A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I need to talk to my partner about this but he gets angry however this is driving me insane i need to talk to him about it or write him an email in a away that he can fully understand me and not shout at me.I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years. There is one thing that is driving me insane. At the start of our relationship he kept telling me to dye my hair brunnette as he prefered and had a big thing for brunnettes yet i'm blonde!!! i wasnt willing to change my hair colour for him so i didnt. He later told me he prefers big brown eyes, what the hell i have greeny blue eyes. I feel so inadequate i'm sick of this feeling now, i feel so depressed and i always cry over it. Why on earth would he get with me he i am not his type? I am completely not his type. he says stuff like i like your eyes so i hint by saying not your type though an he doesnt say a damn thing!!! i suppose i dont understand because i dont really have a type and if i did i would get with that type so how on earth can he really like me when his type are brunnettesssssss???!!!!!! its driving me mental. I'm really fed up with it. If he talks to a blonde woman fair enough hes just talking but if hes a brunnette i get so jealous an think oh my god i bet he wants her so much more. Do you think he thinks of brunnettes i bet hes gutted hes with me. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know how to talk to him about it an tell him my feelings because he gets so mad please help me in writing him an email in a way where it will make him understand. xxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): If this is how it's been for the last two years, and you've brought the subject up before, he must know he gets under your skin by saying these things and is therefore being somewhat insensitive.
Like everyone else say, he's with you so he must be reasonably happy with what he's got with you.
You could get your point home by suggesting there are things about him that you don't particularly go for - feet too big, nose shape, hairy back or whatever. Things he can't do much about.
A joke's a joke, but he could be taking it just a little bit too far.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (5 August 2009):
 I am sure it drives you nuts, as we men are pretty much a superficial lot.
But in reality, he is with you, isnt he?
Kc100 put it in great terms with the last paragraph of her post
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (5 August 2009):
I dont think you need to make him understand at all, in fact it seems hes already over it. Ok maybe your not his set 'type' but hes been with you for two years ongoing! and hes obviously in love with you. It seems your the only one bothered by this and i can see why but rather than dwell on it move on from it, he loves you for who and what you are not what your not. Guys have this idea of the perfect woman its like a dream just like a girl with mr right! im sure he isnt your mr right in every way but you still love him. You cant change people they are who they are and if you loved them you wouldnt want too.
Hes hardly gutted with you if hes with you is he! and after such a long time together im sure by now this minnor issue would of come up at some point but it hasnt so leave it in the past. i cant help but feel your the only one its driving mental, hes probably got no idea you even think of it and at this point you shouldnt. Dont live your life in panick of being what your not hows that being honest and living a healthy and happy life?
Obviously he will gets mad as its not an issue to him.
If you feel you have to then talk to him about your insecurities just be honest with him and im sure youll be surprised by his response. Nobody can convince you other than him so talk to him to find the truth thats always been there, why not accept that he loves you for you?
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 August 2009):
 Well you said you have been together for 2 years, so he wont be gutted that he is with you! He clearly loves you enough to stay with you that long, and of course he will be attracted to you otherwise it wouldnt have lasted this long!
I think you are really overreacting here, hair and eye colour mean absolutely nothing! Types are irrelevant - you often cant help who you fall for even if that person is not your usual type. Love is based on much more than just physical attration and the colour of someone's hair! I'm not surprised he gets angry when you try and talk about this, it is so trivial and silly. There is no need to get worked up about a tiny little thing like hair colour when I bet there are so many other good things in your relationship.
Stop worrying about this, he is with you because he wants to be and clearly fancies you otherwise he wouldnt be with you today. Start focusing on the good things in your relationship and value what you do have - other girls may be brunette but he doesnt love those girls and he has no desire to be with one.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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