A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My heart is broken. I feel lost.My ex bf of 3 yrs broke up with me just over a wk ago and left me for another woman. We had a difficult relationship towards the end but it still didn't prepare me. just before valentines day he told me he wasn't in love with me any more and wanted to break up. This was a complete shock so naturally I begged him back. I thought it was that he wanted more space and ppl had told him he was under the thumb. He started going out with his mates more and ended up cheating on me and started an affair.Just after 2 wks of this going on, he ended it again and I moved out of the house we bought. I went bk to my parents n the nxt day it all came out. He said he was sorry and would never do it again. I took him back and he texted this girl to say it we were bk together and he was ending it with her. Another wk passed and we went out to a bar. The woman was there and she told me they were still in tiuch and planning to sleep together while I was a at work. I eneded it and left for my parents again. That night I went bk for something and caught him at it wth her, even though he said he would break all ties now and he wanted just a break too. I was furious. I wanted to know whether he wanted her or me and he said he wanted to get back together, he was in love with me and he wanted to work at us. He broke it of with her again by text but I had a hard time trusting him especially as I saw the the break up texts before and he still was seeing her. 2 weeks passed he was reassuring me, sending me nice texts while I was at work, telling me how happy he was and how much in love with me he was. It was coming up to my 21st bday on the 8th Apr and he bought me a lovely bracelet and we went out to our local pub. he lept saying how happy he was that we were bk together and he wanted me to be happy n so he suggested we go to the bar where she hangs out so I can ask her. We went, I asked her and she said she didn't even want to speak to him. my mind was reassured but that same night while I was talking to this woman he met an old friend who he's fancied for ages. She had just split up with her bf of 6yrs and we all ended up talking. She had her friend with her and I ended up kissing the 2 women. I'm not a lesbian. I did it to please him, with his permission. I thought he would think he had the coolest gf in the world, cause men like that lesbian stuff.We went home but he kept banging on a about a threesome and I just didn't like it.On my bday we went for a meal and came home but I just couldn't get it of my mind. I told him if he really wanted a threesome how could he be in love with me and he said he wasn't and walked out on me. He ruined my 21st bday.The next day we talked and he was really nasty saying he'd moved on n that he didn't want to get back. I've since found out the day before my bday he'd met up with this new woman behind my back. They both say nothing happened but I have my doubts n that's why I thnk he ended it because he knew he would cheat again.After both of them lying to me, just saying they were good friends they have both admitted that they are dating. I hope he'll see sense n come back to me but I know he's crazy about her. We are now in the process of sorting out the joint mortgage and the house. He sleeps at hers and it kills me. It took him an hour to move on from 3yrs and I'm stuck with all the pain. I've asked him why he asked me bk the night I caught him and he said his feelings were mixed up. he felt like he didn't want to loose me but he didn't love me and was hoping those feelings would return.In my head I know I shold move on but I can't seem to, I still hold on to hope. Any advice??
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a break, affair, at work, broke up, get back together, kissing, lesbian, move on, moved out, split up, text, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Oh Hun you are so much better without this TOTAL DICKHEAD.
He betrayed you in the most worst possible way, you can never in a million years trust a dirty rotten cheater like him who used you for his own selfish gratification.
He listened to too many people stirring up a load of shit saying that he is under the thumb. So instead of defending your honour, he cheated on you and then upped and left you. Leaving you picking up the pieces of your shattered heart, to me he is no man he is nothing but a weak willed little worm who does not deserve your tears.
Please find courage and move on, I really hope you find a decent young man, who is worthy of your love. Take care my love and feel free to mail me. Dusky xxxx.
A
female
reader, Kelly M +, writes (22 April 2008):
It's hard but time really does heal. People will tell you to move on but it takes time and only you can decide when you are ready. Just think though, do you really want him back after he has left you for someone else. Take your time to move on because you deserve someone who is going to love you and only you forever.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Move on.
He has obviously thought about it. It's not a snap decision. You say "it took him an hour to move on from 3 years" but that's not so. It's been falling apart for a long while, and you know it.
It's brutal advice, but you need it: move on. Get yourself together and wish him luck with whatever and whoever he wants. He's not for you. There's someone else out there - find him.
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A
male
reader, lifecycle +, writes (22 April 2008):
You do not deserve to be treated this way, it seems you only ever tried to please him but it wasnt enough. Thats not your fault, its his.
You sound like a really nice girl and I know its hard going through something like this, I was in the same sort of situation 2 months ago with my ex. Just try to remember that you deserve someone that will love you for you, and not want anyone or anything else. You will find that person, it may just take a little time.
Everyone told me that in time it gets better, and I couldn't see how it could ever get better, but believe me, it does. You will come to realise that your better of without him. In the mean time, go out with your friends, get involved with new activities like sports or fitness and just look after number one, yourself.
I could talk on this all day, I really do understand what your going through, your not alone. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything or even just to get things off your chest.
Take care x
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