A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 2 and half years, we live together with my 12 year old daughter. He has a 6 year old son from previous relationship who stays with us at weekends. Lately each weekend is becoming stressful and my partner is trying to turn our home into his sons home too, which it isnt, and is constantly making me feel guilty if i dont treat his child as my own. His child is extremely naughty and having tantrums all the time, and doesnt receive any discipline for it. Im at my wits end and dont know what to do. There has also been some violence towards me also.[Moderator's note: Please clarify if the violence comes from the child or your partner and elaborate on this matter.]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): Hi
So you don't want your partners step son to feel like it is his home? . (My home is your home) these are beautiful words...i say them to my four ( adult)future step children. I could never ever imagine been so selfish as to not want a young child not to feel at home. So i presume your partner has not got a home either? It is solely yours and your daughters. You should feel guilty for trying to make a child UNWELCOME. You one day would possibly be his step mom and he your son and step brother.
You are totally selfish and if i were your partner i would leave you today!!!! your home bricks and mortar and tell you to stick your UNWELCOME HOME where the monkeys shuv their nuts!
The child is probably naughty because he senses that you don't really WANT HIM!!!!!!selfish woman you make me sick.
One more thing How does your partner treat your daughter?
via con dios!
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Plan some activities for the weekend. The children will look forward to them and I've found that if children are involved doing something with their time then that is where their behaviour can be modified. If children are bored then behaviours can be heightened. Even if it's just a trip to the park with the football it can alleviate situations in the home. Make the lad feel more welcome and you will reap the rewards. He may even start to like you and think you are a great person. I'ts always difficult when someone new joins the family. If i'ts still difficult for you, suggest you have the boy over every other weekend for a short time so you can re charge your batteries for when he does visit. hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Hi,
Have you ever thought that the reason he behaves so bad, is because he knows he is not welcome by you. Children pick up on negative feelings very easy. He is 6 years old for goodness sake, dont you think you should make more effort towards him. He is only there for the weekend so of course his dad spoils him, and lets him get away with more than he should. But you are not helping the situation are you??
I know its not easy believe me, and I sound harsh but I do understand. You will never love this boy as much as your own child, but you can learn to love him and he will respect you for that in the end. Just remember he probablly really misses his daddy, and sees you as a threat. Try to show him your not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): Have you thought that maybe he plays up because it's the only way he can get your attention? Imagine if you stayed at someone's house and were made to feel unwelcome and unwanted - how would that feel to you? Personally I think you are being very unfair and he is just a child. And I agree with Boredatwork - if he treats your daughter as his own, why can't you do the same with his son? How would you feel if your partner had no connection with your daughter? Well that's the position you partner is in. I suggest you actually try showing his child some respect.
And yeah like Boredatwork said, I'm assuming the violence is from the child. If it's from your partner then the Police should know about this.
Either way it's not the child's fault, so treat him with care.
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A
male
reader, Boredatwork +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Does he treat your daughter as his own, if so why cant you treat his son as your own?You need to speak to him about his sons behavour, and make sure he puts a stop to it, especially the violence (assuming its from the son, if its from him, goto the poilce, there are people out there to help you).
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