A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I was just looking for peoples opinions on this my partner smokes weed and spends a lot of money on it we have 1 child together when we first met he only had 1 joint on a night to help him sleep we’ve been together now for 9 years we are struggling financially due to his smoking he spends $10 or $20 a day on it it has increased dramatically over the years which has lead to many arguments I work full time as does he but I pay most of my wages out on household debts he pays the rent I also buy all our sons clothes school uniforms and things for the house he has slept in the spare room for nearly 3 years now we haven’t has sex in that time either I don’t know why I’m in this relationship anymore truthfully I would like to make it work for the sake of our son any suggestions what I can do or is the relationship doomed it also scares me as he doesn’t lock doors on a night I check them before bed but he is always in and out going for a bong or 10 before bed I got up one morning to the back door wide open and my son was in bed asleep he has also done a few other things but always Denys it was him any ideas are greatly appreciated
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2020): OP, I cannot add much here, except that it would be tragic to be declared an unfit mother, by Child Protective Services, for keeping your child in such an unsafe and unwholesome enviornment. Use of pot means contact with drug dealers, in most states! Please Please listen to Wise Owl and Honey Pie, because they are both writing words of wisdom, to you! I shall pray for your strength, to move foward to do the prudent thing, for your child, and for yourself! Best wishes OP!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 June 2020):
 OP, you can do just as "bad" financially all by yourself. As a single mother you might have the option for HUD housing or public housing which can help you afford to DO this without him.
Do you think your son really benefits from having his dad around? Do you? Other than the fact that HE pays the rent?
Is this really the MALE role-model you want your son to look at and go, OH so that is what's it's like to b a grown man?
He sounds like a loser. To be blunt.
While I don't have an issue with a GROWN person choosing to smoke weed or drink - on RARE occasions, I have seen far more "bad" outcomes with regards to pot/weed usage. So many people "think" it's not addicting but it is, and it's habit forming. Whether or not it's a "gate-way drug" is irrelevant. Though, I have seen WAY more pot-heads go down harder drug "roads" than people who don't ever smoke weed. More so, I have seen people who used weed occasionally go to daily users and totally stagnate in their lives. They stop trying. And the less they try the more unhappy with their lives they become, the more they smoke, the more they just stop moving forward in their lives.
OP, there IS no magic fix for your relationship. It's dead, it's over. You can't "fix" him, or "make" him stop wasting his money and his life smoking weed. You can't make him less of a loser.
The ONLY thing you CAN fix is your own FUTURE, your LIFE and the future of your child's. You are staying for you son, you say... but do you REALLY think staying is the best for him? Or just "easier" for you to coast in life by NOT making the tough choice of ACTUALLY putting you son first?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2020): I'm sorry about your situation. I don't think you won't let-go for your son's sake; you won't let-go, because you're hoping for a miracle-cure for a relationship that has run its course. He sleeps in another room, he spends all his money on pot. He has a marijuana-addiction. This arrangement is somehow of some benefit to your son?
Sweetheart, you can do bad all by yourself!
You'd be better-off a single-mother, fending for your son, and yourself; while he is forced by court-order to pay child-support. You can't force someone to have sex with you who doesn't want to; or love you, if they don't!
Your son is being brought-up in an unstable and unsafe environment; and it would be better to take control of the situation, before neighbors or relatives decide to do it for you. Someone tipping-off child-protection authorities should be of a greater concern. If you're struggling financially, you probably live in an unsafe neighborhood; and someone gaining entrance into your home in the night would be awful.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (6 June 2020):
 I think you have already asked this question:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-trapped-in-this-relationship.html
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