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male
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*ran C
writes: Hi, Me and my wife have had relationship problems In 1994 she had an affair. I forgave her and in 1999 we had our first child. In 2002, she had another affair and the diffiulty I had was multiplied because I now had a son whom I had to consider. I forgave her again but the relationship had naturally been severley damaged by all of this. In 2005, she accidentally fell pregnant and she wanted to keep it but I firmly said no!... this would be a big mistake.... and she accepted this and terminated the pregnancy. This week, she has just told me that she is pregnant and this time she is going to keep it. She is worried because at 40, she may not get another chance.... but I am still unsure about the whole thing..... What do I do? I would like another child but the way I still feel, I am worried that this is the beginning of the end.Some advice please?Thanks
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reader, juliagulia  +, writes (2 March 2006):
 You definitely can't tell her not to have a baby when she wants to have a baby. I know it is kind of unfair to the men involved when we women make decisions against their will and whatever, but that is just the way it goes, unfortunately. If you are too pushy about her ending her pregnancy, you will definitely push her away. She may have regretted her decision to terminate the pregnancy before according to your wishes when it sounds like she didn't want to. Regardless, you need to learn to trust your wife again if you are going to be together. I assume that you put all of that info in about her cheating because you feel insecure in the relationship from it and think having another child is a bad idea. If that is the case, then I suggest you talk with her about it and see what you can do to get the relationship back on track before baby # 2 comes along!
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (1 March 2006):
 Last year when she fell pregnant, was that through an affair or not? I was just wondering why you would be considering this year to keep the child when last year she had a termination.
I am assuming she is pregnant by you now. Your wife having another child doesn't necessarily mean that she will be faithful to you now but on the other hand, it may mean that it might settle her down more. It is hard to say.
I think you need to have some serious discussions with your wife.
You realise that just because you have children together, it doesn't mean you have to stay together. Ultimately, children are not happy being with a mum and dad who aren't happy together so you wouldn't be doing them any favours.
You obviously love your wife because you have chosen to stay with her. Couples counselling may help to work through some of your troubles.
Insisting she has an abortion is an emotive one to say the least. She is in charge of her own body and the baby so ultimately it is up to her what she chooses to do. Age is a factor to consider.
The best thing you can do is talk very thoroughly with your wife and discuss in detail the future. Talk about ground rules, find ways to work through the problems you have together, think about counselling.
I'm sure you realise this is a very serious decision you are both making and the baby has to be priority.
I hope this helps.
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