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female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I just broke up after three years. He was unwilling to move forward and forget the past. Initially we were not speaking, but now he's calling and I am willingly answering. Should I cut this loose and eliminate contact? I can hear in his voice that he misses me, but I don't know if he is adult enough (he's 29) to handle this anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2006): You don't give us much information in your posting, so I will just share what I am interpreting from it. I could be wrong but if anything-someone else might benefit..who knows!
Whether or not your ex bf adult enough to handle a relationship with you, is not your problem-it's his. Some men remain little boys their whole life and never want to change. I worry about men who at 29 display immaturity such as, bringing up painful memories of the past and not letting go. This is a form of control. Is this what you want a repeat of? This may not be the right assessment of your bf, it sounds like he's lonely and wants to keep tabs on you, dear. Remember, there is a type of man who doesn't necessarily want to be connected to a woman, but they don’t like the thought of anyone else connecting with her. These men are unsafe because, they consider women 'their' property. They only tend to show action and be very attentive when the woman strikes out on her own and lives life without him. Sadly, these guys have no skills or ability to maintain a love relationship. You know him best-will he forget the past and move forward if you were to get back together? I don't think he will. He has to grow up, first. This toxicity will eventually make it's way back in to your relationship with him. I would end this relationship and stop all contact. Think long and hard about this and please be careful. Take care.
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (1 March 2006):
 At 29 i would say that he is mature enough to handle a relationship and any problems that go with it...you dont say why you split up? Did something happen in the past that he cannot forgive? If he has started to call you again then its obvious that he misses you and wants to sort things out...do you love him enough to do that? If you feel that you have tried to work this relationship out and still your no better off then perhaps its time to move on.Only you can answer that question,3 yrs is a long time...if you dont want to give up on him then have a heart to heart talk with him and then take it from there..dont keep going backwards and forwards though...
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