A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Marriage no more seems to be one man's job for it to work. As i see gender roles becoming quite varied, i wonder if the traditional male attitude of being a protector in the family is justified anymore. I mean i see married women who commute everyday for work and certainly they don't need a guy to protect them from the outside world, for they can deal with it themselves. Just wonder how would the relationship work if one person is not in charge of decision making for the family. I don't believe in joint-decision making and for sure it is not my cup of tea in life. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 Lots of people in todays society believe that things should be 50-50 in a marriage. I, however AM a bit old fashioned and have believed that there should only be one captain of a ship! Men and women have their own special gifts and one is there to compliment the other. Woman are better at some things, men are better at others and if they work in harmony and always communicate then they won't go far wrong.
For example, I am a very strong, independent woman and I could handle the house and finances no problem, but if I do this then not only would it make my husband lazy but it wouldn't make him feel "whole." Does that make sense? He wants to look after me, make the final decisions (don't get me wrong, I have input too, he just makes that final decision which may even have been my idea lol but he decides.) If we can't agree on something then he compromises. This is what makes a man feel worthy! I've found through experience, if you give them their "place" then they WANT to do for you and I think this is where a lot of relationships fall by the wayside.
When he's not there and I need to make a decison then it's no problem, I do but big decisions are always talked about, again COMMUNICATION and this, in my opinion is what makes a relationship last. We need to learn about our differences, what makes a man tick and what makes a woman tick, we need to take the time out to learn what makes them happy and vice versa. Relationships need to be WORKED AT and if they're not then we become selfish and assuming so I say give him his place. In return, he'll give you yours, jump over life's hurdles together and your relationship will endure.
That's my take on it anyway and get this.... IT WORKS!! ;o)
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): There's a difference between being the protector and being in charge of decision making. Many women like to feel "protected" by their man but I can't think of any that like to give up making decisions because this is part of being free and being human.
Neither did females used to not make decisions in previous generations. If a husband was at work and the women a home-maker she would be in charge of raising the children and of home matters, and sometimes she would make herself in charge of financial matters. The women was financially dependant on the man but it did not necessarily mean that he "ruled" her.
I think you have a confused idea of women, to be honest.
You are right that gender roles have changed, and that women now have more financial freedom but the nature of men and women hasn't changed, nor with it ever.
If you are a submissive man, you will generally find a more assertive women whereas if you are more assertive you will find a more passive women. The scales of power generally set themselves based on yours and her personality. Look at family and friends and who seems to be more assertive out of the couple.
However, it's a bit strange that you say you don't "agree" in joint decision making, I feel you are in for a lonely life - unless you want a slave as a partner that is!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 Welcome to 2007, Buddy! Now that women are in the workplace, earning half the income for a family, she darn well should be able to make decisions on how it is to be spent! Joint decision making works just great, you should try it.
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