A
female
age
30-35,
*icolem
writes:I'm currently in uni, living with three room-mates (all girls), who I have been friends with since high school. Because we all live in the same all-girls residence, we often do things together- especially residence parties. Recently, my one roommate has started act really ....aggravating. When we go out anywhere (not just parties, but intramurals etc), she has become very possessive of all the guys. It seems that whenever I meet a guy, whether I'm interested in him as a bf or just as a friend, she immediately does everything she can to get attention for herself. She constantly insults me, in public and in private. She will interupt my conversation to tell me that I'm "Really not that good" at whatever I'm talking about, or to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. She is constantly remarking on how much better looking she is than I am etc. If I were a shy, or self-counscious person, she would have me living in my room as a hermit, convinced that no one would want to have anything to do with me! She even does things like try to set me up with old guys (like 60+) so that I'm not talking to people our age. Instead of feeling like we're friends, and we try to help each other, it now feels like she thinks its "her against me". This is getting very irritating, especially as I would actually like to actually date a guy this year, and I find that difficult enough without my best friend sabotaging me. But, since she's my roommate, I'm nervous about bringing it up. I tried once, and she blew up, and made life miserable for me and for all my other roommates as well. I'm stuck living with her all year, and so I don't want to have a big fight, but at the same time, I'm not the type of person who can just let someone walk all over them. As terrible as it sounds, I'm not concerned about our relationship anymore- if she were actually my friend, she wouldn't be acting this way. At the same time, I don't want to have a big fight, especially as she would bring all the other girls from our residence into the argument (she always does), and I actually like the other girls in my residence, and don't want to ruin my friendship with them. For the same reason, I can't really talk to any of my roommates about this, as I don't want to bring them into my fight, and I don't want to complain about my roommate behind her back. Any advice?
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best friend, roommate, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, nicolem +, writes (2 October 2007):
nicolem is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot, both of you. Actually, you've made me feel kind of silly (but not in a bad way). Here I am, holding my tongue because I think its better, but the only person that's benefiting is her. I'll be sure to be more..."strong" in my dealing with her. In response to rcn, no, my roommate was not this way in High School, its just something that happened recently. And to be honest, I don't know why she's jealous of me, or even if she's jealous of me- she might just be insecure.
Thanks again!
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (1 October 2007):
 I sounds like your friend needs a bit of help. Her behavior would be considered abnormal. Was she this way in high school, if not then something caused a personality change between high school and now.
I also wonder what is causing her to be jealous of you? I agree when she says something in public, have a comeback. She say "you're not really that good", you say "and you would know this how?" or "you don't know what you're talking about" you say "didn't mama ever teach you not to interrupt?" or when talking to a guy, use it to your advantage, she says "your not really that good," you reply "well if everything works out, you can ask him."
You'll need to stay strong and nip this one whenever her behavior is out of line. Let her know "we're not married, you have no right to speak to me that way." You need to teach her that she cannot treat you the way she has been. You deserve to be happy, and you also have the right to dictate how you demand to be treated.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (1 October 2007):
When she disses you in front of others you should hurl one right back at her. A taste of her own medicine may slow her down. She sounds very insecure. In private keep politely reminding her not to diss you in front of others.
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