A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im 34 and my x partner now for 3 weeks, has after 4 years of a rocky relationship, though very loving when its just us. We have a 2 and half year old daughter together who we love deeply, and a boy each from our previous relationships, her boy 6 mine 12 which we dont seeeither of them much.My x is 28 but lacks alot of maturity for her age her mother has a massive influence on her, alot to do with her up bringing. Anyway 3 weeks ago her phone went missing, and she blamed me, ( she had also been staying at a females friends house for the past month) though i would stay with her regulary. I had noticed she wasnt feeling as close as we usually did for the last couple of weeks. She told me she was pregnant and seemed fairly wrapped about it. Went to the scan and yep shes pregnant, which if all things were as they usually were, close and loving I couldn't of been happier! Getting back to the phone that went missing, she blames me, and says i stole it! Which i never did, even offered to just get her another. Well the phone going missing ws enough to tell me to leave and not to contact her again, i dont understand why she has done this, nor how and espeaially the timing. Im shattered as i have not a clue why she would do this.. only can ask myself what was on that phone and what has she been up to if anything behind my back. i havn't contacted or even tried contacting her for the last several weeks, as when i tried i am either hung up on or threatened with the police! I really love this woman and the confusion of wonder about the new baby is not making my life easy at all. please somone help, oh and she can be very stubborn, even when faced with the truth right in her face. I hope any unfounded thoughts are found to be untrue, but something tells me otherwise... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 Well I can tell from the end you either a) think shes met someone else or b) think shes having second thoughts about the baby or the baby is the catalyst for this sudden departure. Really, I think your more concerned about a and I included b because that's my theory. I'll explain. You said:"im 34 and my x partner now for 3 weeks, has after 4 years of a rocky relationship, though *very loving when its just us*."Stars are mine. So, if your self aware of the last point its not too much of a stretch to imagine she is. I honestly think she's scared of the effect a new arrival could have on your relationship and probably herself too. I get the strong impression she feels shes at breaking point and she probably is. The fact shes been staying away may indicate shes been thinking about this for some time and the baby just forced her hand. So, this would be enough to explain her behaviour. Your reaction probably only served to emphasise to her how she truly feels the exact opposite because although you obviously had concerns about the relationship I bet you were still pretty made up by the news and showed it in some way.You said she *seemed* pretty wrapped up about it but I don't think she is. I don't think the influence of her mother is relevant though I get the distinct impression the mother doesn't like you which wont help. What can you do? Well, i'm not sure to be honest. She will either come back to you or she won't - depending really on how much she feels for you. I really think forcing the issue here is going to make this one worse. It is one of those situations where you can do literally nothing except try, and I know this is cliched and much easier for me to write than you to go ahead and actually do, and proceed with your life and see what happens - but, in this instance I think you have to be prepare for the very real prospect she's gone for good. I'm sorry to have to say that, I hope i'm wrong. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 OK have you ever stolen anything in the past? Ever had any suspicious behaviour at all that would make her think that you would steal her phone? Can you get jealous at times with her and accuse her off doing things with other men behind your back? You need to answer yourself these questions. Yes her behaviour is very strange and out of the blue by reading your post but there has to be some underlying reason why this has happened.
Yes it could be a fabricated way of getting you out of her life. Maybe she has met another man, maybe she has been distant because the unborn child is not yours who knows. You need answers that much I agree with. If you haven't had contact with her in several weeks well then have you had contact with your daughter? She shouldn't have to suffer because of this and you should be making an effort to spend as much time with her as you possibly can.
Go and visit your ex and ask her for answers. Its all you can do at this stage I guess, good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): I think you are right to wonder what was on the phone that has made her so paranoid. If she goes ahead with the pregnancy you should tell her she is on her own and if she comes after you for money once the baby is born ask for a DNA test.
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