A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There's a girl at work that is perfect for me. I don't believe in soulmates, but we have everything in common. We hang out often, going to lunch and even dinner and drinks just the two of us at times. Only thing is that both of us are in a relationship. She lives with someone else, and my gf moved away for a while, but she really wants to come back soon to move in with me again (but I don't want that).There's a definite spark there for the both of us, and I'm really falling for her, but I don't want to make trouble for her at home or work, so I don't pursue it past the friendship. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Hepzibah, thanks for you advice. I'm going to break it off with the gf soon. That's a certainty.
My main question is, how wrong is it to go after someone that's already in a relationship? Am I being a huge prick for even trying? Is she the ONE? Is there such a thing as the ONE? Am I walking into a minefield? I wasn't looking for this. She's very attractive, but that's not what is drawing me, it's all these random things that we have in common. It's quite uncanny, and sort of like fate telling me that she is the ONE for me. I feel like I should just tell her how I feel, then quit my job, and if she wants to pursue it, then it'll be out of the workplace. And if she doesn't, then slowly, the friendship will fade, and we'll go our separate ways. I just can't have it continue this way much longer. I think about her all the time, and it's driving me crazy that I can't be with her, especially since we know each other so so well.
A
female
reader, Hepzibah  +, writes (4 July 2008):
Why dont you ask your soulmate whether she thinks you should start living with your girlfriend again? Or maybe you could confide in her about your confusion about your feelings for your g/f? That might raise some questions for this girl and make her assess how she feels about you.
Your current g/f needs to know that you dont want to live with her, sooner rather than later. As well as being fair to your g/f, it would demonstrate to this girl that you are true to yourself and a man of principles. If this girl still doesnt respond to this , then you are barking up the wrong tree and could take steps to distance yourself slightly and return to the confines of a platonic relationship.
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A
female
reader, Khandi +, writes (4 July 2008):
 In your own words If you don't want to make trouble for her at home or work, don't pursue it past the friendship!
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