A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:iv recently broke up with my boyfriend, im really worried about our oldest hes 4 and seems very quiet constantly staring into space, hes usually a outgoing little thing, i feel for him as hes used to going to bed getting up and seeing his dad before work, he hasnt given me a proper reason for leaving just says he hasnt been happy for a few weeks, im really angry as this is the secound time this has happened in two yrs and my son was only small then but would cry when his dad left all i want to do is protect my children, my youngest is only 20 months so she doesnt really understand, i feel really paranoid and dont know what to do with myself i just feel alone i love my kids but just feel so hurt by whats going on
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 He isn't much happier at his friends. That's for sure. If the arguing is about the kids then I can guarantee you he is not going to permanently break up with you and start a relationship with another woman who would go through the same problem with him. I don't know how going out every weekend is a problem. It is healthy to see friends a few hours a week so you have to decide on a happy medium. He can have fun with friends but family is still priority. Children cry all the time you can't just cater to their every single need. The cries trigger a protective instinct in you, which is very good. Unfortunately for a lot of people it just wants to make them run. Sometimes you just have to let children cry. It will seem very unfair to you that you always have to take care of children while men are entitled to their space. This is something I learned that I have to accept in order to be happy. It's more important to be happy and have a harmonious family life than to be right.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): So easy for men to walk away isn't it - he's thinking only of himself and what he wants. He clearly isn't happy with the relationship or mature enough to try and sort it or end it for good
Can't you contact his family, get them to talk to him? Do you have family and friends to help you cope to get your head round it all?
You have to be strong for the kids especially your son, he needs you more than ever. Sort out access - tell your partner he needs to spend quality time with him,take him out, show he's not forgotten.
Whatever happens with your ex, you will be alright eventually so will the kids. But you need to talk soon as possible so you can move forward with or without him
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Mummy86 +, writes (10 August 2011):
 dear janniepeg
thank you for your advice, yeah he said hes staying at a friends, we havent been getting on as well as we have lately, last time he left it was because we were constantly arguing and i didnt want him to leave me as he was going out every weekend, plus pregnancy hormones too. Basically this time he said that he still loves me but cant ive with me and he doent think he can go on as he says hes been unhappy for a few weeks, hes seemed fine we even discussed getting engaged next yr going on holidays, i just dont understand x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (10 August 2011):
There is no such thing as a perfect family because children has insatiable needs that parents can't give. Your partner is probably sleeping at his friends, or parents, or he rented a room at a hotel. He may have unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should be. You are quite young parents so he may feel like he is missing out. As long as he is not out partying and drinking all night. Last time he left did he tell you why he did that, and what he was doing. Does he discuss his need for space? Can he ask for space without actually disappearing?
If the love is there he will come back when he comes to his senses. In the meantime you can write him an email saying you and your kids are just doing great, and that your kids miss him. A family is the strongest bond and support he has so sooner or later he has to crawl back to you. Your children will always think daddy will come back. Be strong and be active with your kids because they forgive and forget easily. What your boyfriend could be missing is that you and me time, the romance and passion so make sure he doesn't feel neglected.
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