A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been going out with my girlfriend for 10 months, The relationship moved quite quickly and she moved in after 3 months and was pregnant by 4 months. Everything was fine until just before xmas, she was 1 months gone and I started to question what we were doing and I was getting depressed about it. Im 28 and had a few relationships before but because I knew this girl from when I was young and we dated when I was 18 I thought she was just the same person but it turns out she's not, we didnt have the time together to get to know one another again and this has made me ask about her past alot, she worked on a cruiseship and needed an hiv test because of a mistake and she has also had sex with a second cousin, now I know its not illegal but I have 2nd cousins and I would never in a million years think about having sex with any of them. all this has gotten me to the point where Im using her past as a weapon to hurt her. Believe it or not I love this woman and want to spend the rest of my life with her, I let her move in with me and rearranged the house to suit her and bent over backward to accomodate, but I still get depressed about this. I often think maybe the baby has caused this, I wanted a child maybe as much as she did but it wasnt spoken about properly in my book, i think it was mentioned a few times but we never once sat down like adult and spoke properly. Being a first time parent is scary especially when only 10 months ago I was going on holidays with friends, I had my own house all to myself and I could do anything I wanted. Yesterday we had a big argument and I said some nasty thing to her and she has went to live at her parents house, she doesnt want to come back. Do you think the immense change in such a short period of time could cause me to be acting like this? I really feel lost just now. Part of me wants her back but part of me says I want to go back to 10 months ago...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): am a woman that had a very close friend of mine go through the same thing.am not gonna lie to you and say that being a parent is exactly like being single.am sorry to tell you its not even close.it changes your life upside down,it gives you much more responsib.it doesnt allow you to go out when you want...sleep when you want...eat when you want....but forget all of that truth that i put infront of you now,being a parent is the most beautiful thing in the world,to have this tiny creature look at you with his sweet loving eyes asking you to take care of him/her,and never leave him behind.i know that its hard,and not anyone can make it,but only a coward will let go of this gift.ok i admit it,the whole thing between you 2,must have went too fast,but you guys were supposed to make a move take any step about thos child from the first weeks you knew she was pregnant,4 months is late for ppl to turn there backs on the ppl they love.your 28 for gods sake,your not young at all,i mean your in a time where many many ppl in this worl would want to be with the ones they love,and have a baby,and build a family and love his wife like shes his daughter,his sister,his bestfriend,his wife!!!!!!!if you really love this woman,think about what you can provide for her,think and calculate well if you can actually takecare of both of them,if not your just another 28 yrold that doesnt want to grow up.am sorry,if am being to honest,but its better than someone saying bullshit just to make you feel better.its your kid,you as a man and as a father.and about her past,who gives a fuck what her pass is,if you love this woman,and you actually think you can spend the rest of your life with her,then dont give a fuck what ppl say,cause noone at the end of the day cares about you as much as the ppl that love you back,the way you love them...as long as this woman never hurt you,thats where you start off your life,you think about how is she with you,what you love about her,what would you will never give up for the world in her,thats how you should think.every1 does mistakes,and if you think she has the right to judge you on your past then go ahead and judge her,cause i know she wont,thats what love is,and not everyone finds that one person,so consider yourself lucky if you did.no matter how you decide to work this out,it might be that you will tell her that your ready to take care of your child without marriage...it might be changing your mind and getting stronger and taking this woman and child in your arms for good times and bad times....its always your choice,but never leave the ppl that love you behind just because you think you need few more years...and always remember every1 once upon a time had a past,it could be your own parents and you had no idea....never judge...your only human
A
male
reader, Andrew83 +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Maybe you both really need to sit down and "really" talk about the the baby now and clear up what has to be said now, you need to think what it is you want right now, weather u like it or now, that baby is coming and is goin to need a dad.
Try not to put too much on her as she is now pregnant.
It is goin to be hard for you both but do try to support her. Work things out by sittin down and talkin things through, remember not to in anyway yell/shout when you both talk, be calm. Think what she's been through and let the past be left in the past. Look at it this way, she is with "you" now, thats all that should matter isnt it??
Take things slowly. Take time out and think.
I'm not in the same spot your in so i cant give much advice, sorry but i hope it all works out for you both.
please keep us all updated if you can.
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