A
female
age
36-40,
*ate85
writes:Hi i am 23 and new to this, i need some advice. i started going out with my current boyfriend 4 months ago, we work together and everything has been going great. apart from me and my jealousy, in previous relationships i have been cheated on and this has really affected my trust of other men, i love my boyfriend so much and he has made me so happy, but i cant help but get jealous when i see he has ex gf's who are models and really pretty girls numbers in his phone, i make stupid comments to him and i think i might be pushing him away. i have told him i can't help the way i am and i am sorry but i am just so scared of losing him please help.
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male
reader, Paladin  +, writes (23 March 2008):
 You said you have been with him for four months and everything is going great so why would you distrust him if he hasn’t done anything wrong. The fact that someone else did something that offended you is certainly no reason to take it out on him. I understand that you are a bit insecure but beating him up over it isn’t going to help your relationship. Being jealous of other girls makes no sense when he is obviously interested in you. If he wanted the other girls he would go after them but he chose you and you should be happy about that. While it might be tough to control I think you really need to stop what you call stupid comments because that will most likely drive him away. It sounds like you made your point regarding what happened to you in the past now it’s time to give this guy a chance. Nobody wants to take abuse for things others have done and if you dish out too much my bet is that he will move on. There is nothing to be scared about, if the relationship is meant to be it will. You can not force this and the more you make him feel he is not trusted the more he will feel like a prisoner and then he like most people will rebel. So have fun and relax and be proud of the fact that over all those models and really pretty girls he knows he chose you.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (23 March 2008):
 You know, I could see why you would be jealous even if you had never been cheated on before, because you said all those girls are "really pretty" etc. But I look at it the way some other guy looked at it once. If most of his ex's seem to be really pretty, what does that make you? You are probably very pretty yourself!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): it's ok to feel this way . almost everyone has trust issues these days and I don't blame you . Tell him how you feel and let him know that you are having these issues and that you love him and are not trying to push him away you just need time to be comforable . If he really loves you he will understand and be open to talking to you about this with you .
I hope this helped in some way . Good luck . I hope everything works out for you :)
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (23 March 2008):
 realize cheating is an act. it's not a person. it's a choice by which a person makes. just because one person makes that choice, doesn't mean the next person will. it also falls within their self esteem and general respect for other people. those who cheated before, leave their behavior with them and not attach it to "relationship" or other people.
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A
female
reader, Emmy-Lou +, writes (23 March 2008):
 Have you completely explained why you act the way you do?
If not I think it might be time that you do. I've been cheated on before, once by my husband and another time by my current boyfriend.
You have to remember that not all men are the same. They may act like players but deep down they are usually quite sensitive.
Luckily for me I shrugged off the jealousy and now I'm fine, but I understand that won't make it easier for you.
Like I say, explain to your boyfriend exactly how you feel and it will shift a huge burden.
Hope this helps and good luck.
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