A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! I've been dating my boyfriend for ten months now. He's very religious and is against premarital sex, but knew I was NOT a virgin when he asked me out. So far we've had a great relationship, but all of a sudden now he's upset over the fact that I've had sex with two other people. I tried explaining to him that I only think of him now and I love HIM - they don't mean anything to me. But he's still upset. We both agreed that we don't want to end the relationship. Any advice for him? For me? Thanks! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, freekeswar  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 This is for your boyfriendSee your girlfriend had sex with two other people, this doesn't mean see is not a virgin, virginity is what she thinks now, now see thinks about you and only about you, so you should accept her and be in relationship. See what is religion, it is just few things you need to do in order to understand who you are?, I think a partner like your girlfriend will be a great companion through out your life.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): Maybe he's a great person, but are you two right for each other?
This is obviously a MAJOR issue for him. The fact that you have a sexual past doesn't sound like nearly as much of a red flag to me as the fact that you don't sound bothered by it the way he does. It says to me that there are some very different ideologies at work here.
Emotionally, I think he needs someone as inexperienced as himself. You need someone who won't be hung up about your past (which is pretty minor in the big scheme of things). He doesn't sound like he's in your category.
In his world-view, he's done some major-league sacrificing of pleasure in his life for your sake, and you have not reciprocated that sacrifice for his sake. He has a right to have those feelings, but it sounds like he made a mistake in thinking that he could overlook it when he first got interested in you. The way he should be handling those feelings is to either accept you despite the feelings ( and that means TOTAL acceptance, no asterisks, no bringing it up whenever you're arguing), or else he should have not gotten involved with you in the first place in light of knowing he has them.
For better or worse, I think the ball is in his court on this one.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 You know, I don't think his attitude is religious at all. First of all, he assumes he is better than you, as if he were above the sinners of this world. That's hardly religious. Wasn't it Christ himself who said, "he who is free from sin shall throw the first stone"?
And then, in this site we agony aunts and uncles have seen so many cases of NON-religious people who have trouble accepting their partner's past -which, by the way, is none of their business- that I cannot believe this has anything at all to do with religion.
This has to do with insecurity, and maybe an intention of controlling you. I suppose you love him very much, but I'm afraid you need to teach him a little lesson. Ask him how serious it is of him to say he doesn't want to finish the relationship BUT at the same time doesn't want to accept the fact that you were not a virgin, AND HE KNEW.
This reminds me of a guy I met. When this guy was a child, he would eat one bean at a time. And then he would cry over the bean he had just eaten, because "he could no longer play with it". This guy is just as logical.
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