A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:~PENETRATION PHOBIA~I am a 47-year old woman who has vaginismus and thick hymen. I do not use tampons, because no matter what I do I never succeed at being able to get it to enter, and the harder I try to force it in the tighter my vagina entrance becomes and ultimately I succomb as the pain becomes unbearable.The first time I experienced penal penetration was on December 24, 1992, whereby my daughter's father caught me off guard and tried to force his penis inside my vagina, managing to penetrate my vagina with just the head portion of his penis. The pain...omg...it was like I had been electrocuted by a zillion volts of electricity and it tore the entrance of my vagina so bad that he ended up having to take me to the ER where I ended up having to get stiches. I ended up pregnant with my daughter as a result of this encounter.Due to my condition my daughter was not delivered vaginally, and both she and I almost lost our lives because of it.While I have always longed for penal penetration, after my first encounter, as explained above, I never allowed it due my penetration phobia.I have since attempted to allow finger penetration but that too was unbearable resulting in tears, bleeding and an heightening of my penetration phobia.Then this past June I built up the nerve to again attempt penal penetration and on all three attempts it resulted in disaster. The penis was 5 inches long and 1.5 inches wide and with each instance my body rejected at most 2.5 inches of the penis' length, and that was because the individual wouldn't stop fucking me and forcing it in me even when I was begging, crying, tearing and bleeding.I am thinking about having surgery so I can not fear penal penetration and be able to enjoy an erotic sex life and not run away from intimacy.I feel deeply in love with someone but never engaged in intimacy with the individual because not only was I intimidated by the individual's sexual expertise in comparison to my minimal experience, the individual is hung...I mean hung...and while it was only him that I fully trusted with taking me all the way as far as opening me completely I was petrified of him in a way I've never feared before. I was ashamed to be entirely honest with him about this...so when he started phone sex I thought he was joking so I flirted along with him, acting like I could destroy him in bed...but...when I realized he was serious I go scared..didn't even know what to say..It was like I all of a sudden lost my ability to even mutter a word...I felt like vomiting and just running so fast away from him...I was shaking so bad...And even now I want him to be the one...and I've even told him but in my head I know I'm still safe from what needs to be done..because we're just friends.I don't know what to do. I masterbate..but..I want him to be the one. I need to stop talking this way with him.I need to know if there are any women out there who are in the same situation as myself or have been and if they now have overcome the problem, and if so how long did it take? What did the man do? How many times did it take to open you all the way? What size was the penis? Does it ever stop hurting? Do you ever stop tearing and bleeding and crying?My friend is an OB/GYN and she stresses penal technique over surgery.Please tell me what the heck I need to do and what I'm in for.~Thank You~
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 I've never been in your situation, but from what you describe both these instances where you had sex was rape and without consent? The first time he forced himself on you, and naturally you would bleed as you were a virgin, and virgins are typically very tight. The next time you begged the man to stop but he didn't. These sound like traumatizing experiences, and I do hope you have been getting help with dealing with these memories. For your mental health's sake as well as physical health.
My second question to you is WHY do you want to have sex with penetration? Sex is about enjoyment, pleasure, and comfort. Not forcing yourself through something painful. Few women want to have anal sex precisely because it can be painful and uncomfortable, and even that is probably by far more comfortable than what you describe when you only try to use a tampon!
So my suggestion to you is to give up on it. Actually, why concern yourself with that so badly? You are capable of enjoying sex on so many levels, it's just this one thing you can not do, due to your condition! But you can surely do everything else! Intimacy is also about so much more than penetration of the vagina.
Have you ever had sex where penetrating your vagina was NOT the goal? Has a man ever brought you to orgasm? Have you ever done sexual activities other than the two attempts at penal penetration that you described? Have you ever though you actually CAN rock someone in bed WITHOUT penal penetration? It's just one thing, remember, ONE thing you can not do. And there are an endless amount of things you CAN do in bed, things that will rock any mans world.
Have you ever tried anal for example? How do you feel about clitoral stimulation? Not only that, but different positions of these things, blowjobs in the shower, 69, outdoor sex, sex in the bathtub, in the car, with ice cubes, tying each other up, using blind folds, a little role play etc. All these things are different ways of having sex, and none of them require penal penetration.
If the man you love has a lot of sexual experience this will only work in your advantage, because he will be able to teach you what you can do to enjoy sex. And remember it is about enjoying yourself! Not about pain, and forcing yourself into something that is hurtful and not desirable. If it hurts, stop it. Do something else.
A
female
reader, darla +, writes (19 November 2010):
i had a hymen as thick as a cigarette pack and tried to have sex as well, did't work. i ended up having surgery to remove it and all has been good since. go to a urologist, they can help.
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