A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've got a real problem with my roommate. we've been living together for quite some time now; about 4 years. and she's really caused me a lot of issues in my social and dating life.she's practically a recluse. we work together, that's how i know her. but when she gets off work, she goes straight home and sits on the couch with her box of cheerios and watches tv and reads her magazines 'til she falls asleep. then wakes up and does the same thing over again the next day. it's like the movie groundhog day. anyway, she has absolutely no social life or social skills. i don't think she's ever gone out and hung out with anyone the entire time i've lived with her, and that's honest to god not an exaggeration. she hasn't had a girlfriend in 7, almost 8 years (we are both gay women), and hasn't even had a date or even held hands with with a woman the entire time i've known her (5 years). well i'm quite the opposite. i'm always out doing something with friends, and i've had a very active dating life. my social life is quite booming, for a lack of better terms. i have had a long list of girls i've dated and she's seen them all, since she's lived with me all this time.my problem is this. every time i bring a girl i've started seeing back to my place, my roommate always joins in our convos, which is fine, except that it's like she intentionally tries to sabotage my relationships. she immediately starts telling them how big of a whore i am and how many women i've slept with. that if they knew what was best for them, they'd run away. she starts telling really embarrassing stories about me and my ex's non stop, like the girl i'm seeing really wants to hear all about my ex's constantly. the girl i'm with now, whom i REALLY like, she's doing the same thing to. she talks about all my ex's and how i "did them wrong", and about how i'm a huge whore who will probably cheat on her, etc. and every time we touch or cuddle up on the couch, she makes comments calling me a huge pussy for being affectionate and to get a room, etc. when we are at work (my gf works with us, too), she tells my gf how she "can't believe she's with my nasty ass" and that she should dump me. it's overbearing. thing is, she thinks she's being funny .. but no one is laughing.i warned my gf about all of this in the beginning (because it's happened so much in all my other relationships), but it took a little while for her to finally start to see it for herself. well now, she's getting really frustrated and doesn't ever want to come over here, which i honestly can't blame her. it's starting to effect my relationship with her. i don't think she wants to break up or anything but it still really bothers me it's come to this. i should be able to bring my gf to my place without having these problems.i've talked to my roommate about it before, but nothing seems to stop it. she's so socially off her rocker that she honestly doesn't realize that what she says and does isn't acceptable. she honestly thinks people are laughing and find her humorous. it's ruined at least one of my significant relationships in the past, and i sure as hell don't want it to ruin this one.oh and fyi. i can guarantee you 100% that NONE of this is because she has feelings for me. it's absolutely not a jealousy thing about wanting to be with me at all. anyway, what on earth should i do? advice, please!
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at work, jealous, my ex, roommate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): A year isn't that long explain this to your girlfriend, make a plan to stay together and wait it out.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 February 2013):
There are roommates websites. Find someone to take over your lease.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 SPeak to the landlord and tell them you wish to move out. You and the landlord can come to some sort of agreement.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 February 2013):
 I'm not quite sure how renting/leasing works in the US, but here in the UK if, for example, 2 people have signed the contract for the rental of a property, then if one of those 2 people wants to move out as long as an alternative person is found to move in with the remaining tenant then you are allowed to do that.
So could you either find a new roomate and she (current roomate) moves out, or you find someone else to move in with your current roomate and you can then move out? As long as 2 people are living there and paying the rent the landlord is not going to mind, they dont care who it is. The new roomate can just sign a new contract and making the one the tenant who is leaving signed invalid.
If that's not an option then you are going to have to keep on with the talking approach, and be really blunt - tell her she is not funny, it is affecting your relationship and she has to stop. Even try getting your girlfriend to talk to her, it might help it coming from another person.
But moving out is your only real option to solve this, so if I were you I'd be digging my contract out and looking for any possible way to get out, or get her out.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 February 2013):
 can't you sub-let?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question.. i'm in the beginning few months of a year-long lease we just signed. nobody is really going to be moving anywhere any time soon. yes, i was the person who agreed to this at the time of the lease-signing, but i wasn't in a happy relationship then, so i didn't care. i appreciate the responses, however, if the solution were that simple, i would have just simply done that.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 February 2013):
get a new place... that simple.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 February 2013):
You could tell her that your girlfriend doesn't want to come over because she doesn't like the way your roommate acts, so the next time she does come over you'd like your roommate to keep to herself since she can seem to control herself when she opens her mouth.
What you really need to do is find a new place to live and be clear with her about why.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 February 2013):
 Yeah really, Just get a new place and/or new roomate. Problem solved.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 February 2013):
Sorry but this seems really simple - move out! She has caused you problems as long as you have lived with her, she isnt a social person and it sounds like you dont get on very well. What on earth is keeping you there?
I'm sure there are plenty of other places you can live, if you cant afford to live alone there will be plenty of other roomates or house shares out there.
Move out and the problem is solved, it really is that easy. You have tried talking to her and it doesnt work, you have done your best but if you carry on living with her then you are just going to jeapordise your relationships for the sake of living with a girl that you dont even like much.
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