A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I am feeling like I'll never find someone. I am South Asian American and south Asian guys don't like me, or maybe I think they don't like me. Or I just don't like them. My parents want me to be with someone who shares my culture but I just have dated SO many south asian guys and it hasn't worked out. My friends are married to S.Asian guys and they're awesome and I can see myself being with guys like them but the pool of men is slim at this point for me. Out of a small percentage of Muslim SAsian men, there is a huge percentage that is taken, then the rest might not be attractive, or have a terrible personality, or not have a proper career, etc. I am picky but I am not ridiculous. I have let go of height, weight, and skin tone, etc. criteria. Just someone caring and stable. I have thought about men outside of my culture, and I am so into black guys but my father would be so against it. He cares so much about what others think and I never want to put him through that predicament. I dated a black guy but he wasn't Muslim (which I realized, does matter to me) and he would say surface level things like I'll convert, without truly getting to know my world. Because of this, I felt like I didn't want to be a part of his world and his culture. That doesn't mean that I am against all black men, it's so ironic since I find them to be the most attractive and yet, I'm so against being one because of my family or maybe even me. I might be a little racist, we all are I guess. I want my kids to look South Asian and yet I DO NOT LIKE south Asian guys. I find them to be weak, materialistic, unstable, mama's boys. Black men are strong and good looking but I don't know if I trust them (I know I'm going by stereotypes and society) but I'm struggling with this.Maybe if I meet the right guy, it won't mater what race he is, it's not about the whole race but about the individual...what should I do to meet the right guy? How do I change my mentality?
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (28 December 2016):
I am black...I trust me :)
My fav in woman are not from my own culture. Asian, Spanish, White (creamy) :)...almost every culture except my own. WHY???
Simple....LOVE has no race, no colour, and no boundaries.
If you had a dog from Russia, China, Spain, and America, living in the same house with you....You love them all equally. When you come home, would they all not rush to the door, wagging the tails, and happy to you?? Does is matter where they are from?
LOVE is simple...but we humans make it complicated, by adding stupid things like...race, stereotypes, society, and culture.
Love only cares about one thing...getting back what it gives.
All these men of different cultures in the world, and you choose to only love one culture...why? What culture is love?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 December 2016):
 Or, you can date a Caucasian guy since your Asian appearance will make your kids look Asian too. It's a very strong gene. I don't know if your kid will look that much like as Asian if you have one with a black man. But the kid probably will have a lot of your features, and just a darker skin-tone. And there are many black Muslims. If that's your type, I think you should try to find one who is your type, rather than settle.
I know, your dad would have trouble with it, and I fully understand your need to please your family. But surely there must be some middle way here, where you both get what you want. If you found a black man you are attracted to, who has the right career and is Muslim, Im thinking your father might approve.
Or you need to broaden your search. As in, look outside your country, look to neighboring countries and use dating sites to find the right kind of man for you.
I don't know, I think you have three options here.
1. Go for the guy you end up falling in love with no matter what origin he is of or what religion he belongs to.
2. Go for a guy your father would approve of and just stick to it even if you don't like him.
3. Stay single and don't marry anyone. Life can be good that way too.
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