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*TheAlmightyDuckx
writes:Hey Guys! Little situation I need some help with and your input would be great. I am a 17 year old female, and I am currently at college and I have Bipolar as many of you may know. Before I share my problem with you I just want to say I have had years of therapy which I no longer need or want so that is not an option. And just so you know I am on medication for the Bipolar which I feel at the moment is working fine. I have huge self esteem issues, and i've been over them many times with therapists, friends, parents and what not. No matter how much I seem to talk about them to others they never seem to get any better, so I have come to you guys. I have acheived so much in my short life so far, and I know I should be proud of it, but for some reason, I am not. I have gone from being housebound to going out almost every day, I have gone from having no friends to having friends that I couldn't ever wish for, I have managed to get an A* in my GCSES despite missing a year of school and not being there for a huge majority of it. I have gone from being on strong anti-pyschotics to a simple anti-depressant, I have gone from having therapy 3 times a week to none at all, I managed to lose 2 stone in the past even though I need to lose some more weight, I'm aiming for C's and B's even though I started my college course late, I've managed to let go of the bad influences in my life and sort out my image a little, i've done all of that and for some reason i'm still not proud of myself. I know deep down I should be but i'm not, it just feels like something is missing, it feels like anything good I do there is always something else which needs fixing, sometimes its feels like I am on a quest to be perfect and I know thats impossible. I just need to get my self esteem up, I have huge problems with my acheivements and huge problems with my looks, I would love to have a boyfriend in the future but it feels like I am too different to ever attract someone nice, and I know thats a silly thought but its the way I feel. If anyone has any tips or advice or anything at all on how to boost your self esteem it would be great. I know this is something I must fix myself but I don't know where to start, and I think i've realized that until I fix this, everything I do will be irrelevant to me because I'll never be proud of it. Thanks for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): My dear, what you're saying is fully understood. You want to feel better. Maybe talking to a professional is just what you need. What have you got to lose? You have everything to gain.
If you're born with an impediment of any kind, anyone would want it to just go away. You learn to accept just who you are; and make the best of life.
Go in for some treatment. Just do what you can, and see how it goes. They just might know exactly what you need.
Please give it a chance!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): good luck with everything, ok? i wish i could comfort you. i feel your pain. for some reason your pain feels a little like my depression, so i think you and i are kind of on the same path, huh? you shouldn't be ashamed. and if you are, you should think of your health first rather then like, oh, i don't know the words to say. just don't be ashamed about yourself, focus on the rest of your life. i really do hope it works out for you sis! i'll be praying for you. good luck x!
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reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (19 February 2014):
xTheAlmightyDuckx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Okay. I'll admit for once I do not know what to do anymore. I don't want therapy because they let me down, I don't want it because it makes me feel like a freak, it takes up time when I have pressure to get into college and yeah, I want what I have to disaper so badly that sometimes I think if I ignore it for long enough it will go away. I want to be better, even if i'm not I desperately want to be normal, I feel like an outsider where ever I go, I prefer to just stay indoors and watch from a distance because I don't even know who I am anymore. Nothing makes me happy, I'm really lonely because people don't even notice me any more. I feel as though what I have is nothing but a weakness and I know from first hand experience that having any kind of weakness is like having a window which lets all the monsters in. I cannot trust anyone, because I don't trust myself, it seems so many people have better lives than me and they all seem happy and care free and normal and then there is just me. It constantly feels like a part of my life is in-complete, and there is huge gap which I cannot fill. I prefer to just sit there and say everything is fine because explaining it shows emotion and letting people in is like setting myself on fire. I do not want to deal with this for the rest of my life, I want things to be good, and I want to be happy, I don't want to be filled with drugs and sent to talk about my problems because it makes me ashamed to admit that I cannot control my own brain. Not to mention there is all the fuss about changing my mind because then people might think i'm doing it for attention or playing silly games. But if a complete stranger says that I need to go back, then fair enough. I will ring them up tomorrow and ask to get an appoinment as soon as to resume therapy. I will go back for the CBT but not the CAT as that just made me angry. I hope you are right about this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): Most systems of treatment are over-burdened and often bursting with patients in need of help.
Unfortunately, there can't always be an individual therapist for each and every patient in crisis at the same time.
Your first reaction when you're stressed is to panic. Not wait, or call back. Just get upset and give up. That's symptomatic of your illness. You are also impatient and pessimistic about everything. You think only the worst.
So advice here will have limited to no effect on you.
Giving up on therapy is certainly up to you. Deciding once and for all that the system is whacked, and you just wont deal with it; is going to be doing yourself an injustice.
Your getting through this bout with depression is going to need therapy. You are deliberately avoid it; using that missed call your convenient excuse. It is quite lame to be honest. You really want to avoid therapy, my dear.
You thought you could come here and use DC as a substitute.
The best advice anyone can give you is to call your therapist and tell him/her what happened when you had a crisis and no one was available for you. Then maybe something can be done about that.
Sorry,if every-time you have a crisis there may not be anyone there for your call.
You virtually give a thousand reasons why nothing works for you. Why everything and everyone has let you down. No one understands, no one listens, and no one is fair to you. That isn't true. Most of that is in your mind.
You mind tells you nothing works; because you want your condition to be cured and just go away. You will have to live with it the rest of your life. It takes effort for everyone to deal with life, the pressures, and the disappointments that come with it.
If you give up on asking for help altogether; it's because your judgement is impaired. You never have fun, because you need therapy to bring you back into alignment. You're going of-course. No one can force you to have fun.
Exactly why do you have friends? Are they just people you complain to, or do you actually talk about anything else?
Your parents give up in frustration; because they just don't know what to do or say. Bipolarity is a mental illness; and there is no cure. There are ways to live with it and it starts with working with your therapist and other mental-health professionals who show you how to manage your impairment. They provide a treatment program most suited to your needs. They give you guidance and support you can't find anywhere else. Even if they do fail you on occasion.
There are so many people who need help. Some are just people who give up, and some are people who really need help like you.
You unfortunately have depression and a very poor outlook about everything. Not only would that be very frustrating for your family; but the futility of trying to help you upsets them greatly. There is noting anyone can say or do that can help you better than your therapist. You've vowed yourself off the help, but I don't buy your excuses.
Once you get back into therapy and your treatment is adjusted; things will improve. There is little anyone can do about your negative outlook. That will become adjusted once the right treatment is put into practice.
I guess that's work you'll have to do under the watchful eye and guidance of your therapist. Sometimes we can't always get someone on the first few calls. That doesn't mean we never call again. Your parents gave up only because you have.
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reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (19 February 2014):
xTheAlmightyDuckx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thankyou for your advice like loads, but this isn't the only time i've been let down by the system and even though thats how it is and I am aware it sucks, its not helping anymore. I guess thats the bottom line, it just isn't doing anything for me, it used to and before the sessions were cancelled I used to walk in and basically they would ask me if I was okay, i'd say yes and that was it. Another reason why I cancelled the sessions was because it took up too much time in college, and I really need to focus on that. My friends aren't the sort of friends who will really go out with me, I only have 3 friends, two of them just come round mine and if I asked them to come to the city with me for the day or if they would like to come out with me for dinner they would just see it as weird (i've already asked one of them and he just said no), and the third friend is normally pre-occupied with her life. I'm really sorry to hear about your family and your PSTD I know that one can be really horrible, but i've had it the same, half of my family has died, and the other half have disowned me and the ones I live with. My mum will choose when she wants to be supportive and has her own issues and my gran also has her own issues and I don't want to burden her with anything. I understand everything you are saying about the therapy, but what exactly am I meant to do when they just write me off, if something is wrong or I desprerately need help they aren't there, they are fine if everything is fine but if something goes wrong they don't really care. I've been through the whole bringing up the past bit, i've spoken about it in great detail more than once, and now they want me to do it all over again, and why would I want to bring up old wounds which i've worked so hard to forget? Every hard part in my life I have dealt with pretty much on my own, fair enough i've had some encouragement from some mental health workers in the past but thats it, i've done everything by myself. They left me for almost a year on anti-pyschotics when I was supposed to be being monitored and because of that I put on a shit-tonne of weight, and then the one time I needed help they couldn't be bothered, I know they have other paitents and to them its a job but why should I carry on trusting a service which has let me down mutiple times and more often than not left me to my own devices without any guidance. I'll look up some inspirational quotes and I guess from here on out i'll learn to deal with it myself and come up with some sort of plan to help me just feel better in general, its worked in the past, I hope like my situation your one gets better too, thankyou very much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): i so understand what your saying! its like, when someone says, "oh no worries. trust me." so you think to rely on them, you think its another weight lifted off your shoulders. and then, when you need them, what do you know? they've turned around and said, "nah can't help you my help's not available. sorry." and your left thinking, "sure your sorry. you couldn't give another care in the world." and btw, thanks for the advice about having a bf, but for some reason it seams like he's the only one i can go to. i'm going through depression right now, and my father died some months ago with cancer. and there's just these times, when i'm in my house, and it all gets too much, and i just have to leave the house and melt down on his shoulder. and he's always there. he's more like a bezzie. in a way. thanks x!
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reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (19 February 2014):
xTheAlmightyDuckx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your feedback so far. I'd just like to say the reason why therapy is a no go is because the system is flawed. I know this might sound strange, but therapy has helped me so much, it has done wonders, and with all kinds of therapy an emergency plan is put into place. An emergency plan is what you do if you a reaching a point where everything is getting to much and you need to speak to someone like right now! I never needed to use that emergency plan until a few months ago, and I did what my therapists had told me to, they told me if anything got to much to phone in and someone would be there to speak to me, if it wasn't my therapist themself it would be an emergency pyschiatrist. I did all the right things, I rang up, and guess what? There was no one there to help, the plan they had put into place to help me was one big fat lie, and when you get to the point where you need help right now, and they turn you away and say there is nothing they can do it makes you lose faith in the system. And thats what happened I lost faith in the system and when your given a safety blanket and told that there will always be help when you need it and then its torn away from you, you don't really want to be invovled in that system anymore. They had also started me up on this new type of therapy which invovled me bringing up my past, which is something that I cannot and don't want to do, so WiseOwlE yeah you are right, I did everything the mental health system wanted me to do for four years and then I just said I'm not doing it anymore because they had gone from making things better to making it worse. Its all good when things are fine but as soon as there is a blip all help is withdrawn, I had to go to my local GP to sort my meds out because the psychiatrist doctor wouldn't give me an appointment, when I was supposed to be being monitored every month due to the drugs I was on. I go to my parents for help a lot but my mum just sometimes doesn't understand so I have to resort to sorting things out on my own, and I understand I am not a women, but tbh how am I meant to be a teenage girl? I don't know how to enjoy myself XD I can't remember the last time I had fun, I don't know how to let my hair down and be care free for a little while, it frustrates me and your right :L I do feel like an old women. I do act way more mature than I probably should because I feel like I have to world on my shoulders, I feel like if I screw up in anything its gonna lead to nothing but regret. I have thought of going out more, but where would I go? I've wanted to go out to dinner for ages, but who would I go with? I've wanted to travel to this city which is a few miles away, you can get there by train in like half an hour, but what would I do when I get there? See, being young and having fun to me is just complicated, I don't know how to enjoy myself, I'm not the sort of person who just does things and lets it all go and goes crazy and loves life in the moment. I'm unfortunately the sort of person who sits and plans it all out and realizes that whatever plan it is probably won't end very well and then I exhaust myself thinking about it and decide not to do it. So my next question really, even though it might seem reaaalllly stupid. Is how does one enjoy themselves or do teenage stuff or not worry about the future and not act like an elderly women? XD Thankyou all for your kind words to btw, it means a lot x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): First off, you have to remember you're only 16 years old.
You put a lot of demands on yourself, and you try pretty hard to think; and act well beyond your chronological age.
You're feeling what's called "growing pains." What teenagers your age are supposed to feel. Bi-polar is not who you are, it's a condition you have.
You are a young girl becoming a young woman. That's scary, exciting, confusing, and natural for a female your age.
I think you have dealt with your bipolar condition so much; that you forget there are just some ordinary issues that come with your being a teenager,and being female.
School, social-life, school-life, and just growing up. You may feel like an old lady; but my dear, you're only 16 going on 40!
The awkward years go from 13 to 19. Growing, body development; as well as psychological development.
Which includes the pressures from your peers, and the demands of your schoolwork. It's downright stressful!
All this stuff is going on at the same time. You're trying to get ahead of nature. It isn't going to happen.
The progress of your mental development, and body will develop only as fast as nature will allow it too. During this process, your hormones are overwhelming you.
You're confusing all the normal things your have with low self-esteem. Some of it is, most of it isn't. It's normal!
What you are claiming to be self-esteem issues are "life-issues." Dealing with body changes, demands you didn't have to face as a little girl, and the little girl inside is really scared. So much is overwhelming her. Then the young woman who is maturing, is trying to take over too fast. She wants all this confusion to stop. Just get it over with, already!
Not so fast. Mother Nature moves as her own pace, your royal majesty! You have suppress the demanding little princess inside you, and accept maturity as it comes. With time and patience.
What all young people your age will go through until you become adults. You are only technically or legally an adult; you are not physiologically nor psychologically an adult. No matter how much you may feel differently about it.
Can you hold down a full-time job, support yourself, raise a child, pay taxes, or vote? Can you get married without parental consent, or start your own business? Go out and get a mortgage or apply for credit? NO!
Lighten-up on yourself. Take life a day at a time. Be a teenager, you have plenty of time to reach middle-age.
As for not needing any therapy? You've made a lot of accomplishments and strides as the result of it.
When you come to us, you are seeking unprofessional therapy, down to earth advice. Hopefully, not avoiding what you may really need. You still need your parents as well.
You don't like dealing with the questions and being challenged by a therapist. You don't like being cornered into digging into yourself; or explaining your feelings. Having to do hard exercises, try different medications, and involve your parents in special sessions with your therapist. You loathe it with all your heart. You will need it all of your life. Get used to that fact.
That's what real therapy entails, and you simply don't like it. You do need it. You will always need it. As your mind grows and develops, your therapy and treatment will evolve and be adjusted according to your needs. You are a very intelligent girl. Repeat, girl.
You are not yet a woman.
There are decisions you don't have the experience to make.
Judgement takes a life-time to develop. Resistance to professional help is futile. The longer it is put off, the more intense the treatment will be to make up for the lost-time. That's just how it is.
If you feel you can do it on you own, without the professional therapy; then teach yourself to rebuild your self-esteem. We can speak only in generalities and offer you a good pep-talk. Encourage you, and commend you on your good progress. Then we have to push ourselves to deal with our own demons.
In fact, that's what we all have to do anyway.
We push ourselves, and try to deal with daily challenges.
We don't give in to them. We all need help at some point.
It's very very hard to do.
You have some impairments that make some tasks extremely difficult; without some professional assistance. When you come to terms with that. Your quality of life will improve.
Keep fighting courageously just like you are. You are a very brave and hardworking young lady. Making unbelievable strides that even surprise you. You just can't believe it yourself. Always give yourself credit. You can build self-esteem unless you give yourself credit. You grow that inside yourself. Nobody can give that to you.
You are also a maturing young girl, and you can't push that fact away; no more than you can convince WiseOwlE professional therapy does you no good, or you don't need it anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): hey, i think a lot of people, especially girls feel this way. even perfect girls. i feel this way myself, so your not alone. i had this friend, who was perfect. no doubt. she was one of the prettiest girls in our school, boys were crushing on her, girls wanted to be her, the teachers admired her, 'cos she was sooo brainy, and yet, she cried about not being perfect! sadly, she passed away a few months back. so my point is, your not alone! hope this helps xxxxx!
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