A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Me and my partner are 43. he has problems with cumming. I have never been able to get him off with oral, hand jobs have made him cum occasionally, he will never cum with me on top during intercourse. more recently he can only cum when we have sex doggy style, and even then it does not always work. I know that this is quite a common problem - my question is - how to I stop it from bothering me so much?He has no problem getting and sustaining an erection, he looks at porn very frequently and looks at it in from of me, complaining that it is 'boring' and says he does not masturbate anymore, but when he was younger he used to masturbate a lot. I really don't want to make him feel worse about this problem, i know that when i get upset, it puts even more pressure on him, but the whole thing is making me feel like absolute crap and i don't even want to have sex with him anymore because of this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2015): I guess this goes to show that sex can be enjoyable and fun in 40's as well
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2015):
I'm The anonymous respinder and yea it seemed a rather insulting suggestion when the op had made it clear that her vagina or vaginal intercoursemwas not the only situation this occurred and then to automatically assume seemed wrong . I'm Pretty sure a hand could get a tighter grip than an anis yet ahe said that barely worked !!!!! Makes me wonder why you would suggest that to someone already feeling insecure
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A
male
reader, IanHenryCooper +, writes (22 July 2015):
 Thank you, OP, for confirming that I was NOT being insensitive or trying to persuade you to engage in sexual activities that were anathema to you, as the anonymous respondent on here said.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your answers. yes ian, we have done anal, and the problem also happens then sometimes (i had forgot to mention that)
he takes citalopram 20mg for depression, and i know that this has an adverse effect on sex drive (though he has no problem there) and orgasm. @ chipmunk, and also yes, done the blindfold thing, no success. he says he has had problems when with all his previous partners and that all his life he has never managed to cum from a handjob by a partner until me (at about age 41) at that time he had stopped citalopram for a while and things were much better (though still wouldn't cum from BJ or me on top) but he had to go back on the medication as he got really depressed and ended up drinking heavily again (he is a recovering alcoholic)
he told me recently that he masturbated a lot when he was younger, and as i have mentioned, he is always looking at porn on his phone, but says he doesnt masturbate to it, he said he may have desensitized his penis, but now says its not that, he is having a problem coz he has put a lot of weight on! and also reminds me that his medication is to blame. and i know that this problem will get worse the older he gets. i understand all that. i am starting to kind of resent him for not being 'normal', and i wish i didnt feel like this
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 July 2015):
 I think he is a bit desensitized with all that porn. And while YOU take it personally, it's NOT about you.
There are plenty of men who can't cum from a BJ. (specially in the over 35 group). Have you tried "reverse cowgirl" (with you on top).
This is not about you not doing it right or you not being "tight" enough (I agree with anon female that say don't do things like anal if that is not for you, JUST to please a guy).
I would suggest you two actually stop having sex for a couple of weeks and then see what happens. If there is no improvement, I'd consider suggesting he talks to his Doctor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2015): I wouldn't worry too much about the anal suggestion as you clearly said that it was not working with your hand or mouth either . Don't let insensitive mrn convince you that the problem is your vagina when it's obviously
Not , otherwise he would ONLY have that issue with vaginal intercourse
Has he seen a doctor ?
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A
female
reader, chipmunk37 +, writes (21 July 2015):
 Is he on any form of medication? My lover was on medication for his depression and anxiety and it effected his ability to cum. He would stay hard, that was no problem, but it sometimes took up to half an hour of continuous stimulation ( very exhausting on my part) to get him to cum. If it is matter of stimulation try blind folding him. With sight taken away all the other senses are heightened.
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A
male
reader, IanHenryCooper +, writes (21 July 2015):
You may not like this suggestion, but have you tried anal? It may be that the tighter hole will give him the "feeling" that he needs - but for hygiene reasons, always use a condom if you do decide to try it.
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