A
female
age
41-50,
*rwen
writes:My partner keeps changing his mind about commitment. We have been seeing each other for 7 months and have both got a child each. We live over an hour from each other but manage to spend most weekends together and a couple of nights in the week. We both have stressful jobs but also find the time to do our own thing as well as together.On boxing day we had a huge row as he said he didnt know where we were heading and he wasnt sure if he wanted a future with me. I had a huge family bbq planned and he basically ran off for a few days and i didnt hear from him. Then we talked and talked and talked and he said hed got scared so bolted. 2 weeks later he asked me to move in with him, i said i didntwant to move to where he lived as it meant me making all the compromises (we were talking about doing this at easter). So we compromised and said we would both move halfway in between to a lovely suburb which we both like.Then last friday he said he wasnt ready!! That he needed to sort his finances out and he had alot of stress he needed to deal with. I was very upset but accepted it. I need to move in the next few months as my lease is up anyway, so yesterday i made plans to view houses on my own and made a few appointments.Then last night he changed his mind again!! This time saying he wants me to move in with him where he is tempory and then we can start looking for a place from there. Im so confused, i love him dearly and i know he loves me but hes driving me mad with the constant mind changing.He suggested i move there at easter but now im scred once im there he wont compromise and i will resent him for not being willing to make any changes. Or should i just say ok lets go for it and do it? It would be easy if it were just me but i have my 4 yr old to consider. Thanks for listening x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, curious0hot  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 You should not move him with him. It is one thing to be scared, and another to act on the fear. His tendency to "bolt" without talking to you could put you in an unfortunate position.
The fact that you all make time to see each other so often, despite major obstacles, is a good sign. You should move to a place by yourself in the halfway between suburb. And continue working with him on his indecisiveness and fear of commitment.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 The only constant thing he has been told is that committment is the right thing to do. Whether you guys would still love each other, or would he and your son get along, are unknown factors. He sounds like he would like to take a risk. He would never know if he does not experience that with you. So I guess go ahead. One good advantage is the combined income. I wish you guys good luck!
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A
female
reader, arwen +, writes (1 February 2010):
arwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for the speedy answers. Last night he told me he felt like he was being a selfish prick and was scared of losing me. His first wife left him for another man, yet he tells me he never really loved her, and the love he feels for me hes never had before etc. I feel like im on a rollercoaster of emotion. Think i agree if he does it again to end it because i dont know where i am with him when he does this.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 February 2010):
If he changes his mind once more, end it. This man sounds like he doesn't know what he really wants. Give it time, keep getting to know him. But if he messes you around once more, forget about him.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (1 February 2010):
 He sounds really flighty and immature. But the relationship is new. If he still acts like this by year 1 or more he's probably not going to change.
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