doesn't owe you naff all in way of apology or explanation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2021): You cant control what relationships your sister has. It's her choice who she dates. It might be a poor choice but that's up to her. Surely the relationship you have with your sister is more important than the relationships she has with others?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 May 2021):
 I'm not sure how it's up to you who your sister can or can not date. You thought her ex "seemed" like a nice guy... maybe he was, maybe he was a total dickwad behind closed doors. Or he cheated, did drugs, was super boring or not wanting kids, or to get married... Or another MYRIAD of reasons.
YOU don't know. And you and your sister weren't so close she confided in you.
Your marriage is not her relationship.
It's GOOD that you have worked hard to keep your marriage going and keep it good. SHE (however) wasn't married to the ex. SHE could leave when the going got tough or boring.
You judge her because she isn't doing what YOU think she should be doing even though you don't have ANY of the facts of how their relationship REALLY was.
If you don't want her in your life, that is on you. But... I do find it ironic how you tout your own horn on HOW hard you worked on your marriage... but you can't do that for your relationship with your sister...
Just saying.
Do you. She seems to be doing what SHE wants with HER life.
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