A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in an awkward position with a family that we have known for quite a bit.Recently we started doing more outings together as their little boy grew up, and they are more free with their time.Both husband and son act very strange when we invite them over or when we go out.For example last week I invited them for a simple dinner, and because I absolutely had no time to cook, I ordered sushi.I ordered plenty with the thought that if something left, then I won't have to think of tomorrow lunch. A boy who is 12 started putting lots of sushi on his plate that it was obvious he wouldn't be able to eat. I looked at him several times and at his plate. Sushi are not cheap food. I paid quite a bit of money for it. I wouldn't mind him eating a lot ofit, but I saw that a 12 skinny year old cant possibly have so much sushi.His mother caught my glance, and told him to stop putting so much food on his plate, as he won't finish, who will eat it afterwords. He said, that's ok, I just take it home then, and it will be for me for tomorrow. She said nothing. Few minutes later he puts even more sushi on his plate. I look at him again, and now he notices my glance, and says, that's ok, I ll just take it home. At this point he has 2 full rolls on his plate, that he wants to take home. That was actually supposed to be my lunch, and my husbands. At this point I tell him, I'm sorry, honey, but I bought these sushi for everyone to eat at dinner, not for you to take home. O, said the boy, so, I can't take it home? I answered nothing, but just looked at his mother, and she says nothing also. When my husband walked back into the house from backyard, he mistook the boy's plate with the plate that was meant for everyone (wsince there was so much more on it). So, he takes sushi from boy's plate and starts eating it. Boy is watching my husband. But he doesn't take anymore sushi into his plate. When my husband finished, at the very end of the evening, I saw the little boy packing the leftovers from his plate to take home. There were other situations with this child, when I had an evening at our place of business and invited friends also. The event was catered, and when discussing how many people will be and how much food to order, we figured out with catering service that 2 pieces of desert per person would be plenty. In the middle of the evening one of the servers came up to me, and gave me a message that there is a little boy that keeps on eating desert from desert tower non stop for the past hour. She also said that she was trying to say something in a joking way to a boy to leave some for others, and he left only to come back few minutes later, and started eating it non stop, and she also said she thinks that he kept putting dessert in napkins and carried it somewhere. It took me another 10 minutes to finally go to dessert area and see what's going on. He was still there, eating with full cheeks. There were few pieces still left, but mostly all desert was gone. I'm sure he didn't eat all of it, but now I'm pretty sure he took plenty home. Later, I heard people saying that they didn't even see desert at all, as it was gone within an hour.So, that's the situation with son. It's no better with husband. He is not that naively displays it, but why I m even writing it is because we went out last week with them and another couple.It was a club, and either my husband didn't eat well that night, or I don't know what happened, but he was getting drunk by the minute. I hate to see him drunk, and I asked him to eat something. He agreed with me, saying, yes, I feel like I m too drunk. I ordered a very small appetizer just for one person, so my husband can put something in his stomach. It was very late at night, everyone ate already, the only reason for me to order more food, was to get under control my husband drunkenness. We waited for awhile for food, and few seconds before it was brought my husband stepped outside because he saw a friend. Food was brought, something really small with few pieces of bread. The husband of my friend, father of that little boy, started eating this small appetizers. One piece of bread, another one, third one. Wife is standing right next to him saying nothing. I specifically mentioned to her knowing how her husband is, that I'm ordering this for my husband because he is getting drunk fast. Not a sound. Finally she noticed an expression on my face, and said something to her husband, and he finally stopped. By the time my husband came back, it was hardly third of the dish left on a table. My husband finished it and didn't drink more that night. I was driving home and was wondering: what was that man thinking when he was eating my husband's food? Was he thinking that I ordered this food for him, did he even noticed that he was the Only one that ate the only appetizer on a table, that was ment for another person. If his wife didn't stop him, he would finish the whole thing, I have no doubt about it.I don't know anymore how to deal with it. Wife usually says nothing, everytime they come over , situation arises. What I just wrote are couple of many. I don't know what is the reason for a behavior like that, they are not deprived at home at all, and both of them are thin people, and really not that big eaters at all. It looks like they can't stop indulging in something they really like. I don't know how to stop these incidents and can't find a way of doing it.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 '....and if I noticed that my daughter ever takes something home from someone's house....'OP, you wouldn't have to teach your daughter this, because it wouldn't, in a millions years, even occur to your daughter to line her pockets with food meant for others. I have never done it despite the fact that my parents never specifically taught me not to. Nor have I ever heard or known of any other child of any age doing it. It just isn't done.These people aren't broke and they're not uneducated about the ways of the world. They're just extremely ill mannered and unabashedly so. Even with your follow up, I still think you can cut them out of your lives. If you don't think you can without disrupting the social order, then at least don't be shy or feel uncomfortable about setting limits. If people aren't willing to govern their own behaviour and that of their children, and they choose to burden others with that responsibility, then they forfeit the right to have their feelings taken into account. If you have to repeat yourself and be firm with their son, so be it.You can be civil with them when you bump into them at a mutual friend's house or at a group engagement, but you're not obliged to invite people you don't feel good with into your home. Are you concerned you'll jeopardize your own standing among your friends? I would imagine others feels about them the same way you do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): Thank you everyone for your different points of view.First I d like to point that it's not a new family that we just started being friend with , we knew them before the child was born.We became closer over the last few years,, that's why invitations started to each other houses and outings also. This is a family with money. They are not rich by any means, but they have a very big hOuse, 2 nice cars, husband has a managerial job, and wife works also. Boy goes to private school, so you get the picture. I don't think there is a problem with food at that house. Kid is not deprived. May be his mother watches his sweets, who knows, but She obviously watching his sweets only in her house.I have a child also, and if I noticed that my daughter ever takes something home from someone's house I would not let her and forbid her to do it ever again. I don't think a mother understands what impression it makes on other people.When I order food I don't know how much is enough,mso I put everything on a table so my guests have enough food to eat. I didn't plan that food for our lunches,but I thought IF something left I would use it for lunch. That boy from the very beginning was preparing food for him to take home. I still can't believe that mother said nothing. And a father, now he is all grown up, to act like a 12 year old. I don't really know how to avoid inviting them over as we have lots of friends in common. But thank again all for responding.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 March 2013):
 I agree. If you recently made friends of them and found out this about them, time to either not invite them anymore or even discontinue a friendship with them.
Personally, if this kid was doing that at my house and the mom was saying nothing, I would have had no problem saying "take one helping at a time", and if he had said "I'll just bring the rest home" you say pointedly "That's considered rude to take home food from a party without being invited to do so by the hosts. Sorry, but this isn't a restaurant."
Same with the dessert. One helping per person. If this was being catered, you could have instructed the staff to cut the kid off and then put away the food.
Also, if you have a party where you are ordering food expecting to keep some of the food for the next day, best to store it at the beginning of the party rather than the end, and you'll be assured of having your lunch rather than pray that your guests don't have big appetites or rude kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): A child who hoards desserts and good food like sushi is probably getting terrible meals at home and possibly not enough to eat.I grew up in a home with no dessert. When I went to church events, my sibilings and I would gorge on desserts. I would even hide cookies in my purse so i could bring some home for us to have later. If i had been offered sushi at the age of 12, I probably woukd have done what the boy did. My mom made the same meals over and over. Sunday was pasta. Monday was pasta. Tuesday was mac n cheese overcooked Wednesday was hotdogs. Thursday was pasta with veggies and prego OR hamburgers, Friday was pizza night (no meat on the pizza). Saturday was leftovers. Sunday was pasta... My lunch was a bologna, peanut butter n grape jelly, or tuna fish (fridays only) sandwich. My lunch sides were carrot and celery sticks. My drink was a thermos of milk.I think your problem is with the woman. She doesn't know how to give her family a positive relationship with food.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (31 March 2013):
Personally, I would quit inviting them over OR don't invite them to anything where food is present! Their behavior is extremely rude and anyone with any sense of courtesy would know that just eating food someone else ordered without even asking is very rude!
I say cut them loose! They don't sound like very good friends or people with much sense. And that's extremely annoying!
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (31 March 2013):
You haven't mentioned anything about their conduct when they host an event or when they're footing the bill so my guess is they haven't. They're always the guests enjoying the hospitality of others. And this is a fairly recent acquaintance. Am I right?
Don't underestimate these people. They know exactly what they're doing. No one, but no one, gets to be their ages without having picked up some clues about appropriate behaviour. Their son included. He's already been given a few lessons which he chose to ignore.
These people drift from one friendship to the next wherever the gravy train takes them and they rely on people like you being too uncomfortable to say much.
They're pigs raising a pig and they don't care what others think of them because they don't care about others.
My advice is to cut them loose. You can do without them. No explanations are necessary.
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