A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello. :)Im in a situation where i dont know what i should say or how to approach the situation.I have been in a relationship now for around 18 months everything has been great and the relationship has been fun, Tomorrow is valentines day and we are doing the ring thing, this was a sudden thing on both parts and as i thought the relationship has been going great and im totally in love i was really happy with this. Now im not so sure what to do. A few months ago i mentioned the relationship has got too comfortable to the stage where it has got boring, same routine every week and that we needed to do more things together. They agreed so i suggested things to do but nothing has come of it we are still doing the same routine except my partner is going out doing things with other people which is the same things i suggested we should do together. Dont get me wrong im not at home wallowing in self pity cause of this but i cant help but feel put out as we are just doing the same routine and i feel the relationship no matter how much love is there is just plodding along. This ring episode was meant to have been something between the 2 of us and then tell people once weve done it, but they've told about 5 people. I really dont know what to do i do love my partner with all my heart and he feels the same about me but i cant help but feel is it enough and will the relationship turn around or will i always be stuck in this routine considering i have mentioned it a few times now but nothing has come of it. I feel as though its always me doing most of the work in the relationship and thats why i have took a back seat to see if any effort from their part comes through but as of yet not much has.Any advice good or bad is welcome as i have to weigh up the pros and cons THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ANY ADVICE LEFT :) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): MANY THANKS XXXX for the replies they have all been really helpful.I manage to talk to him lastnight and said that we need to do more things together instead of staying in watching the television and dvds as i dont think its healthy on our relationship.I mentioned that i brought up this matter before and we both agreed on it,but nothing has come of it even though i have suggested things yet youve done them but with other people and not me so im bound to be getting a bit bored and resentful towards things.But i did lighten this by saying yes we need our own space but that could be the time for you watch your dvds.I think we managed to sort it out only time will tell if its made a difference,but i said as for the ring thing i will be happy to wear it aslong as we both try to make more of an effort and pull ourselves out of the rut we are in.THANKYOU'S ONCE AGAIN XXXXXX :)
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 Hi there,
I see these rings that you're getting for each other as a symbol of change and a new chapter of your lives together. Why don't you try that on for size? With them, you can make little promises to each other - like that you'll go out and do something completely new once a month. One month you get to choose - the next he gets to choose. Even if it's something small like going to the zoo and doing impressions of every single animal you see (take pictures. Lots of pictures.), or something like going out of town for the weekend and visiting some place new.
If you truly love each other and you want to get out of the rut, you need to put EFFORT into it. Have fun with it! You know what I have always wanted to do? Go to one of those open mic poetry nights with my boyfriend. I thought it'd be fun to write really bad poems for/about each other and then read them aloud, to each other, in front of a whole bunch of poets. Doing it totally seriously. I thought it'd be hilarious.
Doing silly, fun, stupid, exciting things together is a way to shake things up. Making memories. And then even if you're still a little routine-y, you'll be giggling all the way through it.
As for him, who seems a little reluctant, you go ahead and tell him that you're starting to have some doubts in the relationship. That you miss the fun and you miss spending time together and doing new things. Have some fun plans already made... then, maybe he'll see how much fun he has with YOU and he'll be more inclined to make some new plans of his own!
Alright, Happy Vaelntine's Day, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, Jollyg  +, writes (13 February 2007):
Im telling you girl I have being with a man for 4.5 years and as soon as he got an engagement ring on my finger everything has changed......and this is only 4 months ago. Motherly advice dont because it actually wrecks a relationship. They think that they have control over you Ive being there ???????????????????????/
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 I can say that I've been at the other end, being the one that doesn't do anything. I was that way because I felt that whenever I would arrange something, I wasn't being appreciated for it. This is of course only one possibility out of many as to why your man doesn't want to do more work for the relationship.
What did he say when you raised your concerns of you doing all the work in the relationship? Did he see that you had a valid complaint, or did he just shrug it off?
Please also be aware that after a while most relationships get a kind of "routine" to them. It can't all be as exciting as it was in the beginning.
I wish you both much happiness, and I hope you will have a lovely Valentine's Day.
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