A
female
age
26-29,
*TheAlmightyDuckx
writes:I've broken up with my first boyfriend of 9 months today for the second time. I lost my virginity to him, he was my first proper love and i planned to have a future with him. We first split up 2 months ago shortly after he was announced homeless, i understand that it was hard for him, but he went down the wrong route. Things first went tits up when he cheated on me, he kisseed a girl at a party and the next day he tryed to carry things on with her. I mananged to forgive him for it, but i never really gained all the trust back i had for him. Things went on, and his behaviour changed, he had always been rather selfish and greedy but it started to get way to much, he would come round my house eat my food, only ever cared about himself, when i needed him he wasn't there. He then started drinking every night no matter what i said or did he wouldn't stop, he then took drugs on an aparently one off ocasion and well that was it for me, there was then an inncidetn when there was a playfight which got out of hand and he physically hurt me. Two months passed and we got back together, he really sorted his life out and proved to me that he loved me, he did romantic things all the time and well i never loved him as much as i did then. We both did things with other people while we were single, we both decided to come clean, however he made me tell him every last detail, it was embarassing. He however lied to me about who the other girls were and i only found out weeks after we had got back together, he then detoriated from there again. His anger got terribley bad, i ended up being frightened of him, whenever we had an arguement he would call me horrible things, things i can't even describe, he would scream and shout untill he was blue in the face and deep down i knew i didn't deserve it. We decided to have a two week break, he has a new group of friends and is hanging around with whoever will take him. Hes drinking, smoking cannabis again and not going to college, or washing or anything. He said hes been trying to change. I went to a party last night for my friends 16th, i will admit I had never been to a proper party before, I drunk alot, there were people there taking drugs, and i got offered some, i said no because i know how much he would of been dissapointed in me, so i said no. He came after this party to walk me home, i had done nothing wrong at that party i had just been myself and had a good night. He freaked out at me, screamed at me, because someone offered me a drink, he was then convinced that person tryed to come on to me, that didn't happen. He stayed at my house after my mum had told him to go, and when we woke up in the morning, he was vile to me all morning. Saying things that were just disgusting, he was then racist to my bestfriend and met a random boy for a fight. I found out today, that last night when i was at that party, (the one that he told me not to go to because he didn't trust me) He had been taking Meth with his friends, this is it for me. I don't know what to do, i don't want to spend my teengae years with a drug addict, please just can someone tell me if i'm doing the right thing by staying away this time and if i should just get into my head he will never change for me. Whats your opinion on this? Thankyou.
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (25 November 2012):
xTheAlmightyDuckx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Oh i would also like to say, when i first got with him, he didn't need to change, he seemed perfect but i guess that was just a fake persona. 2 or 3 months in was when i started to see what he was truely like, and i know full well i can't make him ever change, its just when we first broke up he found it within himself to change, and when he came back it was amazing like we had just started dating again. I guess i fell for the fake persona bit again, however i thought maybe the same effect would work this time, it didn't. I would of phoned an ambulance last night, but i couldn't, the kids down there were doing drugs, if i had of phoned some sort of police service I highly doubt they would of been happy with me. And there was about 30 of them. Also hes in a hostel, so if i had of phoned an ambulance for alchool or drugs he would of been made homeless, but proper homeless this time. I had to give the Ipod back to him ;) however i did consider it i will not lie! :) And i do intend to stay single untill I'm up on my feet again. I rushed into a relationship last time, and it just was a mistake. Thankyou for your advice and help xx It means alot and i'm going to listen to it this time, i won't let you, my family, or my friends down. Because as i said, i deserve more than him.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 IF.... you get a call like that again..... call 911 or 999 (I think it is in the UK) and pass on the information.
He could have overdosed, he could have acute alcohol poisoning BOTH need serious medical attention.
And GOOD FOR YOU in deciding he can not control your life any more.
Keep it up and good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 Good:. We trust you ,Almighty Duck- don't disappoint us :).
...See it this way... you've lost a ( lousy )bf, but you've gained an Ipod ,lol
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (25 November 2012):
xTheAlmightyDuckx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLast night i got a phone call from a bunch of kids i didn't know. They said i needed to get down to the park quickly because Joe had passed out or something.
I couldn't just leave him there, so i went down to help him. When i got there he was pale as a ghost, he was drunk beyond beleife.
He spent ages crying and stumbling about telling me how he wanted me back. I stayed strong and just did what i could and left, i asked his so called friends to look after him while i was gone as at one point he stopped breathing.
I went home, and realized i had his Ipod. I took it off him because i was afraid one of the kids there would steal it. I rang him in the morning telling him he needed to come and get it.
I then found out these kids who give him drugs and are aparently his "mates" left him on his own in that park when he could barely walk. Said it all really, i said to him on the phone that they weren't his friends if they did that. He then told me to shut my mouth and stay out of his life after last night he had begged for me to take him back.
He then had the cheek after i told him to come and get his Ipod at a certain time, to refuse and he told me to "f@*k off". I spoke to him on the phone a moment ago, and i was told again to "f@*K off" and he said "that i had ruined every chance he ever had" which is amusing because he done that himself.
Its gonna be hard but from now, no there will be no contact, i don't deserve to wake up to being called every name under the sun, i don't deserve to be treated like this! I'm gonna find someoen who will appreciate me for who i am, and who will treat me perfect, ALL THE TIME. Not just when it suits them.
Thankyou for your advice, i will stay strong and i won't go back this time. xx
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 November 2012):
So much for the once off drug use uh ? He changed league ,in fact. From weed to Meth, that 's all another ,and very dangerous ,story.
Of course you have done the right thing !, not only because at your age you have no business being involved with a methhead- well, no age is right for that , but the younger the worse - also because if you are just a little objective, you can see that no, it was not working , it was an abusive relationship, with emotional, verbal and even physical abuse. You should have run the first time and not have taken him back, oh well, run now- and stay away from him.
No he won't change for you, people don't change FOR somebody else, i.e. if somebody else would like them changed. Not even if they really care about the person who wants them changed, and it seems this was not the case anyway.
People only change if THEY want to change because their choices/ habits / addictions make THEM miserabile and THEIR life a living hell. But your ex sounds to be quite OK with his lifestyle ,and having fun for the time being, so let him be and move on , you deserve much better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): Run like hell....you are so young to be having these type of problems, when I was your age I was still playing with my Barbie Dolls. At your age yo need to get away from him now because people on drugs just might do anything.I'm afraid of drug heads.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 November 2012):
If he is getting into Meth, is abusive and not able to trust you then YES of course it was the right thing to end it.
Someone in their teens, like yourself is NOT equipped to help someone stop doing drugs - and as drugs go Meth is pretty hard core and dangerous, it's not really a recreational drug ( like cannabis/hash/pot) but one that people get hooked on after a very few uses.
When you get into a relationship with a guy, it is POINTLESS to do it expecting then to CHANGE for you. Find someone you don't feel a need to change. Find someone who you can ACCEPT and who can accept you for who you are.
Humans are not like old houses, you can't "fix" them up. Change in a person has to come from WITHIN that person and not because their partner wants them to change. It isn't realistic.
And you are being smart in staying away from drug, but honey - Don't do or not do things like that in order to please or not upset your BF/partner. Say no because you don't want to screw up your life, your future and your brain.
I would suggest you stop having ANYTHING to do with him, no texting, no phoning, no hanging out, no Facebook or what not, NO CONTACT. Hang out with your friends, enjoy life - you can't fix whatever it is that is "wrong" with this dude.
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