A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, any of you guys watched bend it like beckham?well my situations sort of like that (apart from the football) im an indian girl and i do what i want, only rule is dont fall for anyone who isnt indian!well i have broken this rule, i have been seeing a caucasian guy for months and i really really like him (i can't say love him because im not sure what love is yet) we are great together, we never argue, have the same interests, if i ever have a problem he is always there for me, he has even argued with his mother over me :S but recently my mother found out (thanks to my sisters big mouth) and she forced me to break up with him (over the phone!!!).I am still with him but secretly (they dont know) my mother and sister are always against anyone seeing anyone from a different race or culture and i think that is soooo wrong!! i hate racism, stereotyping, discriminating, its just not in me i can't pretend to agree with something i dont especially when the guy i believe might be my soul mate is a different race. His mother doesnt approve of us either and i understand that in the world we live in there are going to be people that disapprove of us, and we both know thats going to happen, but we really like each, and its upsetting that we're not able to be with eachother unless we disobey our families. any advice or opinions please? xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): :) @doubleM
It could be that your mother is afraid that non-Indians will not be as serious about marriage as Indians. You do know that Indians see a relationship as courting before marraige? They are also unnerved by how much cultural differences matter. No one is really surprised that Pakistani cricketer Imran Khan's marriage to Jemima did not work.
So ask yourself how serious you are. And how serious he is.
If he's the one - your soulmate - then the two of you can set about being accepted in your families slowly. If you are in the process of exploring that and you are not sure, secretly may be the best way to go, till the relationship dies.
I am sure in your circle of people there are at least one or two who have married a caucasian or even Pakistanis. Why not try talking about them once in a while? If you have a friend who is not Indian (male or female) let them come over often and let your parents see that they are human too :) Arm yourself with statistics about interracial marriages - if they support your stance.
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (5 December 2009):
 Who exactly is living your life? You or your family?
Knowing that the Idian culture is very family orientated and can go so far as disowning children if they disobey their parents, you need to make a choice. Sure this guy might not be "the one" for you, but possibly "the one" for you is not Indian. Would you be alright sacrificing your happiness for your families approval?
You can either let your family rule your life as tradition would dictate or stand against it. The outcome may be that they will eventually come round to your decision and intime learn to like your chosen partner(what ever culture he may be from) or the worst case would be is that they never will speak to you again.
Racism and bigotry are powerful things if you allow them to continue. Its hard when the racists are your family members, but it is your choice and your life. Ultimately you have to decide which is more important to you.
HonningKanin
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 December 2009):
If you both love each other that much, then maybe you have to take a chance. You'll only have one shot at life, and it would be a shame to spend it without the person you love, no matter what happens in the end.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (5 December 2009):
 I'm not sure how it is in Great Britain, but in the U.S.A, I think that racial differences have become dramatically more tolerated. My main thought is that it is more often the minority people in America, whether Indian, Mexican, Jewish, Asian, Italian or whatever, that are the most racist against caucasians rather than the other way around.
Yet throughout my life, I have had meaningful relationships with women of all the aforementioned except Indian Asians. Well, I'm still open. LOL
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