A
female
age
30-35,
*osey07
writes:So my sister was having some marital problems and she met this guy who she confided in and he gave her some advice well atleast that's what she told me. I was single for approximately for years. She introduced this guy to me after some months and approximately 1month after that she suggested that we hook up and I asked her if she was crazy however,she insisted that we did. After months of insisting he's a great guy and has good qualities I decided to go on a date with him. Whenever he came around and they were around at the same time she acted funny which was weird so so I asked her if she had feelings for him and if theu had sex or any intimate reactions and she denied it. I asked him and the response was basically the same. I decided to give this relationship a chance after dating for about 4 months so we were together for about four months. Fast forward 8 months later we had a confrontation and she happened to be there and blurted out some things and I was sooo confused.He then told me they had sex even when we were in the courting stage. I picked up myself and walked away and I just couldn't hold back the tears.He said he was terribly sorry and she begged him not to tell me in order to save her marriage and he really loves me and want to be with me. What would you have done in a situation like this I need your advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2018): I take it she did this whilst on a split with her husband as opposed to cheating on him?
But either way what they both did was wrong and you have said you can't forget, which is perfectly understandable, question is can you forgive but not forget?
I would as i said be keeping her at arms length and wouldn't date anyone she suggests. Date men you meet yourself in future and don't waste a second of your time thinking about the loser this post is about, he ain't worth your time.
A
female
reader, Rosey07 +, writes (5 June 2018):
Rosey07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is she was not there when he told me about it and when I told her he told me she said he's a MF. Funny enough she left her email open on my laptop and I saw their whats app chats. Its almost one month since I confronted her and to date am yet to get an apology. She actually thinks I'm over reacting. Sisters dont do those things to sisters and I don't think I can ever trust her again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2018): For me the big issue is not so much the guy (a lot of men are scum, no surprise there) but your sister! Can you forgive her? Do you live near her? Has she apologized?
Men come and go, but you only have one family. I would dump the guy and try to decide if you want to make peace with your sister.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Mystrijaded86  +, writes (4 June 2018):
 My advice is to cut your losses now.
Dont take a gamble on a known loser and yes this may be harsh but if he has been devious and unfaithful from get go he has already told you what your worth to him.
Back yourself, your right to obtain true happiness is actually being blocked!
You deserve, as we all do, to be in a relationship where loyalty, fidelity and respect are the standard not the exception - stand tall knowing this is totally unacceptable behaviour this relationship is always going to be a cause for future distress and self doubt!
You truly deserve better pls don't sacrafice your quality of life or possible positive future prospects for someone you know is not worthy - run for the hills now.
And wishing you well in however you choose to move forward.
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A
female
reader, Mystrijaded86 +, writes (4 June 2018):
My advice is to cut your losses now.
Don't take a gamble on a known loser and yes this may be harsh but if he has been devious and unfaithful from get go he has already told you what your worth to him.
Back yourself, your right to obtain true happiness is actually being blocked!
You deserve, as we all do, to be in a relationship where loyalty, fidelity and respect are the standard not the exception - stand tall knowing this is totally unacceptable behaviour this relationship is always going to be a cause for future distress and self doubt!
You truly deserve better pls don't sacrafice your quality of life or possible positive future prospects for someone you know is not worthy - run for the hills now.
And wishing you well in however you choose to move forward.
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A
female
reader, Rosey07 +, writes (3 June 2018):
Rosey07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate these responses its helping me get over this really traumatic situation.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 June 2018):
 I would cut him off 100%.
And I would do the same with your sister. A SISTER shouldn't lie to you about something like this. She shouldn't USE you to hide the "lover" and she shouldn't have pushed him on you, so she could still see him and people would think he was YOURS...
That's despicable and I would NOT forgive a sibling for doing that to me. Nope.
He wants her. Not you. He is settling for you because he can't GET with her. that is NOT the kind of man you'd want as a partner.
I'd tell them both to go jump of a cliff and NEVER talk to me again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2018): Hmm that is downright dirty behavior for them both to have done that to you. Your sister is selfish and only seems to care about how it affects her and he is not boyfriend material.
Move on from him, forgive but don't forget what she did and in future meet and date men that have no involvement from her in the first place.
This is about them though not you, so don't beat yourself up over what they have done, i would be ashamed of myself if i was any of their shoes for doing that to you and to her husband.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 June 2018):
 I get the impression you are not that keen on this guy. It seems you only went out with him because your sister talked you into it.
If this is the case, I would keep walking and not look back. The whole situation is too close to home and likely, at some point, to blow up in your faces. The only one who doesn't know about what went on is her husband. What will happen when he eventually finds out? How uncomfortable will that be? The sooner this guy is off the scene, the better and safer. If your sister insists on keeping in contact with him afterwards, that is HER decision. At least YOU won't be involved.
I suspect she persuaded you to go out with him so he could have a legitimate reason to hang around. If they were having sex while you were courting, you will never be able to forget this and will always suspect there is something between them. Cut him loose. Tell your sister not to ever use you in this way again and to concentrate on sorting our her marriage.
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