A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Alright so I'm almost sixteen, the only serious relationships I've been in have had to be secrets cuz the guys were older than me. I've done everything but have sex. Now I seriously want a real boyfriend! Problem is is that I can't find anyone I like. My standards are not even that high! I'm just a really secretively strange person but able to seem normal. I can't seem to find anyone I'm really attracted to that is my type really. I want to lose my virginity and just have a boyfriend that does similar stuff as me! It's so frustrating! Advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
 "I want to lose my virginity"
Honey much like those folks who have babies THEN get married you have it backwards\
first you find a boy/man you love and adore and who loves and adores you back the same way... THEN you spend a good chunk of time together THEN you can lose your virginity.
It's not a bad thing to have. I do not get why it's such an issue now a days... there was a time when nice people did not discuss such things.
and it's NO ONE's business but YOURS what your sexual standing is.
you say you had serious relationships with boys OLDER than you... you are 16 how old were these "boys" and why did they have to be secret...
I'm sensing there is more going on here than just I want a boyfriend and I'm lonely....
A
male
reader, shelcoop +, writes (1 April 2013):
I don't mean to answer a question with a question, but I'm really wondering: if you qualify some of your past relationships as "serious", then how come none of them were "real" boyfriends?
You're really far too young. You may not realize it, but you sound very burnt out from relationships and that's probably why you're going through this dilemma where you feel like you HAVE to be with someone yet no one catches your attention. This usually happens to people much later in life. Sex only makes it worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): I'm 16 (a virgin) and my boyfriend is 18 (also a virgin), and there's physical attraction but no desire for sex. Just saying, so you know that sex doesn't have to be happening - trust me, your attitude could get you used and hurt.When I was 15, my first ever boyfriend orally raped me. He was my age, and I thought he 'loved' me.It took me months to realise that this was sexual abuse. I wanted to feel 'sexy' and desired, and he took advantage of me. It was horrific. So please, hon - prioritise, because although there are wonderful people, there are also complete scumbags that will sniff out your desire for sexual completion and try to ruin you. I don't want anyone else to have to go through what I did. I look across the school cafeteria every day and see him talking to my girlfriends, and he looks almost innocent. But I forgave him, because I'm better than him. :)Please understand that one day, the man that's meant for you will find you. However, when he does, if you don't love yourself, he may as well not exist. People will only treat you with respect when you love and respect yourself, and love has its way of finding us when we're not focused on it.You're so young, don't throw your virginity away. You'll only regret not waiting. Similarly, people can only truly love you once you've learnt to love yourself.
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