A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My question is regarding a male friend of both myself and my wife, who is also an ex-boyfriend of my wife's.Before I get all the advice about not having an ex-bf around at all, his former best friend (I'm now his best friend) introduced my wife and I after this ex (I'll call him Bob, not his real name) broke up. Bob and I became friends, and when my wife and I got engaged, and then married, Bob kind of also became my wife's friend also.We hang out a lot, sometimes the 3 of us, and sometimes when Bob is dating someone, then the 4 of us. Bob has stayed overnight many times at out house, no big deal. My wife has even seen Bob naked a few times (obviously she did when they were dating, I mean now, in our house), we have a hot tub on our deck, and sometimes we all go in sans clothes. Again, no big deal, she's seen him before me, and I have no jealeousy or problems with this. It's always the 3 of us or the 4 of us together, never just Bob and my wife.My wife just came to me and said that last weekend (we had a lot of company for labor day), the hall bathroom was being used, so Bob took a shower in the morning in our master bath. He was in our bedroom in a towel, and my wife walked in, not knowing he was in there, assuming he was still in the bath getting dressed. Well, I guess Bob just dried off and got dressed in front of my wife. My wife is a little uncomfortable with Bob feeling so at ease getting naked and dressed in front of her. I think that since she's seen him naked many times, including with me in the hot tub, that Bob just feels at ease, and didnt' think anything of it. I think it was just an accident that my wife walked in and Bob was just at ease getting dressed in front of her, it's not like he took his clothes off, he had showered and was getting dressed. Do we (my wife and I) need to talk to Bob and say that it was wrong, or is this just a random happenstance thing that is no big deal. I'm for ignoring it, my wife thinks she should mention it to him (with or without me, not sure). What do you all think?Thanks.Not-Bob.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 I don't know how long you've been married and friends with Bob, so I can't say this is a one-time thing any better than you can. I would agree that being nude in the hot tub probably left Bob with the impression he was doing nothing wrong.I am certain that Bob meant no harm.If your wife is uncomfortable with this, I would wonder why it was different with him getting dressed than with sitting naked in a hot tub together. Has something happened that she hasn't mentioned? Is she really comfortable being naked with Bob in the hot tub?Try and find out what about this situation made her feel uncomfortable (what's different about the getting dressed situation and the hot tub situation) and in a non-judgemental way, so you can understand exactly what needs to be said to Bob, and then feel free to mention it to him.It might be better to say it to him one-on-one, with either your wife saying something or you, but not both.He's your best friend. I'm sure he would understand and wouldn't want your wife to feel uncomfortable.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 I think Bob's spending far too much time at your house. Doesn't he have a place of his own?
Anyway, okay I think maybe Bob probably didn't belong in your master bath anyway. But to make it short and to the point, nudity isn't the problem here. I think its your wife feeling uncomfortable with Bob being in your more private aspects of your life with her alone, when you and she ought to be spending more time together away from Bob and/or his girlfriend in the private parts of your home.
Otherwise, I think you just look at him as being sort of part of the family. A little closer as a friend than usual, and that's find. Close friends are better to have.
Its one of those awkward situations. Maybe just work it out with your wife privately and see if you can ask Bob nicely to use a different shower or bath.
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