A
male
age
30-35,
*igMac92
writes:Dear Cupid, Okay well to start I have a terrible self esteem. Im about average look and Im only alittle over weight. My self esteem is so bad that when I meet someone that it dosent even cross my mind to flirt. She could get better is the only thing going through my head. Then my female friends say "you deserve a great girl" but whats going thought their heads is" as long as its not me". How can I improve my self esteem?
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (19 November 2010):
They can do better than you...hmmmm. Better how? What is the difference between you and other guys? Same body make up. The differnce is...they are doing something with their lives, and not sitting there feelng sorry for themselves.
You don't like your weight, do something about it. If you are waiting for a girl come by and make you feel better...you will be wait a long time.
Learn from the animal world. Males hunt, and chase after the right female, not the other way. Do you see lions laying around thinking "oh I can't get those females because I am not good enough." NO! They do something about it. Win or lose, at lease the tried.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): this is advice i read the other day which i thought was spot on. its from another agony aunt but thought i would copy and paste it for you here...
A female reader, CindyCares, writes (18 November 2010):
The best way not to seem desperate is not to be desperate. I am afraid that in your current state of mind even if you met somebody, you would send off needy desperate vibes that either would be a big turn off , or would encourage "predators " who love to exploit emotionally vulnerable people.
Men can be as thick as planks yet they have this uncanny ability to spot desperation and neediness from miles away, and that often, rather than eliciting tenderness and protective instincts, brings out the worst in them.
Do something counterintuitive. Prohibit yourself to attract guys- you are to busy now to fall in love with yourself and building yourself a beautiful life. For at least 6 months, let's say.
Use this time to make yourself happy. Is there something in yourself that you want to change ? Is there anything you would like to learn, study, try, experiment... ?
Do it now, start with little steps if you don't have time or money for everything, just a little something is better than being stuck in wait for Prince Charming.
Take a class, practice sports, find new friends, learn to dance or to cook or to ?, dye your hair platinum blonde like you always wanted but never dared to do.
Anything, just to unstuck yourself from this "something is missing " energy.
Make steps ,even baby steps, toward the kind of life you want- then all the pieces of the puzzle will start falling together. Including guys you can have out of want and not out of need.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Just to clarify: When I said "Strive for the best and accept nothing less" I realize that it may have come across as being slightly vain and arrogant, what I meant was never accept anything less from yourself. Do what makes you feel good, change hairstyles, try buying a different style of clothes. I am not suggesting you change your look, I am saying, do what you feel comfortable with and in that comfort will you find confidence enough to build even MORE confidence.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (19 November 2010):
Stop assuming what people think. Accept that sometimes when people say things it is not purely because they wish to aimlessly raise your hopes. Even if they do, know that it is out of care and that means you probably do deserve a great girl.
When you meet a great girl, do not assume that she can do better. How would you know that? Some girls meet guys they think are magnificent at first but in the end, they have their hearts broken. If you are willing, if you are honest, if you strive to be the best you can be then that is all anyone can ask for and you will know that the 'great girl' IS doing better by getting to know you and giving you a chance. So go on and try to start flirting with great girls, you may meet someone you will grow fond of and they may feel the same about you. Never assume the worst for yourself. Strive for the best and accept nothing less.
I hope that helps.
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