A
female
age
30-35,
*herelle
writes:hi, where to start,Been with my partner only a short period of time but in that time things have been really good, we have met each others families, friends and all get on very well.Every couple has a moment and we had one at 6 months and worked through it because we love each other, since things have been brilliant (or so i thought)... Saturday evening my partner was coming over to watch a film as i was under the weather, when he gets here, he ends our relationship... He cant actually give me a reason and one min he doesnt want to do it but feels its best for me cause hes grumpy all the time and works loads and we dont see each other much... then he loves me but doesnt want to be with me, then hes unhappy in the relationship... but thinks the world of me and all other little excuses... but the whole time hes crying as much as me?.... and only a week before he was telling me how happy i make him? and how he sees us going somewhere? Then bang?? Over... I spoke to him sunday and he said he will take this week to think and speak to me before next week.I feel lost? Am i waiting around to be told the same thing i already know.. that its over...? Is he confused... cause i am!?? I'm looking at things as if its over for good and just trying to be strong and move on but What does everyone thinks going on with him???
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 I would suggest you hold of contact. Let him miss you, not the other way around. This may help him edge closer to a decision and whether to commit to you, or at the very least open himself to you so you can at least decide if he's worth the effort.
He seems to be quite the project. I'd hate to see him break your heart. Love is an emotional investment, sometimes people take so much more than they can give back in return. And its often the "giver" or "nurturer" who gets hurt the most. You seem to have quite a good and solid heart here, don't let him hurt it that easily.
A
female
reader, trueatheart +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Hi,
I have been in this position myself with a guy and I agree with softtouchmale2003. His comments are spot on.
I just want to tell you that I gave my ex some 'time out' in the hope that he would get his head together and we could continue with a relationship. However, after one month, he hadn't changed and I just found it too hard and painful to be his 'friend' so I ended it.
5 months later, I still feel angry and hurt by his poor attitude and indecision because I really did believe we had something special and he just messed it all up.
If I were you, I would try and wait this week out and see if he contacts you first. As you've said though, it no longer feels right when you speak to him, in which case, I would seriously be making an effort to accept that he isn't really the one for you, as hard as that may seem.
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A
female
reader, cherelle +, writes (30 March 2010):
cherelle is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni feel im allowing this time to think because im hoping that he will change his mind and try to rebuild our relationship but i know deep down in my heart....when we speak... Its to finalise that its over... Do i give him the week or call hiim tonight and say i need to speak now?
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (30 March 2010):
He's a waffler. He waxes and wanes philosophic on the issue. He doesn't know his own heart.
You seem to have your heart in the right place which makes this a sad situation for you. His inability to know where his heart is, makes him a prime candidate for waffler of the year.
The only thing you can do is try and wait this out a little bit longer, and if he cannot stand firm on a commitment to you, then its best for you to cut all ties and move on.
I hate to say this because I know it hurts. But what will hurt much worse is when you have given him much more time and devotion, and he still cannot give you a firm commitment, and doesn't know the depth of his love for you or whether he can ever commit to anyone.
Now this may not be completely his "fault". People who have been hurt or burned in prior relationships may have deep-seated trust issues, or they may have other issues they're grappling with including abandonment an so forth. So if he hasn't resolved feelings that are residual from the past, they will continue to plague your relationship.
Nor is it your "fault". It seems from what you've written that you're fairly normal and tolerant of his work schedule and even his waffling. But sooner or later, you don't want to end up being hurt either.
Perhaps by him trying to force the issue (on himself mostly), you might be able to suggest that he start revisiting the reasons why he feels this way, and compare those to whatever happened in his life to bring him to this point of indecision. Maybe if the two of you can confront that, then he might find it easier to open his heart to you and stay that way.
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