A
female
age
30-35,
*icole2525
writes:Hello there!I am a 25 year old woman dating, for 3 months, a 36 year old man who I absolutely adore. We're very much into each other. He is kind, charming, chivalrous, gentle, strong-minded....everything one could want in a man. The only issue is that, he dropped one Hell of a bombshell on me a few days ago....he is still a virgin! He insists that the reason for this is nothing sinister (for example, he has not spent his life in a prison- far from it- he is a successful University graduate and works for a Pharmaceutical company), but due to circumstances beyond his control (he mentioned that he has been suffering throughout his life from an untreated medical condition called hypogonadism, in which testosterone is low). Could low testosterone or hypogonadism really be the really why he is still a virgin at his age? I mean, what on earth has a hormone associated with steroid abuse got to do with love, affection and intimacy? Is his condition treatable at all?He also informs me that he has a mild Autism called Aspergers syndrome, but he adamantly insists that this is not the reason why he is still a virgin. He tells me that his life has been plagued with loneliness due to a lack of female company, and that he is' deeply psychologically hurt' by the fact that he is still a virgin at his age. He told me that his virginity issue has been niggling at the back of his head 24/7, 365 days a year, worsening as he gets older as each year passes. This must be a huge burden for him to cope with.Do I have any future with this man? Can he be helped? A relationship without sexual love and intimacy is not something I could live with. He informed me that does produce sperm (he has oligospermia, so is not completely infertile), but a relationship devoid of intimacy is not going to be conducive to having children at somewhere down the line. Please advise.Thankyou so much!
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female
reader, Nicole2525 +, writes (26 July 2015):
Nicole2525 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies, folks. I really appreciate it.
What can I say? He has just commenced a trial of HCG-testosterone combination therapy, and.....wow! His sexuality is beginning to awaken already, and it's only a matter of days into treatment! We hope for some exciting times ahead, as his low testosterone symptoms continue to improve over the course of the coming weeks and months. He is on a testosterone gel called Androgel, combined with HCG injections to maintain testicular stimulation.
A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (21 July 2015):
 His medical condition is not his fault or anything you can fix for him. You can be supportive and accompany him to see the doctors and through counseling if needed, but you cannot fix his problem.
Sexual love and intimacy is VERY IMPORTANT in a relationship, but you must know that at some point it also dies down. Just like a sexy top model is great to have, but over time, she will age and her body will not maintain the same shape as when she was in her 20's.
Question is, do you love him enough to temporarily put aside the passion, sex and intimacy? That is only for you to know.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 July 2015):
 I'm not sure where you get the steroid abuse from. Hypergonadism DOES lower a males testosterone level (testosterone is the "MALE" hormone - comparable to estrogen in women - though most people have some of both, testosterone is predominant in males and estrogen in females).
Hypergonadism is a type if thyroid issue. And yes, it can lower sex drive. For men a low T level (testosterone) can often equal to a low if not non-existent libido/sex drive).
And even if HE doesn't think his Aspergers has anything to do with it, I will agree with celtic_tiger that in SOME people with Aspergers, things such as physical contact and social cues can be "lost" on them.
If the conditions goes untreated, there is NOT a great chance of his conditioning changing. Hypergonadism doesn't "just" go away on it's own.
If he doesn't SEEK treatment, how is it supposed to change?
Have you told him that "A relationship without sexual love and intimacy is not something I could live with" ?
It's NOT up to YOU to fix his medical issues (or his "virginity" status) it's UP to him to SEEK medical help (and may I just add... how does he know he has DIAGNOSED hypergonaism? Because the symptoms are close? He may work in a pharmaceutical company but that doesn't mean he can go around and diagnose himself.
It seems like he has MANY reasons as to why, he isn't sexually active but it doesn't seem like he has DONE anything about it. (medically speaking).
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (21 July 2015):
 I think this man has a number of issues, both medical and emotional which may make your idea of "happy ever after" more difficult (not impossible) than with a person without.
I am not sure why you automatically link testosterone = steroid abuse! Testosterone is a perfectly natural hormone, present in both men and women, but primarily produced by men, it is what makes men, men. Hair, sweat, muscles, stature, etc. Testosterone is the primary male sex hormone, and it is needed to produce sperm, develop sexual organs, and also to have a sex drive.
If this man has a low testosterone level, it might be that he does not feel any sexual urges, he has no libido, and may not become sexually excited. Perhaps with erectile dysfunction. Combined with mild aspergers, which affects social interaction, and can make people unaware of the emotional/social signals that others might be giving out.
I have taught a number of students with aspergers, and they usually cannot pick up on normal, non-verbal social clues. They also struggle to process emotional feelings, or do not get why people might be upset/angry etc.
The question here, is are you willing to give him time, and patience for him to overcome these issues? This will not be an easy relationship, but if you do really love each other, then would be worth it. It all depends on if you can cope with the possibility that he will not be able to show his affection in the same way as other men, and how important the sexual side of a relationship is.
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A
female
reader, Nicole2525 +, writes (21 July 2015):
Nicole2525 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPS: please excuse the grammatical errors.
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